The Chatter's Block

The College Experience

2011-08-22T13:45:00.004-05:00

Today my son started his college experience.

My pride in my son increases - he's worked hard to earn his scholarships to the college of choice and is making full use of them starting today. Mondays and Thursdays are his very busy class days, with Tuesdays and Wednesdays leaving time for a class or two and then plenty of study opportunities. Fridays are a busy day as well, but he finishes up early enough in the day to enjoy some hours to himself.

Over the summer he took a required gen ed course to dip his toes into college life and see what he could expect come fall. He's really glad he did.

Plus he got an "A" in said course, which makes mommie dearest very happy indeed. Then two of the guys he got to know in that class ended up being in one of his classes today - he's already made some friends!

This evening he has two IT classes - those will be the real test of his college mettle. They're three hours each. Ouch!

But hey, they will be pretty fun classes (for him anyway). Because of his college prep classes and hard work his senior year, he was allowed to skip the pre-req gen ed requirements and go straight to the "fun" classes. Of course, he'll have to squeeze those gen ed classes in somewhere along the way, but at least he doesn't have to experience just another year of "school" before having some fun.

Another one of those "method to the madness" moments. I think after the last several years of experiencing those moments, he's come to the realization that mom actually DOES know what she's talking about.

Indeed.

Sometimes it's fun being right. :-) My prayer is that his college experiences only get better from here on out.

An Announcement

2011-07-29T13:32:00.004-05:00

Hello my dear readers!

Some exciting things are beginning to happen in my little realm of indie authorship. I'm working hard on completing my final draft of Running into the Darkness. Today I also created a blog specifically for my professional life as an author. There I posted a smattering of RITD to (hopefully) whet your reading appetite.

But I must warn you - some of my writing deals with very sensitive subject matter. In my personal life, I've tried to live as realistically and honestly as humanly possible - the good, bad, and ugly, warts and all. I don't cover it up but face it head on. Therefore, I've tried to create my stories to reflect the good, bad, ugly. You get the picture.

As a Christian, I have struggled with this in my writing. When I originally started this particular work, I'd planned to publish under a pseudonym - that is if I were so lucky to actually get a contract. However, as time has gone on I've had a chance to become familiar with even greater depravaties that human beings come up with. I've been reminded how the Bible shows we humans for exactly who we are - the good, bad, and ugly, warts and all. God didn't conceal our propensity toward evil acts - but he also didn't excuse it. There are consequences for our behavior.

Therefore, I've decided to publish under my name. That way in the event I actually gain some readership, I'll have a vehicle to explain why I chose to create this or that character and place them into this or that situation, with the outcome of their decisions in full view. It might even make for some charged conversation.

I always did like making people think.

So if you've a mind to check out my new author blog, you can find it at http://dabalepublishing.blogspot.com . Enjoy reading the posted excerpt if you dare.

But remember - I warned you.

Making Good Out of Bad

2011-07-19T20:51:00.004-05:00

Sad news today.

Found out this evening that Border's Bookstore is closing down for good. Not really surprised at this point.

Since 2002, the critique group I've been with has met at a Border's Bookstore for our meetings. We've laughed (sometimes at each other's writing submissions), we've unmercifully teased, drank tons of great java and chillers, and just plain had fun since that time.

That is until earlier this year.

We were all saddened to learn that our regular meeting place was one of several around the country being closed down, and rather quickly too.

Now this news that all Border's stores are being closed and liquidated. Ugh! But with the advent of competition from various sources, particularly eBooks, it seemed like only a matter of time after the first stores went down.

It's almost a double-edged sword. Our group has been busy working on the eBook challenge and it appears eBooks have been part of the reason Border's couldn't keep up any longer. Makes me wonder who might be next.

I only hope we're able to make something good happen out of the bad.

Still Here!!!

2011-07-17T14:00:00.005-05:00

It's getting crazier by the minute!

My apologies, oh patient readers, for not posting for the past month. My new cosmo career has had me working like a dog both mentally and physically - but that's been a really good thing.

But the biggest craziness has been my focus on finishing up my final draft to publishing as an eBook. All of my extra time and energy has been sitting here at my overwrought computer as I slash away unnecessary fodder and add additional hints of information to tie the loose ends of my story together. The effort is sooo going to be worth it!

Yesterday a group of about 25 of us got together to have a meeting for the Indie Writer's Alliance (see us at www.indiewritersalliance.com and www.readersmatrix.com ) to discuss the early experiences of our illustrious leader. He just started a blog tour for his recent work. Since most of us weren't familiar with such an event, he spent several hours giving us the low-down on what it is, how to organize a blog tour, and how the tour progressed at the end of the first week.

I'm exhausted twice over now just thinking of all the additional work still left to do AFTER completing the final draft.

He also informed us that eBook sales have surpassed traditional paper sales on Amazon.com - another important milestone in the rapidly changing publishing industry. Sales of Kindle for last Christmas were huge and are expected to be even bigger this season. Then with all stores closed Christmas Day, where do you think these new Kindle, etc. owners are going to look to populate their new toys?

Exactly!

So our gang is pushing hard to have our eBooks published by September. I'm still pursuing the end of July, but I still want to ensure I put out the best possible work. We'll see where things stand by the end of the month.

So just in case you don't hear from me for awhile, please know that I'm still here plugging away on my handy-dandy computer. Then look for me and my pals on www.readersmatrix.com

Your positive reviews will be most appreciated then. :-)

Getting Off The Ground

2011-06-16T11:03:00.007-05:00

My new career has taken off - actually both of them. :-)

The past two and ahalf weeks I have been feverishly learning everything I can about my new employer and the signature color and cut looks they offer. It has been an exhausting but rewarding experience thus far - and we haven't even had our official grand opening yet (that's tomorrow).

In the midst of all of this, I took my State Board practical exam in Topeka. Let me say, that experience was the most nerve wracking I can remember. The whole way home I second-guessed myself and ran over all of the supposed errors I thought I'd made and the things I couldn't remember if I did properly. It was a nightmare!

For three days before the exam I hardly slept. Then I took the exam and hardly slept for days thereafter. I'd run into a girl there who was retaking her exam and she had to come back and retake the critical blood spill section. Her overall score was a 92% but since she'd failed the critical portion, she failed the entire thing and had to stop work and wait two months before she could retake that section. The idea of that happening sent me into a bit of a tailspin.

So when I received my letter two days ago, I whooped and hollered so much I couldn't stand myself - passed with a 94% and 100% for the critical blood spill. My son never had any doubts (nor did Tonya, you little stinker). For the first night in more than two weeks I slept like a log.

Today is my first day off in ten days and I'm hitting the second part of my career full-force in the midst of a full-blown storm outside. I just LOVE writing amidst thunderstorms! I've been furiously working on cleaning up and perfecting my second draft for posting as an eBook on Amazon. More and more I am convinced that this window of opportunity could lead to success in this industry.

For the past several years, there have been just dramatic changes in the publishing industry that will never allow it to go back to its former days. Think of it as the i-Tunes of publishing. Online music changed that industry in many ways for the better. That is my (and many others) hope for the publishing realm.

And I want to be one of those on the ground floor to see it happen.

So soon you will see http://www.readersmatrix.com/ and http://www.indiewritersalliance.com/ on a computer screen near you.

Then shortly thereafter you'll see the first of my novels, Running into the Darkness, hit the screen.

The small screen, that is. But hey, I'll take the big screen maybe someday too. :-)

But first things first - getting off the ground with my cosmo career. Isn't life interesting these days?

That's what I thought.

It's Official

2011-05-26T12:04:00.008-05:00

It is with enormous pleasure and pride that I post today's news.

As of Sunday, my son is officially graduated from high school!

There were times I thought we'd never get to this momentous event, that I was birthing my son all over again but this time it was years instead of mere hours. There have been years of agony, pain, and sorrow - years of anger and hurt. But now we look back on it all and realize that the good AND bad years have contributed to where he is today.

And that place is an awesome place.

Instead of surviving, he's at that place where he is truly looking forward to the future and making plans for what it holds. Even though transition is somewhat scary, he's been ready to get past high school for some time now and move into college and career considerations.

That's so cool! My son, actually looking forward to college - who'd have thunk it?

This morning I made the request for his high school transcripts to be forwarded to his college of choice. Tomorrow we'll be going to get his classes for fall tentatively scheduled and scholarship info finalized.

The interesting thing about all of this, I'm not feeling nostalgic or sad. Sunday I never once cried because I was so happy for my son and his accomplishments (I did enough of that preparing his DVD life montage). Well, and perhaps I was also trying to take care of everything under the sun too, but that's beside the point. How could I cry when my son was obviously so thrilled?

So on this eve of Memorial Day weekend there is much to be thankful for.

I'll include my son in that.

In The Homestretch

2011-05-17T12:02:00.006-05:00

Well we are now in the homestretch!

My son is in the final week of his high school experience, and the last two weeks have been a whirlwind indeed. Last week was full of awards presentations, assemblies, etc.

I'm so glad I've been available to be a part of all of this.

At one of the awards presentations last week, my son received an ACE Award. Now the ACE Award is given by individual teachers to students of any grade level who they believe were the best and greatest example to their fellow classmates. My son didn't expect to receive one, but figured the only one he'd be in the running for would be choir, though he already knew who was probably going to get that award as the teacher's biggest helper.

So call my son surprised when, of all teachers, Mr. K called his name as his ACE Award student. Mr. K had my son in a technology class last year, when my son royally skunked the entire group of PT classes by building an awesome bridge that had by far the best weight to strength ratio. In fact, because of his design and beating everyone so badly, they changed a few parameters for the bridge project going forward.

Incredible!

So if that wasn't a high enough point in his week, the next assembly - in front of the entire school and faculty - had the school presenting him with a plaque to be displayed in the school, honoring him for his State Choir participation.

I told you it was a big deal.

The plaque has his honor referenced and picture so everyone will be able to see and remember who he was. I look forward to seeing where they put it and showing everyone who comes for his graduation. Certainly hope they plan to have it up by then.

But the thing that I believe meant so much to him was being chosen by his senior class as the person most likely to succeed on Broadway. :-) What an honor indeed to be regarded by one's peers.

So finals are ongoing throughout the next few days, and he's been working hard on his chemistry and physics finals projects. Friday is senior graduation rehearsal and then senior walkout.

Thursday my mother comes in, so she'll get to be a part of that great tradition. Friday my dad will arrive, while Saturday my oldest sister and some of her family will be here. Sunday morning my middle sister and some of her family, and my son's father's side will arrive.

Then it is the big walk down the stairs. I can hear the strains of "Pomp and Circumstance" already.

Someone pass the tissues.

Publishing Potential

2011-05-13T14:04:00.004-05:00

The last few days have been quite interesting.

Last night was our writer's group night, and we had alot of fodder to discuss. At the recent OWFI conference in Oklahoma City, the group attendees found out some great information on self-publishing and promoting Ebooks through Amazon.

Didn't know this, but for about a year now Amazon has been allowing any and all indie authors to self-publish free of charge under their Kindle site. This is quite the breakthrough needed for many first-time hopefuls.

So now our little group is attempting to learn more about this avenue and how we can collectively promote our own work as well as one another's. At the conference, a little old lady mentioned how she'd posted her work for Kindle and how with a little self-promotion, her sales grew to 1,300 in one month.

Now that may not sound like alot to you, but for a never before published author that is heaven!

So the one who attended this workshop has had one of his novels available for Kindle purchase on Amazon for several months. He's done no publicity thus far, had it priced on the upper end of the Ebook spectrum, and has sold seven copies. After attending this workshop, he's now lowered his price substantially and plans to start promoting it next month. He's also working on a collective website where indie authors can promote their work.

This has the potential to be a real opportunity for our writer's group. I've already gone online and created a posting page. Now I just need to finish more of my novels-in-progress. Think I'm going to try and make it a priority these next severals weeks until my return to the workforce. After that, my time is not my own.

But it has the potential to be...

Take Me Up To Cloud Nine

2011-05-03T22:17:00.004-05:00

Today was so much fun.

This morning, my sister, niece, and great-niece all came up to visit and have a girls day of frivolity and hair. We started off with a visit to the State Beauty Supply in town, lunch at a local restaurant, and back to my house for cutting, coloring, and highlighting all afternoon.

Twas a blast indeed. :-)

To be completely frank, I needed a day to play and do some hair. Finding the right fit in where to work has been more difficult than I imagined it would be. I've spent weeks sending out resumes, interviewing, and am ready to accept a position. However, all of this time away from the chair has put me into a bit of a tailspin.

The questions mount in my mind:

Am I really qualified to work on the public and get paid for it?
Am I ready for the State Board practical exam in Topeka?
Why should someone hire me right out of school?
Did I really get the most out of my schooling?
Why does it still take me so long to complete people's hair?

And on and on it goes.

That's why today was so special. Not only did I get to play hair with my sister and niece, not only did they actually trust me to do a good job, but we just enjoyed each other's company.

And their hair looked great when I was done! I really was proud of the job I did. The whole time I was relaxed and comfortable and never once worried if I was doing something right or not. My foils looked just like puffy little pillows, the way they're supposed to look. The haircuts fell just right and shaped their faces beautifully. Take me up to cloud nine.

So after waking up this morning wondering if I was ever going to really feel like I could make it in this industry, tonight I go to bed knowing I will.

I have my family to thank for that.

Skidding Into Home Plate

2011-05-01T21:18:00.005-05:00

We are now in the home stretch.

My son and me, that is.

It is May and that means high school graduation is officially three weeks from today. He's counting down the days as we speak (or type, in my case).

The job search for myself is also taking off and hopefully landing somewhere wonderful soon. Tomorrow I have two job interviews at two different types of salons. One is a corporate-type facility while the other is a private, very upscale salon. Each type has its perks, but if all goes well and the vibe is right, I'd love to have the luxury of leaning toward the private salon.

For most of my life, I have worked the corporate lifestyle and mentality. Time is never one's own and your value is determined by someone else.

Not that I'm into money alone, mind you. I've had some wonderful jobs where I got paid well.

But it's just that the time/money thing is so heavily connected that you don't have the freedom to really live. Part of my doing the cometology thing is to finally gain back some of my own life and be able to live again. That's really hard to do in a corporate environment.

So if all goes well, I'm hoping for a chance at the private salon. It will be an enormous risk, something that is a real struggle right now. But with risk comes the chance for reward. Plus it gives me another opportunity to show my son that mindset not just in word but in deed.

So here's hoping for sunny skies ahead these next few days and weeks. I'll let you know when I skid into home plate.

Through Troubled Waters

2011-04-25T08:23:00.008-05:00

While I've been awaiting the arrival of my temporary license, I've been busily working on preparations for my son's approaching high school graduation.

As part of that day's events, I've planned a DVD montage of his life replete with pictures, music, and fun. One of the songs I'm using will be from his State Choir CD - rather gratuitous, I realize, but the song is spectacular and fits the mood of the particular pictures in that segment.

The prep time has been quite the journey for me. I've laughed and cried, remembering the good times and bad, as I've perused a lifetime of pictures. But the reminiscing has been quite interesting.

See the tears aren't so much for the pain of the hard times but the joy of knowing that my son has truly made it THROUGH those times. He's not stuck in a mire of pain and bitter memories but has learned so many valuable lessons that only the difficulties of life can teach.

Then when I look at all he's accomplished thus far, in his short eighteen years, it makes this momentous occasion that much sweeter. It gives both him and me great hope for his future endeavors. It is a balm of peace that God is still in control through the tough times and that He still leads us through and beyond them to greater life on the other side.

My pastor once talked about the song of the "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" and how that was a misnomer. A bridge implies that God keeps us over or out of the troubles of this life, but that is by far incorrect. He is not our bridge over troubled waters but our submarine through them.

Jesus promised that in this world we would have trouble, but that He has overcome the world. Therefore we have hope through the difficulties of life.

It is a beautiful thing to see that my son has been through life's troubles thus far and has made it through with his faith intact. There are struggles that await him in the future - of that, I'm certain, but I also have hope that he has the foundation in place to make it through those as well.

But let's just get through graduation first.

Sharing the Experiences

2011-04-15T17:04:00.009-05:00

I'm so conflicted!

Part jealousy and part pride - yes, my baby boy once again.

All my life, I've wanted to sing the National Anthem before an event and never have had the opportunity to do so. Yesterday, amidst the threat and turmoil of bad weather, my son was invited to sing the National Anthem before the start of a soccer game. Once again, he did AWESOME.

Sorry, Valley Girl moment again - the eighties are coming back, you know. But I digress.

Beforehand he was rather nervous, but after doing such a fabulous job he wished he'd have volunteered to sing it for sporting events throughout the school year. The choir has sung it several times during the basketball season, but otherwise they typically get the canned CD offering.

There's something to be said about the live version though.

So as part of remembering these senior year moments, I had to show up and take pictures. I'm putting together a little montage of his life for his graduation and decided to include this moment in the mix. That's part of the pride thing there, don't you know.

So enjoy more pictures of milestones in my son's life. At least I get to share in the experiences. :-)

Posting Pics

2011-04-07T22:39:00.012-05:00

End of the school year for my son is quickly winding up.

Only to eventually wind down, but that is beside the point at present.

Tonight I'm posting a few pictures of his State Choir participation. This week he also had his annual Black and Gold concert, where his music director presented him with his State Choir award plaque.

Today he also officially received his letter of acceptance to his chosen college this fall. Now we've got to get busy with registration.

Graduation announcements finally arrived also and I'm putting together the final list of those to whom we'll send a formal announcement and invite to his post-graduation party.

That's what the wedding catering funds are being utilized for. Once again, method to the madness, dearie.

So enjoy the pictures from a proud mother. Remember mine's the one with the beard. :-)

Fond Farewell

2011-03-29T21:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is it - the big day.

The last day.

Yes, tomorrow is my final day of cosmetology school. It feels almost surreal. I've been so busy lately that I have hardly had time to process it all. Plus the last few days I've been preparing an enormous meal for 150 people.

I'm catering a wedding dinner for a friend for a little extra cash. Hey, I'm an entrepreneur now, remember?

Being so busy has also helped the time go by quickly. From the little bit of buzz I've been picking up at school this week, sounds like there may be a little send-off from the gang.

Yes, I'll probably cry a bit.

These months I've shared alot with these girls and guys - their heartaches and joys, losses and gains - that it is hard not to be sad in a way. Likely I will never see them again after this.

But yet I'll also be running off and starting employment in the next few weeks once I get my temporary license. Then it is off to Topeka to take my practical exam and obtain my full-fledged license. After a few years of working hard, hopefully I'll get to open up that long-dreamed-of salon.

In the meantime, I'll savor my last few hours with the girls tomorrow. Let us eat cake!

Nine Months Down

2011-03-24T18:44:00.005-05:00

Check off another milestone in nine months of my schooling.

Today I completed the remainder of my final tests in anticipation of my graduation next week from cosmetology school. After having already completed and passed my State Board written examination, it almost seemed redundant.

But I still aced it!

It seems so strange to think that nine months ago I started this journey. Now it is nearly complete. At first, it felt as if the idea of nine months was going to drag on and on forever. At this stage, it seems almost surreal that I'm almost done. However, this week things have begun to drag again in anticipation of that 1,500 hours mark.

Gee, I wonder what next week will feel like???

Monday and Tuesday I'll be putting in whole days (booked solid, by the way). Wednesday morning I'll put in two and ahalf hours. Then it is off to packing up my stuff and loading up the bus.

Several girls have already gotten a little teary-eyed when we start talking about next week. Others keep saying they wonder how it will feel when I'm no longer there.

Hopefully it will give them incentive to make it to class everyday so they too can be missed soon.

For me, I'll be off tackling that first job in my chosen field. Then onto my future dreams of salon ownership.

Can hardly wait!

After all, look how quickly nine months have passed.

A Sweet Refrain

2011-03-19T19:09:00.005-05:00

I'm so proud of my son!

That seems to be a common refrain of late. :-)

Today we received the first confirmation of a scholarship to his chosen college. The vocal music scholarship is now officially in the bag. He's very pleased.

I'm so excited - and relieved.

For years I've had funds set aside to help him with college. Not much, but something to assist him so that he doesn't have to live the first ten years post-college saddled with a bunch of debt. However, during these last few years of layoffs and my own school endeavors, the kettle has become quite dry and depleted.

So this scholarship is a HUGE answer to prayer, as it covers all of his tuition and books. There will also be some fees, food, and gas money to consider, but he still has his small savings that I set up for him a long time ago. When he used to get an allowance, he was required to save half of it and then he could spend the other half as he saw fit.

That's where most of his Legos came from. Once he realized the value of a dollar, he'd save his spending money until he had enough to buy something for his collection.

Over the years he's socked away about a thousand dollars. That, plus his small academic scholarship and (hopefully) a small local business scholarship that he's writing an essay for during spring break, will cover the additional fees and give him some spending money for food and gas. Thank God we live close enough that he'll be able to commute and save on living expenses.

The only thing I keep thinking about is how guilty I'll feel if he gets the other scholarship as well. Then he has to turn one down. Ouch!

Oh well - life is about the choices we make, even when those choices are a bit difficult. The choices we make will hopefully make each of us a better person in the end.

I know that's the case for my son.

Hair in My Pudding

2011-03-17T21:48:00.005-05:00

Even though the past two months have been enough to make me go bald, the good keeps on getting better.

Monday night I arrived home from school exhausted, more than tired, and feeling just plain ill. Then my son piped up, "Hey, Mom! I have to be down at the Board of Education meeting at 6:30 tonight."

Huh? When have we ever attended a BOE meeting, much less been invited?

Turns out my son was being honored by our local BOE for being in State Choir. Imagine that! He received a certificate and will have his picture in the local paper.

Not too bad of pickings for a quiet kid from a single parent household.

The last few weeks I've come to realize - this is what can happen when a parent puts aside themselves for the sake of their children. For eighteen years now I have placed my son's needs ahead of my own.

Yes, I've had "well-meaning" family, friends, and even a pastor tell me they thought I've been wrong not to remarry. Now all I can say is that the proof is in the pudding.

My son's successes are the pudding of my life.

Just hope I have hair left by the time he leaves the nest. :-)

One Big Thing Off My List

2011-03-11T18:59:00.005-06:00

Today my son had two scholarship interviews with an area college.

The interviews are in two separate fields but could be worked together in his choice of careers. I expected we'd be there for a couple of hours.

We arrived just before noon and left just before 4:30. I'd say that means they went well, wouldn't you?

The first interview/audition was for a vocal music scholarship. The lead professor was quite busy rushing here and there getting a couple of ensembles finished up and ready to leave for a contest over the weekend. She managed to squeeze a good hour out of our time and was impressed with my son's ability and resume.

Then onto the second interview/audition for a radio/TV/film production scholarship that lasted from 1:30 to nearly 4:30. I think it is in the bag also - the professor pretty much told us so but couldn't officially tell us so, you know? Wink-wink!

The second was the one I was most nervous about. You see, my son has an incredible ability to film and edit all sorts of video scripts and stills and write his own work. Then he ties it all up with music and vocal overwriting (or whatever it is called) - and all of it is done with simple equipment and programs he has on his computer.

The other interesting thing about it is that he's had no formal training with any of it - he's virtually taught himself everything he knows over the last few years. The past few months he's been asked to put together lead-in videos and clips for church from youth outings and warm-ups to the youth sermon. A man at his church who owns his own production company has taken notice and worked with him a bit, even offering him use of some of his old equipment. This man is so impressed with my son's natural ability that he plans to hire him to work on some video projects for his company this summer.

The communications professor was also impressed with my son's ability. He's very excited about having him in the program next year. As I sat down the hall during their initial meeting, I was hopeful when I heard loud belly laughs - not once but multiple times - as they reviewed his prepared DVD. Then after being invited into the meeting, I knew it was going well when they both started spouting off at each other first in Scottish accents then flipping over to Irish.

My son will be completely in his element in that department.

So now the big question will be which scholarship he'll accept and which to turn down, since he can only accept one from the Fine Arts department.

It's a good problem to have.

And now that his scholarship auditions and interviews are complete, that means I can mark one enormous thing off of my March "to-do" list.

While he's off tonight setting up for his band's gig tomorrow. His "to-do" list keeps growing - and as a young adult that's as it should be.

Beware of the Ides of March

2011-03-08T22:54:00.005-06:00

March is becoming crazier by the minute!

So if my looming graduation and employment search aren't heavy enough, let's see how much more we can toss into the heap.

My son has been frantic with scholarship applications/interviews/auditions. There's a few small, local scholarships that he's writing essays for, but the big ones are his vocal and video production auditions. Decisions will be made soon and we've got to find time to squeeze a few more opportunities into the schedule before they slip away.

Then there's trying to get my taxes done so that we can file for his FAFSA considerations before the April 1st deadline (don't you find it interesting that April Fool's Day is the deadline for financial aid considerations - hmmm). That's becoming quite an interesting bear in and of itself.

In order for me to be able to pay the bills and go to school at the same time, I've had to liquidate my investments and the majority of my retirement. Now comes the tax bill. Only once have I ever had to pay into State but never Federal. This year is changing that and scaring me to death.

But it's got to be done in order to have any hope of my son receiving grant money to help pay for college expenses in excess of scholarships. Now the question is how the tax man is going to get paid.

Another hurdle to overcome in this amazing year.

So with my graduation, my employment search, taxes due, my son's scholarship deadlines, FAFSA deadline, his graduation, etc., etc., etc., I'm really feeling the pressure this month.

Beware of the Ides of March!

Here's hoping I won't suffer the same fate as Caesar.

Spent Yet Satisfied

2011-02-27T15:29:00.006-06:00

An enormously busy last few days is drawing to a satisfying close.

My son's KMEA State Choir performance was Saturday, the culmination of two full day rehearsals Thursday and Friday followed by a very early Saturday rehearsal and afternoon performance. I still have goosebumps and tears when thinking about it.

He has been blessed to have participated in many incredible choral performances these last few years, all of which offered a CD recording of the performances. I've never been that interested in purchasing any of the audio recordings.

Until now.

Dr. Craig Jessop (formally with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir) led these hundreds of students from across the State of Kansas in one of the most incredible music performances I've had the pleasure to experience. My mom and I sat in awe from the first blaring notes of "Fanfare for a Festival" (one my son knows by heart) to the haunting strains of "Lux Aurumque" (fabulous soprano solo), the foot stomping (literally) rhythms of "Wade in de Water" ending with one of my all-time favorites of sacred music "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing". Every single song was wonderful, but these four stood out to me.

Each note and word held such power no matter how loud or soft. At times it was difficult to realize that these were high school kids and not professional musicians.

And my dear son was among them.

There were several songs where I could pick out his voice from among the throng, and only one song where he needed to utilize his sheet music (he's a quick study). Even though he was absolutely spent, he had such a joy in his demeanor after it was all over. How could one not in the midst of such circumstances?

I think it even spilled over into my own choir performance this morning - felt the grandeur and awe in every note of music played and sang. Many commented after service how incredible the music was, my Sunday School teacher even saying that if you weren't moved by this morning's worship services to just drive yourself to the funeral home because you must be dead.

I laughed.

But my son also inspired me by his incredible performance yesterday. So even though I was already tired from a very busy last few days, I gave all I had this morning. Now I'm spent too.

Yet thoroughly satisfied.

Riding the Whirlwind

2011-02-25T07:44:00.004-06:00

The last few days have been a whirlwind.

Last November I wrote about my son making District Choir and being an alternate for State Choir, both of which are incredible honors and opportunities. District Choir was in early December before the season swept us away, while State Choir was scheduled for February. So February is almost gone and with it State Choir possibilities.

Or so we thought.

Wednesday night I arrived home from my own choir rehearsal to find a message from my son's high school choir director. A quick return phone call confirmed that a last minute cancellation had come in from (it just so happens) a first tenor. Come to find out, my son wasn't just a high alternate on the list but the first alternate on the list for a first tenor position. We started scrambling and were up until nearly midnight trying to get everything together.

Yesterday morning rehearsals began (thank God nearby) and went until late. This morning he left before 7:30 to get to the rehearsal venue and will be rehearsing throughout the day until 9:30 tonight. Then Saturday morning we go early again before their one o'clock performance that afternoon.

I'm about to burst at the seams for this kid. What an honor it is (and it doesn't hurt that this pretty much guarantees him an in-state scholarship). I've been telling practically anything that walks and breathes the last couple of days.

I also find it interesting that it just so happens the one student who has to cancel, also happens to be a first tenor, and that my son just happens to be the first alternate and that we are close enough that the last minute machinations don't really mess up our schedule. Do you believe in coincidence?

Me neither.

I've always told my son that when opportunities come we need to be ready to drop the things we're holding so we can grasp what God is handing out in that moment. Otherwise all too soon it will pass and we'll be left wondering, "what if?"

So give me the whirlwind. All we've gotta do when it passes by is grab and hold on tight.

One Down - 200 More To Go

2011-02-22T21:46:00.003-06:00

Well I have completed one major step in pursuit of my new career path and aspirations.

I passed my written State Board exam this morning!

It's hard to believe that eight months ago I started cosmetology school and now have only one more month to go. Then I'll get scheduled for my practical examination in Topeka.

For now this is a huge hurdle to have surmounted. I feel such relief tonight!

To graduate from school I'll need 1,500 hours, however a student may apply to the State Board to take their written exam at 1,000 hours (with the school's permission, of course). After several weeks of waiting, last week I finally received acknowledgment that they were approving me to proceed.

Having passed with a 91% means that the moment I certify completion of 1,500 hours I can accept employment and start working in a salon prior to my practical exam. Sometimes the wait to get into an available testing date for the practical can take a month or two. This way I won't be hampered by more time without an income stream into my happy little home.

But it does add a little more pressure for that crazy practical because if for some strange reason I DON'T pass my practical I then lose my temporary license immediately, must cease employment, and spend more time and money to retake the exam.

It can be a little hairy I've heard.

That's okay. For now I'm celebrating this little moment in time. Then in a month's time I'll celebrate the big completion.

Just under 200 hours more to go - woo-hoo!

Blessings In Disguise

2011-02-19T20:54:00.006-06:00

It's been a busy writer's day.

President's Day weekend has been our little writer's retreat weekend for the last four years now. The same thing, the same weekend - no questions asked.

Well this year the park office staff screwed us up big-time by making our reservations for last weekend instead of this weekend.

So we cancelled said reservations and decided perhaps it was time to consider other options.

Since it was too late this year, the GK Brainstormers decided to get together today over here at my humble abode to cuss and discuss reading, writing, and stringing up the stupid people who can't pull their heads out long enough to figure out which weekend is President's Day weekend when they have a calendar sitting right there in front of them.

We weren't bitter about it at all - can you tell?

Milford Lake twill be our chosen venue for 2012, and we'll be trying something brand new and see if we don't kill each other in the process. Typically at Osage Hills we've each had our own cabin in which to write during the day and gather at the big cabin that evening for our main meal and meeting time. At Milford Lake, we've decided to get the big two-story, five bedroom, two living room cabin with a full kitchen. Divided between the group, it works out to be about $41 apiece per night, much better than the $85 per cabin per night rates we have been paying.

Plus there's an added bonus.

Gordon, our dearly departed (only from the group, not the earth), leader who, once he moved, was unable to make such a long drive south. However, our new retreat location will be less than half the distance and will allow him to rejoin us for our annual retreats. I think we were all excited for that.

So all in all, the reservations screw-up could end up being a blessing in disguise. Can we all say an "AMEN" to that?

Then maybe next year I'll actually have some time to write again. That is if I can find a quiet corner to myself.

Controlling the Weather

2011-02-10T21:26:00.004-06:00

February has come in like a lion!

A veritable white lion, but a lion nonetheless.

Since the beginning of February we have been hit by snow, snow, and more snow. This week my son used up his last snow day for school.

They have five total each school year.

So since I'm also attending school, my hours have been hit by our school being closed several days this month as well. Only problem is that keeps pushing my graduation date further and further back. Before all of the snow hit, I was on track to graduate the 23rd of March.

Now I'm looking at the 28th of March.

I guess I should be glad that it is still going to be March but I'd hoped to graduate nearly a month early because of my good attendance. My attendance percentage as a whole is still very high and unaffected by the snow closures, but each day we're closed I'm thrown further behind in graduating.

I should be thankful though. My technical graduation was to be April 17th, so I'm still well ahead of that date. Suppose my frustration has more to do with the fact that I'm so READY to get out of school and back into life again.

But it is quite interesting - even though I'm in school, it seems I'm still in the midst of life. There's so many lives that I've had the honor of touching in these months I've attended, that perhaps God needs me to linger just a bit longer in order to be of the greatest import to someone else.

Yes - I'll hold onto that mindset to get me through these next few weeks.

Unless I figure out a way to control the weather.

Celebrating

2011-01-27T21:25:00.004-06:00

Well Mom is here in Kansas.

We're celebrating an enormous milestone that I never thought would come. It's been a year today since her breast cancer journey began.

This time last year we were all gathered in Mom's hospital room post-op and telling her the good news (under the circumstances) that they found no further trace of cancer after the sentinel node biopsy. I still remember her groggy "good!" response and the nurse chuckling that she'd been asking about that while in recovery.

It was an enormous praise and relief to begin the journey with something positive (or negative, if you get my drift). :-)

That was a time of intense heartache, panic, stress, followed by moments of the peace that passes all understanding. I still remember the following night watching the snow fall outside the hospital window and being awakened by the snowshovels as the maintanence staff tried to keep ahead of the biggest snowstorm to hit their area all of last year.

Then there were the hourly requests for potty break. Hey, that was great news because it meant everything was in working order! Mom and I got so good at our system that we didn't have to bother the nurses all night, that is until they needed something from Mom. It's funny now because Mom kept saying how sorry she was to constantly get me up, but I was so glad to know that she COULD get up. During that time, we had to celebrate every little step forward.

Even though I still had to constantly get onto her for using that crazy right arm to get up from bed and chairs - she got so frustrated with that one. But it is with great fondness that I remember the nickname with which she dubbed me. Maybe we can get matching hats that say "sergeant" as a memento. :-)

During chemo when Mom lost her sense of taste, we said we were going to celebrate the return of her tastebuds with chocolate cake as soon as treatments were completed. Well tonight we celebrate the one year anniversary of her journey with (what else) CHOCOLATE CAKE. Wee!

The hair is back and growing longer and thicker every day. One more month and she'll be done with the Herceptin treatments, then four years more with this crazy pill and it will be completely finished.

Yet tonight we celebrate more than just a milestone of a year down in her journey.

We celebrate LIFE!

Living A Full Life

2011-01-23T22:16:00.004-06:00

So many wonderful things have taken place the last several months that at times I cannot believe they are happening. Makes me also wonder what God is up to. :-)

Last fall I had to make a difficult decision in my life, but since that time it seems God has opened up doorway after doorway and confirmed Himself all over again in the paths I'm walking.

Shortly after making said decision, I was asked to be a part of the praise team at my church. I've not had a place on the platform since 2000 due to having to back off of involvements to deal with life's difficulties and to be more available to my son during that time. Plus losing my voice capacity had a bit to do with it too. I've been back in choir now for five years with a new worship pastor but have maintained a background stance. Not sure what the catalyst was that prompted our worship pastor to take notice of me, but I'm so thankful he did because it feels absolutely incredible to be used once again in my heart's desire - music.

Then there was winning first place in the salon fair at my school, additional confirmation that I'm on the right track. The past month there have been so many situations where God has opened doors that have allowed me to share with a few of the girls at the school, one who fell away from Him in high school after the failings of their youth pastor were revealed. She and I have been talking extensively. I love being used by the Lord in such ways. It also shows me how this industry will allow me a front-row seat in God's arena.

Today my Sunday School leader asked me about sharing my testimony in class in a couple of weeks. Wow! Heavy load and I haven't shared like that in Lord knows how long. But my son is eighteen now and is living proof what a life sold out to God can accomplish even through the mistakes we make. My life has been dedicated to raising him and that part of my path-walk is rapidly drawing to a close.

So maybe the idea of opening my own salon is on the horizon. I'm still jiggling doorknobs in that regard to see if any are open at the present time. I'll walk through those doors as I can and share that journey with you as it develops.

My life feels very full at the moment - busy too! Makes me wonder what is coming up around the bend.

Happy News

2011-01-15T11:03:00.005-06:00

Our little writer's group received some awesome news this past week at our meeting. One of our own signed a contract to be published!

It's now official.

Mighty Bri has written a great horror piece that has elements involving Thor, the god of thunder. With the new Thor movie coming out this summer the timing couldn't be better. He's about as excited as the guy gets - maybe a little dazed too.

Or is that too much Jack Daniels?

So starting this spring the book will be available in electronic format and hopefully hardcopy later in the year. They'll go through the jacket design turmoil, debates over whether to change his title or not (alert to writers - your agonizingly thought-out title most likely will not be the published final so don't waste too much time on it), etc., etc. His new blog page on publishing is located at http://fatherthunder.blogspot.com/ if you wish to follow his exploits.

So now we other GK Brainstormers will have to get our butts in gear and follow suit. Twill be some tough shoes in which to follow.

And Brian remember - don't forget to make it to meetings from now on, you hear? We know where you live and will be glad to drag your sorry butt out of your absinthe stupor!

Faith and Fear

2011-01-08T11:38:00.006-06:00

Graduation is fast approaching!

This time I mean me from cosmetology school. My son's graduation will follow shortly upon its heels but at the moment I've got alot of decisions to make for myself first.

Isn't it amazing that in just two and ahalf months I will be taking up the mantle of cosmetologist and accepting my professional grade shears from school? It's so freaking AWESOME!

Sorry - I am an 80's child remember.

So several options lay before me, but I'm having trouble throwing one very risky venture aside - that of establishing my own salon. My original plan called for me to work about three years in a salon to learn additional trade secrets and then to open my own place. Then that changed to maybe two years. Recently I decided to re-evaluate after one year. But now faith is taking a stranglehold on me.

There seem to be some other things happening in the heavens that may be pointing in the direction of sooner rather than later. Much sooner. I can't yet share all of those specific things yet, but I've been deep in prayer concerning this possibility. Some of my close family and friends have also committed to praying for leading in this regard as well.

I'm scared to death!!!

But I'm also jazzed about the possibility of becoming a small business owner in a short amount of time. The decision needs to be made very soon.

Any of you praying readers out there are invited to join with me in seeking the Lord's direction.

And whatever direction that may be, I'll step out in faith - regardless of my fear.

Welcome 2011

2011-01-01T22:33:00.006-06:00

It is with great joy that I spit goodbye to 2010 and wholeheartedly embrace 2011.

This first day of 2011 has been fun and relaxing, unlike this time last year when all you-know-what was breaking loose in my family. First there was my mother's cancer diagnosis confirmation, followed shortly by my grandmother's (mom's mom) death. Then the seemingly endless chemo treatments, job layoff, the unexpected loss of mom's best friend, etc., etc., etc.

But then again there were some glimpses of light even in the midst of absolute chaos and darkness.

Even though it was difficult to lose my grandma, it also seemed to be time. Please don't take that as being cold and unfeeling, but my mom was responsible for Grandma's visitation and care and with the looming surgery, recovery, then chemo it was time for someone else to step in.

That someone else ended up being the Lord, as He took her home to be with Him. He is, after all, the best caretaker anyone could need. Grandma ended up in good Hands.

The job loss also had a bright spot - it allowed me to be more available to my mom when she needed it and not just when it was convenient for the job situation. I didn't have to feel constantly torn between my responsibilities to work and my God-given responsibilities to my mom. It has also given me a chance to embrace a new calling and explore the possibility of realizing a long-held dream.

I've yet to come up with a positive light shined on the loss of Mom's best friend, but perhaps that's one that will have to wait until reaching the other side. There's some questions that will never be adequately answered until we have a chance to ask them face-to-face.

I hope God has a way to duplicate my questions in my notebook. Heck, He already knows them.

So many difficult things have happened this past year, and yet each one seems to have driven me closer to the Lord's feet. I can definitely say I've laid prostrate there so much of this past year. I guess that's another positive that's come from the difficulties myself and my family have faced. It gives greater meaning to the hurts.

And greater hope for the future. Welcome 2011!

The Spoiled Surprise

2010-12-29T20:54:00.006-06:00

So Tonya spoiled my big secret.

Yes, for the first time in my life I've become a blonde! It was so funny when the lightener was on my hair - the girls all kept asking if I could feel my IQ slipping with each minute. But now that its been a couple of weeks, I already have dark roots coming back.

Onto Christmas - Even though round two hit me, I started fighting back. There's this great stuff called "Oreganol" that is liquid oregano that burns like a dog going down. Someone told me about it last year and when I felt the junk coming on just dribbled a few drops under my tongue a couple of times a day. It was the first year in so long that I didn't end up with a horrible bout of bronchitis.

Well forget it for this year. The moment I felt the stuff coming back, I bit the bullet and ran to Whole Foods to pick up a vial. The stuff is terribly expensive but I couldn't waste anymore time. Christmas Eve services were a week and ahalf away. Singing with swamp lungs would never work.

Made it through both services and Sunday's church services. Once again, not great but at least I made it through it without scratching everyone's ears too badly. Pastor is looking forward to my getting the old voice back a bit more and checking how high I get in both my chest voice and head voice. Haven't had vocal lessons since college so I have no idea what my range is at this point, though it is not as good as it once was. Still, I'm just freaking, flipping, and whatever other "f" word I can come up with (no, not THAT one Gary!) that I'm just able to sing at all again. Cannot tell you how wonderful it has been getting to sing in praise team regularly and being asked to sing for services.

It just frustrates me that I couldn't be at full capacity - but then there's always next Christmas. Just gonna have to make sure I have a ready supply of Oreganol before winter hits.

Now before Tonya figures it out, I'll let you in on my next non-secret.

I'm gonna go vibrant red - but that will still be a couple more weeks. Don't want to go bald now.

Feeling A Little Devious

2010-12-12T18:35:00.002-06:00

I've got a secret! I've got a secret!

And I can hardly wait to let my family in on it this coming weekend. Well and some of my friends this Tuesday evening. It will be interesting to see the reactions I get.

You see I've done something I never thought I'd do. Not going to share it with you all, my dear readers, until after my family has had a chance to get in on the secret first.

Then the cat will be out of the bag, so to speak.

So that's all I'm going to say about it right now. Look for my post next Saturday or Sunday after I return home from the family Christmas in Oklahoma. It will be then that I'll share my secret with you - and let you know of the priceless reactions from said family members. I'll treasure them for a lifetime, I'm sure.

Just a little devious that way. :-)

Happy Holy Terror Holidays

2010-12-11T16:30:00.007-06:00

A busy weekend is fast approaching.

Today I've taken advantage of the first free weekend we've had in quite a while to get some things accomplished around the house and to relax and rest without being sick or running around sick.

I've also had alot of rehearsing to do.

For the last three plus weeks I've been fighting an extreme cold and laryngitis. During Thanksgiving, for four days I couldn't even talk - at all! Of course, my family was probably most grateful to Heaven above for a relatively quiet and unperturbed holiday. But I digress.

So just at the time I begin to get sick, my choir director asks me to sing a song with the choir for Christmas Eve services. I was also asked to sing praise team for last Sunday, of which I had to switch with someone since my voice was barely functional even then. I was also asked to do a reading again for Sunday the 19th.

Then Wednesday night at rehearsal (where I still could not sing but went anyway to listen and get down more music in my head at least), I discover that the Christmas Eve song I'm supposed to sing has been scheduled for Sunday the 19th. I've been listening to it since receiving the music but have not been able to actually sing it until today, though it is still only somewhat. What's more is that the Sunday I switched out last weekend with the fellow soprano was for the 19th.

So that means on Sunday the 19th for services I am doing a reading, praise team, and singing with the choir a song I have yet to be able to practice with them and the other soloist live and in person. We'll get to do that hopefully for the first time this coming Wednesday night at choir rehearsal.

Then Thursday morning my son informs me that his Christmas choir concert at school is scheduled for next Wednesday night. He's also doing something special for said concert so that means I have to be in two places at once.

Oh Happy Holy Terror Holidays indeed! I wish at the moment human cloning was legal.

So if next weekend isn't packed enough already, we're heading down to Oklahoma that Friday evening for a Christmas Open House for my parents' church and then our all family Christmas gathering on Saturday before heading back up here Saturday night for Sunday services. I pray my voice is fully recovered before then.

It may be a busy weekend, but as I said before I'm not turning aside any opportunities the Lord puts in my path.

There's got to be a reason for it somewhere...I hope. :-)

The Strangeness of Strangers

2010-12-07T22:36:00.006-06:00

Things are feeling very strange tonight.

Previously I've blogged briefly about a friendship that was betrayed eleven years ago and the pain that brought, but also what I've learned from that time period. God never lets a hurt go unused if it is given to Him for His glory.

Twice in all of these years, this person made contact with me to try and open correspondence - once by letter about six years ago and once via Facebook about a year and ahalf ago. I never responded to either because I wasn't sure how to feel about it all and if I was strong enough to open those old wounds - not only for myself but for my son as well. Most importantly, I neither sensed genuine remorse nor received any apology.

But perhaps the timing is right now.

Lately I've sensed the Lord directing my mind more and more toward her. This past weekend there was a distinct sense from the Lord that I needed to make contact - that now the time was ripe.

Still not sure how to feel about it, but in obedience I searched for and found her through the Linked In website - it appears she's no longer on Facebook. So I sent a contact notice and my personal email so as not to muddy a public site with highly sensitive and extremely personal correspondence.

She responded back right away.

Then I wasn't sure how to proceed. I'd stepped out in obedience but wasn't sure what I expected to happen. Have no clue whatsoever what will happen or even what I want to happen from this. Perhaps it is just a time to speak the truth and offer forgiveness. Maybe eventually there might even be a chance to establish an acquaintence or (dare I say it) a friendship of sorts again - but that is spending time in fantasyland, whereas I'm too realistic of a girl to allow myself to wallow in such dangerous territory. Reality may bite much of the time but the long-term price of fantasyland no one can afford.

So for now I'm just opening up communication and telling it like it is. I'm pretty good at that anymore. She's at least willing to communicate and talk in reality too, unlike how things were going when the friendship ended. And I've finally received something for which I've waited eleven years.

A remorseful and heartfelt apology.

Reality may have the deepest hurts, but it also contains moments of true and actual joy. That's something fantasyland will never provide. So I'll take reality any day.

Even if it makes me feel strange.

Ramping Up The Season

2010-12-05T21:10:00.005-06:00

Busy weekend as we welcome the season!

Saturday morning my son had to be up and at-'em early for all day rehearsals and an early evening concert for District Choir. While he attended to his business, I had a list a mile long of things I needed to get done.

Decided to finish my book first though. Needed to return it to a friend and I'd been nursing it all week. Only had a couple of chapters left to complete the thing anyway.

So after my son's MOST excellent performance (state choir is next!) we skeedaddled home to finish up my pot of chicken and noodles and made it just in time for my Sunday School class Christmas party. Had an absolute ball, listened to some awesome singing by a good friend of mine in choir, and finished off the night with some Christmas carols and pass the mike moments of Christmas memories. Such an absolute time of fellowship and enjoyment!

So this morning I was supposed to sing in praise team - NOT happening until this crazy junk gets completely gone (which better the heck be real soon). So one of the other sopranos told me she'd sing in my place and swap Sundays with me for the 19th. I'm already doing a Christmas reading that Sunday, so adding praise team to the line-up won't be too difficult to carry off.

As long as my voice returns in full force very soon, that is.

The season is ramping up and running already. Do you realize it is only twenty days until Christmas? Thanksgiving feels like is was eons ago already. This morning it was wonderful to hear the strains of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel", "The First Noel", and "What Child Is This" to mark the first Sunday of Advent.

May the rest of our weekends overflow with comfort and joy until we get back to that most holiest of nights.

That's my other favorite Christmas carol, by the way. Perhaps we'll be singing that one come the 19th. God always has a way of working things out for the best.

And making the season bright.

Life Worth Living

2010-12-04T10:02:00.006-06:00

Had some really interesting happenings at school this week.

Now understand - I'm the old lady at school and as such have become like a mother figure to pretty much everyone there. Countless times I've had some of the girls come up to me and lay their wounds bare before me. It's become quite clear that school as well as this industry is fertile ground.

One of the girls recently came out on the floor from two months in the classroom. She is a young and quiet soul and has a tendency to keep to herself. Some of the more sanguine and extroverted girls have had a tendency to label her as a bit snooty or standoff'ish. For some reason, I've suspected that label to be misapplied in her case.

This week confirmed it.

Because of my "mom" status, I have a tendency to go around school to all of the stations and just touch base, comment, and encourage each student, especially as each new class enters the big, bad, scary world of live rehearsal on the floor. Working with mannequins is one thing - real, live human beings quite another. Tuesday this particular student talked with me for a few minutes. We made a connection.

Wednesday was my turn to run the desk (we take turns, though I seem to be on the desk ALOT - I wonder why). When it isn't busy, the desk person must stay at their assigned position but can sit on one of the sofas in the waiting area and study (and since we were on Anatomy and Physiology, I felt the study time would be most prudent - made a 100% by the way). This student came by on a break, sat down, and proceeded to open up to me about all of the hurtful things that were going on in her life at present - the death of her grandmother, her mom finding out about her dad's affair, and facing the return of a cheating boyfriend who wanted to try and get back together.

Needless to say, this young lady has an awful lot of trials going on in her life!

I'd hoped by just listening and sharing with her some of my own trials and how my faith in God has walked me through it all, it might give her hope and make some sort of difference.

Thursday morning she came to school beaming. She'd decided Wednesday night to stop in at a church she once attended and immediately reconnected with several old friends. She couldn't wait to tell me what had transpired.

She'll never know how uplifting it was for me to hear.

Sometimes we go about our Christian life never knowing if anything we do makes a difference. Where's the evidence that God is moving and working through our lives to touch others and bless them?

Perhaps on occasion, God gives us a small peek. That's what happened to me this week. In blessing someone else with just being there and being willing to be vulnerable, the Lord blessed me with the knowledge that He was still using this old instrument for His glory.

It makes life worth living - even on those days when you want to box the ears of those crazy youngsters.

First Prize Pics

2010-11-30T22:02:00.004-06:00

Couple of pictures tonight from my first place win at the Salon Fair and hair show a couple of weeks ago at school. One is of my model as we were waiting for line-up and the other is last minute touch-ups before the big strut.

I'm still waiting for the professional pictures of us actually walking the runway, but that will have to come from the school. That may take awhile.

In the meantime, enjoy checking out my fringing technique and the lovely little shot of the violet tail (don't think you can see it very good in the waiting pic though).

That day was still so wonderful. It even snowed for several hours before the show began, almost like a little smile from God. He knows how much I love snow. :-)

Short and sweet tonight, as I'm still working on getting back to full health. Supposed to sing Sunday, but may have to cancel if my voice doesn't return soon. Hopefully it will be raring to go though for Christmas Eve.

I hope it snows - later that night anyway.

Christmas Life

2010-11-28T18:13:00.007-06:00

The Christmas season has officially begun!

At least around our house anyway. :-)

Mom and Dad brought my son home and spent the rest of the weekend with us as tradition dictates. We've got our tree up and in the water, presents purchased, and I'm getting ready to start doing some decorating around the house.

Now if only I could keep up with the dishes and dusting.

Christmas is typically my favorite time of year (Independence Day a close second), but this year it feels a little more mellowed for some reason. A year ago brought alot of heartache and upset right around this time with my mother's cancer diagnosis followed swiftly by my grandma's passing (mom's mom). Eleven years ago this Christmas Eve was also the time my dear grandpa passed away. There seems to be alot of hurt attached to this time of year anymore.

Back when I was married (sooo many moons ago) I was just starting out in the banking industry and didn't have enough seniority to get time off at Christmas. My husband's family lived in Nebraska and he would take off a week or two and go up to see them. I'd go a couple of hours south and drive back Christmas night.

I remember vividly that first Christmas night driving back home all alone. As I entered the city, it was eerie in its silence and disturbing in its darkness. Nary a car was in sight as I roamed the streets and pulled into the garage. Walking into the empty house brought such pangs of loneliness of which I've rarely experienced since.

My ex and I never spent a single Christmas together.

Which is why after the divorce, Christmas became my favorite holiday once again. I had no good Christmas memories from my marriage to cloud my future happy holidays.

But 1999 muddied the waters for awhile after the loss of my very best friend forever and ever between Thanksgiving and Christmas that year and then the passing of my grandpa that Christmas Eve. It was several hard years after that before Christmas again became a festive time for us.

So even though there's rather a mellowed sense of the season this year, there's also so much life to celebrate in that Mom is doing great and my family continues to draw close to one another through these tough times.

And isn't new life what we're really celebrating at Christmas anyway?

That's what I thought.

A Thanksgiving Remembered

2010-11-25T20:26:00.006-06:00

Thanksgiving day is dwindling - it's hard to believe it is almost over, it came so fast.

Drove back from my sister's in Oklahoma tonight all by myself. It's been somewhat of a tradition for the past eighteen years.

Since I've been in banking, I've almost always worked the Friday after Thanksgiving and taken off time at Christmas - a trade-off, if you will. During those early years, I never had a babysitter to watch my son that day, so my mother started coming back with me either Thursday night or would bring my son back and drive up Friday sometime after Thanksgiving. Then we'd spend time that weekend getting our tree, decorating our house, and doing a little shopping if we felt brave enough to tackle the crowds.

So even though my son is grown, my mom still comes back with us for the weekend to help us get ready for our Christmas - this year because I have school. It's become one of our many family traditions now.

Today we had a wonderful time at my sister's, ate a ton, took a nap, watched a movie (An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving) while the guys watched football. One of my nephews was home from Minnesota and a niece and great-niece were there from Arkansas, so I knew my son would want to hang out with them for awhile. So I said goodbye, will see my son and parents tomorrow, and chucked myself home for the night.

Sometimes I love the drive all by myself. The night sky was beautiful tonight and traffic wasn't all that bad amazingly enough. Tonight was a time for thinking. Just another month and it will be a year since our lives fell apart with my mother's cancer. But looking at her today, her hair is thick and getting longer all the time. She's regaining more and more of her health each and every day. Maybe someday soon I'll be able to look at her without worrying anymore or feeling the need to see if she's doing alright. It's really hard to believe it's been almost a year. So much has changed, and yet there is an element of peace in the family once again.

And THAT is something well worth giving thanks for this Thanksgiving.

Riding the Roller Coaster

2010-11-21T17:20:00.004-06:00

This past week has been quite a roller coaster - mostly up but a bit down too.

Last Sunday I had an urgent agenda after church. When my music pastor asked me to sing a solo part in the Christmas Eve services, I was pleased and excited. Then reality hit me.

I don't have a dress.

Our Christmas Eve services are huge affairs, with all the bling a girl can ask for. Rarely do I sing Christmas Eve and the few times I have it has been in the loft, where it is mainly important to have bling on the upper half. Black pants or a black skirt usually work fine otherwise.

However, as a soloist, it is imperitive that I have a dress that meets certain criteria.

1. The dress must be long
2. The dress must have plenty of sparkle
3. The dress must be modest (it is in church after all)
4. The dress must have a jacket or sleeves - no bare shoulders or arms

It was a bit daunting to realize that I was going to have to go shopping for a long dress in the midst of the season - meaning it would be highly unlikely that there'd be anything on sale and anything less than $200.

Ouch!

Checked out several stores over the weekend and then shuffled my way to Dillard's Sunday and figured I'd have to bite the bullet eventually.

Came out with a great dress.

#1 - check
#2 - check
#3 - check
#4 - check
Budget - priceless

No seriously, I came out of there spending less than $50 on a beautiful turquoise blue dress on sale in my size. How about them apples?

Then onto the remainder of the week. Previously I mentioned the Salon Fair and taking first place in the hair show. What an incredible surprise! I still can't get over that one.

Wednesday night I came home to an email from the music pastor asking me to do another reading in services this morning. Great scripture reading from Romans 8 - loved it!

Then Thursday I felt it coming on. All day I was just absolutely exhausted. Tried to chalk it up to the let down after all of the stress from the hair show and such, but deep down I knew it was about to catch up to me. Thursday night was critique and it was great seeing everyone there for the first time in awhile (and just before the season gets crazy).

Friday morning brought the worst sore throat I can remember in some time. Made it at school until about 1:30 then I had to pack it in. Spent the majority of the weekend in bed and snoozing away the time. Never do I like getting sick. Typically I always get on my own nerves after laying around the house for a day or two, watching the laundry grow and the dishes pile up on the counter.

Hey, it's hard keeping a good woman down!

Needless to say, I've tried to somewhat enjoy this down time. Read a few books and watched a movie that I haven't seen in years. Made it through services and the reading this morning but hurried home and back to bed.

Feeling a bit better this evening. Fever is down again and I'm hoping to be back in the saddle for school tomorrow. My son has an early morning for tomorrow so he's busy getting ready for it all. I can also be thankful that I'm getting the junk out of the way before Thanksgiving and Christmas this year instead of being down during one of the holidays. That's never fun.

So I'm just about to get off the roller coaster I think. Funny - I always did like the downhill rush better than the uphill clickety-clack ride.

Guess I'll appreciate whatever comes for the remainder of 2010.

Keep It Coming, Lord!

2010-11-17T20:56:00.005-06:00

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH!!!!!!!

Do you think I might have something exciting to share tonight?

It's been a long and tiring day. Choir rehearsal was great this evening even though I was thoroughly exhausted because of a very busy and emotional day.

Today was our school's Salon Fair and hair show. All of the floor students (classroom attendees not included) participated with models and/or mannequins to present to the audience. Several students had two and three models and several had a slew of mannequins for the judging. Area salon owners and managers came to the school to view the hair and make-up stylings of the participating students and interview those who will be graduating soon.

It's quite an exhausting process just preparing for it, much less spending time that day preparing ourselves and our models to strut the runway.

Little old me had just one model. I don't really have alot of people in this area I know who are available during the daytime hours. Needless to say, I was thankful for the one.

The last several weeks I've been cutting (yes, the fringe technique previously mentioned), coloring, and playing with make-up and styling ideas with my model. She's been a real trooper and brought in some great examples for costuming and such from her own wardrobe, on which I added my personal "twist". The show was centered around entrants in the categories of the seven deadly sins or seven heavenly virtues.

I chose "Wrath" as my model's image. Had so much fun with it too.

So today as everyone was working, I looked around at the pretty up-do's, hair extensions, and costumes. Then I looked at my exhibit and wondered how I was going to do. See, there was a contest at stake but I wasn't so much worried about that as making a good impression on the salon owners and managers who might consider hiring me after graduation. In thinking about that, I put myself in their shoes and decided that if I was a salon owner going to a hair show that I'd prefer to see what students capabilites were in regard to cutting and coloring and not so much with the fluffy stuff.

So I left the flat iron and curling iron in my locker and pulled only my blow dryer. That way I could really highlight the texture effects of the beyond the fringe technique of the cut I'd accomplished. Plus there was the highlighting and color effects sprinkled throughout the style as well. Figured I'd let the hair speak for itself.

Well I got my wish, in that after the show I had alot of interest from salon owners and managers and have several additional very viable options open to me. One salon with multiple locations even had all of their managers there and two of these managers were "fighting" over me. It was so fun!

Then call me absolutely shocked when the contest winners were announced. My entry won flipping FIRST PLACE in the model category. I was so stunned I yelled - "you're kidding me!" in front of everyone.

I laughed and cried and happily took home my first place certificate and the $25 gift certificate (too bad it wasn't $250 :-) but beggars can't be choosers). I'm still a bit in shock tonight.

Thank you once again, Lord, for the continued confirmation that I'm on the right path You've opened before me.

Standing Amazed

2010-11-10T21:31:00.008-06:00

The blessings just keep coming and coming.

Can't remember if I told you about the schooling exactly that I'm currently participating in. I'm attending a cosmetology school with the plan to work for someone else for a couple of years and then open my own salon and day spa. Those plans seem to be getting a big push of late, but I'm not quite ready to share what's happening in that arena yet.

Needless to say, with my anal tendencies (yes, I am able to admit it) I have been working really hard on some European fringe techniques after watching a special video over and over again. One of my fellow students let me practice the technique on her about a month ago and I've been perfecting it ever since, picking up little nuances and incorporating some of my own little specialties with it.

The last two weeks, I've had three clients come in (one a repeat - made me feel so honored) who were game on letting me try the technique on them. They all loved the final result. Yesterday I had a lady from my church come in for an appointment after seeing my hair at church on Sunday. This lady had severely damaged hair and it looked like the last person to touch it had taken a very dull razor to it.

What a mess!

So first of all I proceeded with a special conditioning treatment to rebond the keratin protein in her hair strands. Then I started in on the cut and style. After all was said and done, she absolutely loved it and wore it with pride and glory to the ladies Holiday Pizzazz last night at the church. When she was up on the stage I couldn't help but sit there in the audience just beaming with amazement - she looked so fresh and funky in her new do, and I'd accomplished it. Several people kept commenting throughout the evening and she gave me alot of credit for "saving" her hair.

This morning at school I received a call from a lady who is friends with this particular client. She was so impressed with the cut I'd given that she wanted something similar and also decided it was time to put some fresh color on her hair.

I could hardly contain my excitement - I have just made a name for myself and have clients now who are walking advertisements for my technique.

Lord, your blessings are on a roll. I stand humbled and amazed!

Hope Comes Once Again

2010-11-09T22:14:00.006-06:00

This year may just end on a good note after all.

My son announced to me that he made District Choir and is a high alternate for State Choir. I just about came unglued and pee'd my pants.

Just making sure you're paying attention.

It's going to be alot of work for him in the next few months, but he's so excited. Last year he tried out and unfortunately had a bad cold the weekend of auditions and didn't do very well. He wasn't sure he wanted to try out again but went for it anyway. So glad he did.

District Choir is such an honor but to even make alternate for State is huge. And if he actually ends up getting to participate in State Choir, that's pretty much a guaranteed scholarship for college costs.

I feel giddy!

Then this evening, after arriving home from our church ladies "Holiday Pizzazz" evening of food, fun, and frivolity, I had an email waiting for me from our worship pastor at our church. He's asked me to do a solo part for Christmas Eve services. Typically I don't do Christmas Eve services (it's a rare occasion because I like to enjoy it driving around looking at Christmas lights with my son) but I'm not going to pass it up if this is the direction the Lord is leading.

What with being asked to do readings and participate in praise team for Sunday services the past month, I was thrilled with that. Now to have a chance to do something I haven't done in my church in ten years?????

Is this You, Lord? If it is, I'm not turning it down.

With all that's been lost during 2010, perhaps it has prepared me to be pliable enough for God to use me again.

I just think it is interesting how just in the last few weeks we've felt the hand of God's blessing on our little household. None too soon.

It's a good way to draw an end to a difficult year - hope comes once again.

The Verdict Is In

2010-11-07T14:07:00.004-06:00

Scary morning.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my pastor has been asking me to participate more actively in Sunday services. Well this morning was my turn at praise team, and I was really nervous about if my voice would cooperate or not.

It was a wonderful experience!

My voice was actually pretty clear and strong the last few days and this morning was no exception. Afterward our worship pastor thanked me for singing and told me he was so pleased to hear me sing again. Then several orchestra members came up to me and asked me if I used to sing alot in services (yes) and that it was so good to hear me sing again.

That was nearly ten years ago when my voice last took a turn in worship services.

So I guess once again God was at work. Makes me wonder what's going to happen next.

Now there's a REALLY scary thought.

Tidbits and Timing

2010-11-03T17:55:00.005-05:00

So much going on of late I can hardly keep up - but here's a snippet of where we are at present.

Can you believe we've already ordered graduation announcements, cap and gown, etc., etc.????? And right as I'm trying to purchase a few very minimal Christmas gifts.

But that's another story.

Yes, scholarship application deadlines, graduation stuff and a whole slew of other tidbits are being thrown at us at such a rapid pace I'm hardly able to enjoy the fact that my son is a senior. But he's at least enjoying it, which is all that really matters anyway.

This past weekend was really weird too - I left him home while I went back to visit the family for Neewollah (which, if you didn't figure it out yet, is Halloween spelled backward). He had a Halloween party to go to Saturday night and made the decision to hang out with friends instead of go to Neewollah - after all, he's been to it nearly every year of his life. Therefore, I couldn't deny him that option. He'll be making alot more choices throughout this year and into the next, so I figured it was a good time to start making more of those difficult decisions.

With my guidance, none-the-less. :-)

Even so, it was odd and yet kinda nice to have time to myself, though his younger cousin missed him. Have a feeling that time to myself is going to increase substantially very soon.

So if those changes weren't enough to deal with lately, I've had another realization this past week or so. Can't really put my finger on exactly when it really began to solidify in my mind, but it has to do with my schooling and future plans. My brain has been chewing on this and then some things were said this past weekend while with the family that has me thinking even more about it this week. One of my instructors even brought up the subject today and we discussed it at length.

But that's going to have to wait for another entry.

After all, I've got enough going on at present to fill my time. This one is going to be a biggie.

Remembering the Loaves and Fishes

2010-10-24T17:50:00.007-05:00

This week I did something I haven't done in years.

I bought a new music accompaniment track.

Years ago, I was very involved in the music ministry of my church, singing solos, acting in our huge Christmas and Easter productions, etc., etc., etc. But then came the difficult years and my voice was striken from me.

Not to mention my heart and soul.

As many of you know, in the last few years I've been on a quest to find my voice again. My doctor put me on some thyroid medication. Then we changed it after it seemed I might have an allergy to the binding agent in that particular brand.

Since then, I've gotten alot of my voice back but not to the capacity, clarity, and dependability that it once was, which has been very difficult for me to accept. Used to I never had to think twice about my voice cracking or just disappearing on me suddenly, but it is something I've had to work on and try to adapt to in order to sing these days (and some days are better than others).

A few years ago I wrote about having participated in a musical Christmas play at my church. Still not the best singing job but better, and it felt so great to be acting again and reaching others. Recently my music pastor has had me do some poems and scripture readings in services - can't tell you how wonderful that has felt. This week he also asked me to participate in the praise team in a couple of weeks.

That's gotten me to thinking.

When you've been used to having a clear and lovely voice, it's hard to accept anything less from yourself. But what if - just what if - God could still use whatever voice I have to reach others? No it isn't perfect, no it isn't what I've grown up being used to, but maybe just my willingness to put myself in the hands of my Lord, He might touch someone through the words of a song. I long to once again be an instrument played beautifully by the hands of God again, have His light shine through me and touch others. It's truly the most incredible feeling in the world.

So even though I expect perfection from myself, perhaps the little I have to give is all He needs to touch a life or two. I'll never know until I make myself available to Him in that way again.

Just can't help but remember what He did with a few loaves and fishes.

Comfort In The Midst of Uncomfortable

2010-10-15T21:11:00.007-05:00

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How true this verse is being played out this week.

This evening I went over to the hospital in a nearby town to comfort a young friend. After getting my mother on the road toward health and healing from her mastectomy this past January, we received news this week that a friend was going to have to have a mastectomy.

She's in her early thirties.

Never dreamed I'd see someone else I know go through such a traumatic procedure so soon. Never in my life did I ever expect someone so young to have to endure it.

I mean, I know it happens - and to those even younger. But those are the stories you read about in the news or books. It's hit so close to home tonight.

Certainly hope I can be a comfort to her in the midst of this trying time. I was able to share some helpful hints before she went to the hospital this morning. It sure was good to see her tonight and know that she came through it okay.

But the road to recovery will be long and rough. The cancer is in her lymph nodes. I didn't have to endure that with my mother. Even so, I know I can still be a source of solid information and pray that I can be of comfort to her too. Somehow what we endured with my mom is coming back around to help someone else. Maybe - somehow - someway - what Mom went through is taking on even greater significance and meaning.

For there truly is comfort in the midst of the uncomfortable when we've walked that path of pain and lived through it.

Thanks, Mom, for allowing me this learning opportunity and enduring the pain you went through so that I could learn how to help someone else. Only God knew how soon I'd need to use His comfort once again.

Homecoming Happenings

2010-10-09T15:26:00.006-05:00

Well tonight is the night of homecoming and all goes well thus far.

My son still is on tap with his date (they confirmed pick-up this afternoon) and has plans to meet with a group of friends and their dates for dinner before the dance. They're all looking forward to a fun, splendid time together.

Once again, we're having positive moments that continue to build on each other throughout his milestones of life. Senior year grades are holding up very well, he's connected deeply with guys in his youth group and made tons of new friends, his connection to the Lord is growing stronger every day, college is heavily in focus, and now an opportunity to take a lovely young lady to his high school dance.

This week we spent some time re-watching some of his Mark Gungor DVD's concerning Sex, Dating, and Relating. Then there's the Manly Man conference bonus DVD, but you don't want me to go there.

I've tried very hard to raise my son with a positive awareness of what it means to be a man of courage and character, to understand the differences in how men and women think, to be aware of pitfalls in dating and relationships, and to see realistically how physical intimacy in a relationship too often replaces true intimacy. These DVD's don't necessarily try to give a moral argument against sex and its equivalents before marriage (though they are from a Christian perspective) but a real-world argument about how physical intimacy before marriage too often destroys the foundation and trust needed for a marriage to succeed long-term.

I think we can see how that is daily played out in our culture.

I've made my own mistakes in this regard and wish very much to protect my son from the hurt, heartache, and disappointment that destruction leaves in its wake. I know in the end it will be his choice how to conduct himself in his relationships as he leaves the nest. But I never want him to come back and ask why no one ever told him. For me, I want to know that my son has a chance to live life and live it abundantly.

Maybe then he can be part of the solution instead of continuing to be a part of the problem. But for tonight, we'll just get past homecoming and his first real date.

Lord help me be able to sleep tonight. :-)

Bursting My Buttons

2010-10-06T21:29:00.004-05:00

I am proud of my son.

As I wrote this past spring, my son asked a young lady to go to his junior prom with him. However, said young lady ended up accepting then canceling on him at the last minute, which fried my butt to no end.

But tonight I'm proud to write that that little fiasco, as painful as it was at that time, hasn't stopped him from getting up and trying again. This weekend is homecoming and he's invited a girl from school to go with him. They've been hanging out talking after their government class and choir, so he decided this past Monday to take a chance.

She accepted.

They've been planning where to eat beforehand, clothing coordination, etc. My son even asked when his next haircut was rescheduled for after having to move it from last weekend. He was relieved when I told him we were able to get him in for this Saturday morning.

Just in time.

He's also planned his wardrobe, coordinated directions with his date, and is going to clean his car - and all of this without my having to direct the efforts.

Wow! It sure is nice having a responsible young man in the house. :-)

So I'm looking forward to sitting back and watching him take care of it all. Of course, I hope I get a picture or two of them together before the night is through.

Knowing him, I'm sure he'll swing by after they go eat dinner. Kinda goes back to that responsible thing, you know? My buttons on my blouse are about to burst - with pride!

The Fast and Furious

2010-10-03T13:14:00.005-05:00

October is here - the air has turned cool (thankfully) - the leaves are beginning to drop.

The college applications are coming in fast and furious.

For weeks now, my son has been bombarded with letters, postcards, and applications for various colleges throughout the country. My head is spinning, much less his. But he thinks he now knows where he'd like to attend next year, so we're at least getting a few items checked off the long list.

Now if we can stop adding five for each item we check off.

However, yesterday the mailbox contained something a little new. The college he's decided upon sent an unsolicited scholarship for the Dean's Scholarship, based upon his ACT scores. It's small but it is something and hopefully only one of many to come his way. He's planning to apply for a music scholarship as well so it would be wonderful to see that pan out for him too.

In the meantime, my hands are busy tapping away at admissions and scholarship application forms to guide my son through the process. Good thing I'm a writer, otherwise my fingers would be numb by now.

Makes me wonder what winter will bring.

The Beginning of the End

2010-09-30T20:27:00.004-05:00

Well tonight started the beginning of the end.

My son had his first choir performance of his last year of high school.

It's not a huge ordeal, just kinda a precursor to their opening choir concert at the school. This is an outside concert at our town's annual festival. Tonight was the kickoff of the opening weekend and all of the area schools participate in the live music throughout the evening. Plus there's carnival rides, games, food, festivities - what more could a young man and his mother ask for?

Sitting there at the park, it felt a bit surreal to realize that this is the last time he will be performing for the festival (unless he becomes a famous musician and is invited back to perform at one of the Friday or Saturday concerts - hey, it could happen). It still hasn't fully hit me that my baby boy is now a legal adult.

Oh help me, Lord!

But tonight it struck me for the first time that this is the beginning of a year that will disappear so rapidly, run off and leave if I don't pay attention. I don't plan to miss any of it.

Which made this evening all the more poignant, especially when he got up to sing his solo piece. It truly is the beginning of the end for this stage of his life.

And he can't wait to see what happens next.

The Surprise Is Out Of The Bag

2010-09-24T22:26:00.004-05:00

The evening winds down - but not really.

Yes, it is the night of my son's big 18th birthday party and it has been a huge hit. Since things are sort of winding down, I can finally let the surprise out of the bag.

I rented a limo for the evening to take the guys around all by themselves and just have a jolly good time for a few hours. When it pulled up, the guys started spilling out of the house and just going crazy. You should have seen the look on my son's face. Priceless!

In fifth grade, my son won a limousine ride as part of the school sales raffle. That began his love of limos. When my dear friend got married, we got to ride once again in a limo. When I took my son and my mother to Alaska with me on a business trip, I rented a limo to take them on a tour of Anchorage one afternoon. Of course, I had to work. :-)

After the events of fifth grade, I've carried this idea around for his 18th if he still seemed fond of limos. They had an absolute blast and now all of the guys are pining for limo rides for their upcoming 18th's as well. I'm so sorry to all of the parents for planting the seed.

The evening has been so wonderful, full of frivolitry, laughter, and cameraderie...things we could use a little more often around here sometimes. Our bellies have all gotten quite the workout.

So now begins the sleepover - and this time it has to be a sleepover because my son and several of the guys will be leaving in the morning for an overnight backpacking trip with the youth group from church. Thank God my son will be out of school Monday for in-service.

So I actually think we might get a little bit of sleep tonight also. It will be a very satisfying sleep for me.

Now I can't say the same for my son and his friends. I don't think they'll mind too much though, do you?

The Big 1-8 Approaches

2010-09-20T17:58:00.004-05:00

The big week is finally here - yes, my baby boy turns 18. He's almost an official adult.

But he still lives in my house, so my house my rules still applies. And yes, I've already had that talk with him. I'm still the control-freak that way. :-)

There's a big surprise awaiting him and his friends come Friday night, and I sure hope my son relishes the moment. I've had this planned since fifth grade.

Yes, I'm also an advance planner by nature, as well as the control-freak.

Even with being in school and living off of my savings at the moment, there was no way I could put aside what I've wanted to do for him for so long. I'll get another job in about six or seven months when school is done and replenish that savings account quickly (God willing). So I think a little extra tap-in is in due order for such a momentous event.

After all, it isn't every day that your one and only child turns 18. One must take advantage of those milestones and celebrate.

I'll let you know how it turns out this weekend.

Worship

2010-09-12T21:14:00.005-05:00

Worship service was so amazing this morning!

Our church choir sang a variety of powerful songs this morning, all humming along the same theme - majesty and glory. Then to top it off, we sang the incredible octavo "Majesty of Glory of Your Name".

This was a piece I first was introduced to in my college choir. The incredible flowing beauty of the song quickly found its place in my heart, mind, and soul and has never left since.

Our church choir has brought it out from time-to-time in my adult years - not often enough for me, I must admit. Years pass between the opportunities to sing it. But each time we pull it out of the hallowed music library halls, I never need to look at the music score. It is so deeply ingrained in my heart and soul that it will never leave.

That's why I was so honored and blessed to be asked to recite a piece, written so long ago, as an introduction to today's lyrical offering - The Creation, by James Weldon Johnson. It is a brief descriptive of that moment so long ago when God's creative mind was on display as the universe came into being.

Tonight I went for an evening walk down the darkened pathways and just stared up into the clear blackened sky, spangled with the moon and stars. Even in the midst of a trying year, I felt the majesty of His presence in the deepening night, the words of the song this morning drifting over my mind once again.

And I worshiped.

Be Over Already!

2010-09-11T12:22:00.002-05:00

At this point, I just want 2010 to be over.

This is the year that has been such a mess for my family, particularly my mother. First the cancer diagnosis and the seemingly unending turmoil that brings, and then her mother's death (my grandma) all tied up into one. This morning, my mom received additional devastating news to add to the already torturous year.

Her best friend in the entire world passed away unexpectedly late last night.

They'd started out as co-workers, then lunch buddies, then somewhere along the way became dear friends. Even after Betty's retirement they continued to meet at least once a week for lunch. I finally had the pleasure of meeting Betty in person during my mother's cancer surgery and convalescence. I'm so sad it took so long and such tragic circumstances to finally have the opportunity to meet someone who meant so much to my mother.

And now she's gone.

Mom's concerned about the family and how they will manage with Betty gone. Rightfully so. She was the stalwart matriarch of the family - much like my mother is of ours. When I spoke to Mom this morning on the phone, she sounded a little shell-shocked. I kinda feel the same way for her.

Which is one reason I'm so ready to say a bitter farewell to 2010. May it rot in infamy.

Rumblings and Ramblings

2010-09-06T21:11:00.004-05:00

My dear readers - it has been entirely too long!

Yes, I'm trying to get back into the writing saddle after a very tumultuous year. This post will be a brief update on where things stand in the rumblings and ramblings of 2010.

We just returned from spending a relaxing Labor Day weekend with Mom and Dad. Mom is enjoying retirement, getting her strength back, and also getting her hair back. The hair is coming in thick and is about a half-inch long. There also seems to be alot more pepper mixed in with the salt. :-)

Before leaving to come back home this afternoon, Mom and I also tried a jaunt around their town's walking paths. Shortly after getting some strength back after her last chemo treatment in June, Mom and I attempted a short walk around the block from their house. She barely made it back to the house before her legs gave out. Today we walked a mile or two with a few brief pauses along the way. It's really good to see her getting back to her old self. It reminded me of the walks she and I used to take together around town as I got older and before moving away.

My schooling is going well and I'm looking forward to finishing up in the spring and getting my feet back in the working saddle. Can hardly wait to open my own business someday after getting a couple of years under the belt.

Speaking of school, my son started his senior year of high school - oh my gosh! So far, it seems to be going very well. He had a physics test and only missed one, and his last chemistry test he scored a 100%. Even with his heavy schedule this year, he seems to be taking it in stride and getting his academic "feet" underneath him. None too soon!

So we're looking forward to the joys of senior year'itis. Thus far it is looking good.

Now if only I can get my life in order after getting everyone else's taken care of. :-)

Summertime in Season

2010-06-01T22:08:00.004-05:00

The summertime season is officially in full swing.

This past weekend we had alot of fun with the family down in Oklahoma. Sunday evening we weren't even halfway home and my son was busy on his phone, texting his friends to see who wanted to come and hang out overnight. Ben was the luck of the draw.

So Monday afternoon Ben's brother, Will, comes over to pick him up and they decide to have another sleepover. I'm still not sure if it is supposed to be my son, Will AND Ben or just my son and Will. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

This evening my son invited his long-time buddy, Andrew, to come over. Suffice it to say, he's going to be sleeping over tonight too.

Though not to be outdone, Marcus showed up a bit ago and the three of them are in the family room tearing through some video game with "The Prestige" to watch later.

I went for a walk.

There's something absolutely wonderful about a late night walk in the summer, with the stars twinkling in the blackened sky, the wind whispering in the trees like the secrets of a best friend, and the hush after a busy day. I feel closer to God in those moments.

But then I get back home to the chaos of three teenaged guys playing shoot 'em-up on the Wii.

Yes, summertime has begun.

The Dreaded "D" Word

2010-05-21T19:46:00.005-05:00

Divorce

Such a terrible word. Such terrible wounds fanning out like a spider's web, touching more than the two parties involved.

Just this week I learned of two separate couples who find themselves in the throes of divorce proceedings. One divorce involves no children, while the other has two very young souls enmeshed in the chaos. Even though the first couple have no children there are still parents, other relatives, and friends that are affected forever by the division.

I remember when a sister went through a divorce and we struggled as a family to divide ourselves from him and his family out of loyalty to my sister. Friendships that involved both my sister and her former husband were stretched thin between the two. Eventually a side won the friendship battle. Even so, everyone still lost in the end.

When I suffered through my own divorce, even in the freedom there was extended pain. My mother-in-law was very dear to me, but now I've neither seen nor spoken to her in eighteen years. My mother and my ex's older sister were friends and taught Sunday School together in their church. Now they only speak to each other when necessary. There's that family loyalty to consider.

Having been through it all, I understand first-hand why God hates divorce. It tears into the very heart and soul of humanity - after all, God is about relationship. It's why He created us in the first place. Even in that perfect garden, God saw that humans needed other humans even though we eventually screwed up His perfection.

I know the legalists preach no divorce and no divorce/remarriage. I understand where they are coming from - I used to be one of them. But now that I see scripture from the side of having lived through the painful web of divorce and it's aftermath, I think I understand the deeper heart of what Christ was trying to get across to humanity two-thousand years ago.

There are never any winners, only losers when it comes to divorce. Relationships are shattered and most times irreparable, and God sees hurt upon hurt heaped upon humanity.

Which is why He hates that dreaded "D" word so much.

Because in many ways divorce equals death.

Peace and Quiet - Rumbles to Follow

2010-05-15T12:16:00.004-05:00

Rain is falling softly outside under an overcast sky. The wind whispers through the trees, the morning quiet and undisturbed.

But my son and his friends will soon wake and the morning quiet will be followed by eruptions of rambunctious teenaged boys.

And I thought they were pretty crazy when they were kids!

Since my son didn't have to work last night, he invited friends over to the house once again. There have been few weekends where we've been home without a schedule for many long months now, so he's taking full advantage of it. Later today they're going to go out and see the new Robin Hood movie starring Russell Crowe.

Haven't they remade that tale enough by now????

I'm glad though that he's having a chance to reconnect with friends outside of school. We've been on the move so much that he's had little opportunity of late. It's something I need to take advantage of too and learn from his example.

Last night I received a call from a dear friend of mine that I haven't talked to much in a long time. She and I have missed running into each other most of the few Sundays I've been at my own church since January. Last weekend we were actually in town because of my son's prom, but then she was away to spend the day with her parents for Mother's Day.

Go figure.

It was so nice to reconnect with her. I haven't realized how much I've missed my close friendships until that call. We updated each other on our lives. She asked about Mom, and I asked about her Marine son, his wife and granddaughter. Sometimes it is so hard for me to believe that she's a grandma.

Grandmotherhood will be fun someday myself, though I'd like to put it off until my son has at least finished college. :-) I only hope I've taught him well enough from the error of my own ways.

In the meantime, it sounds like the boys are stirring from slumber now that it is almost 12:45. And now the quietness of the morning gives way to the rumbles of the afternoon.

Or was that thunder?

Now or Never

2010-05-14T09:04:00.006-05:00

Life can be so interesting sometimes. With everything that has transpired in the past several months, I'm getting ready to do something I never thought I'd do at this stage in my life.

I'm going back to school.

When I was younger, my parents owned a little fast-food joint in the small town where we grew up. That entrepreneurial bug bit me back then (even though I never wanted to work in the food industry again) and has always been there in the back of my mind since - nagging away like a bitter old woman.

So I'm going back to school to garner some additional skills and open my own business.

With my many years in the banking and finance industry, I've gained a wealth of knowledge and skills that will translate to any industry - leadership, management, financing, tangible equity, spreadsheets, P&L's, and (my favorite) employee development. Many people go into business very knowledgeable in their field but without these basic elements of finance and management to help them succeed. This is a death knell for any small business owner.

So many new business owners only look at the income without focusing needed attention on the bottom line. They pull the equity out of their business for their personal needs without leaving that necessary element in the business to build it for the future. They think once they start their business that they'll become wealthy and can relax and live a life of leisure while the peons take care of running the business. Wrong-o!

Being a small business owner means you are the first one in and the last to leave - plus you take it home and work on it every single night. You're constantly researching to stay ahead of the curve and keep up with the latest industry trends. People have short attention spans and you must keep finding inventive ways to make them come back for more. Ownership is not an 8-5, 40 hours a week event. It is a marriage, 24-7.

I remember how my mom would open the restaurant and my dad would close it (after he got in from his teaching job). My mom was a teacher at one time too but they quickly learned that they had to have someone onsite at all times, so Mom gave up her position to focus on the business. Even after closing, they'd count up the money and do the books during the late-night newscast. Anytime we tried taking a vacation, ultimately we'd end up cutting it short and rushing home because of some emergency or mechanical failure.

One time we were in Florida for a long-term family vacation, the first we'd taken in many years so far from home. My dad ended up having to fly back home to take care of a massive mechanical failure and then fly back to Florida for the drive home. The potential income lost was greater than the expense of a last minute ticket.

So here I find myself, on the threshold of headaches, heartburn, and pocketbook failure potential. But if I don't do this now I may never have said opportunity again. Reward never comes without a measure of risk.

Mom's taught me that.

The Cancer Journey

2010-05-11T21:18:00.004-05:00

I've been giving more thought of late to the idea of moving forward with writing a book about my mom's cancer journey.

It's been quite interesting seeing the emotional roller coaster my mom has ridden on (along with a few of us standing by her side). In the beginning was fear of the unknown, the questionable mammogram, the emergency sonogram, the rushed biopsy.

The results.

Then came the inconsolable terror of the diagnosis, the sense of unreality, how this could be happening. Those days were such a blur, no sleep, constant worry, fear of the known and how to comprehend it all. Mom and Dad could hardly function and it took an army of us to band together to make sure we got to all of the appointments and scans, pre-op blood work and heart monitoring accomplished.

Before acceptance had much of a chance to take hold, Grandma passed away, further complicating an already emotional situation and weaving loss upon loss through all our hearts. It almost seemed like too much at the time.

Eventually a tentative acceptance hovered over her as Mom placed herself firmly in God's hands, so confused, so scared, but secure in the loving hands of the Father. Surgery came and she experienced loss of the breast, still intermingled with the loss of her mother, and we all grieved.

But grieving can be healing too.

She experienced the high of being free of detectable cancer cells in any lymph nodes but faced the reality of coming chemo treatments. Fear permeated again, but acceptance of the path laid before her came shortly upon its heels.

The first chemo treatment was a fright-filled event again, but each successive treatment has revealed a resiliency she probably didn't know she had. Once again, loss was experienced - this time her hair - but grieving and acceptance quickly moved her through those stages.

With the fourth chemo treatment, I was able to be present with her and saw a miraculous change in Mom's attitude. She walked into the facility like it was any other day, had all of her papers in tow, greeted everyone with a smile and got down to business without any assistance from anyone else. Then she picked out her chair and the day began.

What a change from the beginning stages of this journey!

Even though I know Mom doesn't like the chemo treatments and after effects, she knows their purpose, accepts what comes - but she also knows that this too shall pass and she'll be back on the road to better health and living life again very soon. Her attitude has become infectious and is an inspiration to everyone who comes in contact with her.

After all, she's only got two more chemo treatments left and then she'll be done. We're all wondering what her hair will look like once it starts to come back in.

And then where the next part of her journey will lead.

Prom 2010

2010-05-09T16:54:00.004-05:00

My baby boy is growing up so fast.

Last night was his junior prom. Fortunately he had a really good time, but it almost was an absolute disaster.

During his choir trip to Chicago, he and another girl became friends - only friends but such that he asked her a few weeks later to go to prom with him. He had this really elaborate plan with which to ask her - so it was a good thing she said "yes".

At least I thought so at the time.

This past week, right before prom, his date backed out on him. She claimed to have gone with a friend the year before - only as friends - and that it had turned out rather disastrous. Her excuse was that she didn't want to repeat the same mistake. Personally, I think someone else asked her and she really wanted to go with him.

Only problem - she'd already said yes. Plus we're talking my son, who is not some whack-job waiting to get a girl alone on prom night. At least that isn't the way he was raised. My son and I were up Friday night until almost midnight talking about it all. But he was going to go ahead and go and walk the red carpet alone.

I went to bed Friday night completely broken hearted. You can mess with me all day long, but you mess with my son and I will NOT be held responsible for the ire your stupidity raises. I learned a long time ago that there is a raging momma bear inside me and would probably be capable of murder if you mess with my cub.

Or at least a severe roughing up and dressing down. Hopefully neither you nor I will ever have to find out.

Saturday morning he seemed better, but I stewed all day. Talked to a dear friend of mine later in the day about the situation. Her daughter graduated from the same high school a couple of years before and attends a local college. She piped up that she'd go with him if he wanted. That was the needed lift to my son's ego. What high school junior wouldn't love to escort an "older" woman to his high school prom?

I think I was even more excited for him than he was. Needless to say, he created a bit of a fuss with a hot (but so sweet) woman on his arm last night. Several people remembered her from a few years before and couldn't believe that she was with my son.

Right now I'm so proud of both of them - she for giving up an evening for a wounded young man, and he for accepting the offered olive leaf of friendship that was the salve he needed at just the right time.

Needless to say he had a crowd of guys talking to him at church today. Imagine there may be a few more come Monday morning.

How he handles the accolades will go a long way in teaching him what it means to be a true gentleman.

Descriptive Titles and Odd Writings

2010-04-18T21:23:00.004-05:00

It's so odd.

This afternoon I spent some time looking at a few of my old blog posts, trying to remember what life was like before Mom's cancer and imagining what life will be once she's through this. What will the new "normal" be? It was a shock to realize that as of yesterday's posting, I've only had six total posts for all of 2010.

I used to post six times in one week!

Feeling terribly nostalgic about my writing tonight.

Part of it probably is because we had an old friend come to town this weekend, and our critique group members met with him for an early dinner Saturday evening. What fun! He asked if I'd been writing and got onto me when I told him no. But with having to prove myself all over again in a new position with a new firm, then my mom's diagnosis, my grandmother's death, and having no time much to even spend with my son, where was I going to dig up a few hours a night to do some writing?

But he's right. Digging into characters and bringing them to life on the pages of a good story idea gives my life such spark and energy - something I've been sorely lacking for about eight months now.

For the last three months, I've even given thought to writing a book about my mother's cancer journey. However, it's all been so fresh and raw of late and my mind has been engaged with just helping somehow to get her through each week that I don't know if I have it in me to wrap my mind around it enough to craft something interesting of it all right now.

Perhaps sometime down the road. Maybe a title like "When It Rains It Pours" or "Riding the Raging River Over the Torrential Waterfall Without a Paddle" (okay, maybe that one is a little too long, but VERY descriptive and rather appropriate too)...or maybe "Cancer - a Daughter's Journey Alongside Her Mother".

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Life's Joys and Sorrows

2010-04-17T21:42:00.006-05:00

My fellow readers - it has been too long. Glad to be getting back into the writing saddle, though I must admit I'm still not sure how regular I'll be.

Mom had her surgery the 27th of January. I was blessed to be able to spend the entire week with her to assist with recovery efforts. She's now in the full throes of chemo, has lost her hair, and after this third treatment recently is experiencing the fatigue we've only read about in other venues. Never thought I'd be so well versed in breast cancer and its various treatment regimens. Not sure I like being so, but I know it helps Mom with facing the unfaceable.

But life goes on and in a matter of months we'll have this phase behind her.

My son is nearing the end of his junior year in high school and decided that he was going to go to prom. I was thrilled to hear of it - he even asked a friend to go as his date and she accepted. For the last two weeks I've been bugging him to check with her on the color of her dress. Guys just don't understand that concept but I'm trying to give him little insights into the female psyche if he'll just pay attention.

So glory be, he asked her the color on Friday, just in time for his tux measurements and ordering today. He's going to be wearing this really neat style of tux with a black shirt and turquoise vest and tie. Pretty studly if you ask me - but then again, I'm only mom and he doesn't really ask me for that kind of input.

But as mom I offer it anyway. It's my prerogative (hey, isn't that a song?).

I also asked him if he thought they might enjoy my chauffeuring them to the red carpet in the RX.

What's that, you ask? Oh yes, that's right. With everything that's been going on of late I've never shared with you my Christmas present to myself.

Christmas Eve 2009, during the biggest snowstorm of the year, I bought myself a big bad new car.

Well it's not big but it sure is bad - velocity red, six-speed, suicide doors 2009 Mazda RX-8! That twin-rotor motor purrs more the harder you push the revs. We're talking it doesn't redline until 9,000 rpm's. Such a blast to drive! Just wish I had somewhere I could go and open her up full throttle without worrying about getting picked up by a policeman.

Hey, the insurance on the thing is bad enough already - certainly don't need to increase it with a ticket on my record. But I just can't help myself sometimes by pushing the envelope a little bit. Sure makes the drive to and from work alot of fun these days. With the driving back and forth to Oklahoma I've already racked up over nine thousand miles. I'd say she's just about broke-in.

So now my son has the old Protege to drive to and from school and pick up his date for prom. Feels a little weird at times, knowing my son is old enough to drive, not to mention date. Ugh!

But growing up is a part of life. I'm so glad he's participating in it and all the joys it can bring.

And sorrows - but joy comes once again in the morning. It'll come again for you too, Momma, and we can celebrate that time with you.

Shrinking View

2010-02-15T18:07:00.007-06:00

My worldview has shrunk greatly in the past month. At this moment in my life everything revolves around my mom.

After the initial shock of the cancer diagnosis and then my grandmother's death wore off, my mind immediately shifted into Mom focus. I doubt if that will let up for some time yet.

My gracious boss once again showed her true colors. Once the mastectomy was scheduled, I was allowed to buy ahead on my vacation time (even though I've not been there quite six months) and was able to spend an entire week with my mother, helping her recuperate. After arriving back home on a Wednesday night, we turned around and headed back Friday evening for Super Bowl weekend.

That initial Wednesday parting was enormously difficult after spending a whole week caring for my mother. I held it all together until driving down the block and turning the corner. Before I even hit the next stoplight, the tears were falling uncontrollably.

It's times like these I wish I lived closer to my parents.

Hard as it felt, this weekend we stayed home. My son had a school dance Friday night and then ended up having friends around pretty much all weekend. But Mom hasn't been far from my mind.

Tomorrow night after work, I'll once again hit the road to head to Oklahoma. Mom has her first oncology visit Wednesday and I want to be there for that too. Chemo is looming on the horizon and none of us are looking forward to seeing her have to go through that. But eventually this too shall pass.

There are no guarantees in life, but I love my mother dearly and hope to keep her around for as long as possible. Eventually life will resume and get back to normal. I'm sure my son will keep me just as busy for the next year, as he's approaching senior-hood.

But for now little else matters. It's Mom who deserves my focus. And that's as it should be.

Good News From Oklahoma

2010-02-01T22:01:00.003-06:00

Well more good news to report today down here near red, clay soil territory.

Mom got the first of two drains removed today. She's much more comfortable now, and the way the other drain is looking, she should have it out before the end of the week if all goes well.

Plus (and this is the really good news) - while we were at the doctor's office, pathology faxed in the final report of the lymph nodes. After all the blood tests, scans, biopsies, and lab work we finally have the absolute, 100% all-clear on the lymph nodes.

Mom is cancer free.

I'm almost too tired at this point to jump up and down, but we did a high-five when we received the news. It's the news we've been waiting to hear now for so many weeks. The first scan came back clear and we tentatively celebrated. The sentinel node biopsy came back clear, and we tentatively celebrated.

Now the final pathology lab report is in and we can really celebrate now that there is no microscopic presence of that foul "C" word.

I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep soundly tonight.

Blogging From Oklahoma

2010-01-31T22:32:00.003-06:00

I'm here at Mom and Dad's in Oklahoma this Sunday night.

Mom had her mastectomy on Wednesday afternoon. The waiting room was really full with many families represented and her surgery was pushed back several hours. But once she was taken back for surgery, I think our family group was the only one who received regular updates directly from the operating room. What a blessing to be kept in the loop during those long hours!

Her doctor has been so conscientious all along and surgical day was no exception.

He even made a point of having the nurse call us the moment they had the results of the sentinel node biopsy - all clear. I was so excited by that call that everyone was telling me I was almost yelling into the phone when I started calling other family members. Sorry - couldn't help being thrilled by such wonderful news in the midst of difficult circumstances.

After surgery, Mom went into post-op recovery which was supposed to last from 45 minutes to an hour.

We waited.

And waited.

Time seemed to slow as the hours dragged on. That was the only time throughout the entire day that I lost that sense of peace momentarily. Just wanted to see Mom and know that she'd come through it all okay.

Because of nausea and a blood sugar spike we were kept apart for three more hours. Finally around 8:00 that evening we were notified that she was assigned a room and being prepped to come down the hallway. I waited by the doors at the end of the hall until I heard the wheels of the bed hit the linoleum.

Her face was a glorious sight to behold.

Even though her eyes were still closed, I told her hi and that the nodes had come back clear. She responded with a groggy but thankful "good", as I knew that would be the first thing she'd want to know.

Tomorrow we should hear back on the post-surgical pathology report from microscopic testing of the node. It's just the final follow-up to ensure there is absolutely no possibility of any cancer still present in the body.

We are all praying it comes back clean too.

Then we'll decide where we go from here. So far so good, I have to say.

A Bitter New Year

2010-01-21T20:05:00.005-06:00

Can I be honest here?

Thus far, the New Year has been a real bite for my family. I'd love to use more colorful language here, but I've never used such language and wonder, why bother starting now?

Besides my dear mother's recent diagnosis of breast cancer, my grandmother (mom's mom) passed away last Friday morning. We had her services Tuesday.

For one thing I am thankful. When I went down last week to accompany my mother to her follow-up doctor's appointment and scans, we spent a few hours at the nursing home visiting Grandma. Even though she was virtually unresponsive most of our visit, I do believe she was able to hear us and tried to talk once. Two of my aunts were there to see to her care while my mother was occupied with her own health needs those days. I'm so glad they were there to be together during such difficult circumstances.

They even were able to stop by Mom and Dad's to celebrate with my mother her good news Wednesday evening. Just before five, the doctor's office received the scan results and immediately called my mother. The scans appeared clear - no cancer anywhere else in the body, not in the lymph nodes and not in the chest wall muscle. It's all appears to be contained in the breast tissue.

So I guess that's two things I'm thankful for.

Now it is a race to reach the 27th, when my mother's mastectomy surgery is scheduled. Everyday counts at this point - Mom really wants to get that cancer out of her body before there is any chance of it spreading further.

We're praying for a miracle - that can come directly from the Lord's hand or through the hands of a doctor. I want to keep my mother around for many years to come. Call me selfish if you want.

Then we'll see at the end of the year - maybe it won't end up so bad after all.

Unfamiliar Territory

2010-01-07T20:28:00.005-06:00

This week our family finds itself in unfamiliar territory.

My mother has aggressive breast cancer.

The entire idea has just been a huge shock to our family. There's not a hint of cancer anywhere in our family. My mother has been healthy and taken care of herself all of her life.

I guess there are times when you just can't explain the unexplainable.

Yesterday when I found out, I broke down and spent the evening crying my eyes out and worried sick about my dear mother. Today I have been in planning and preparation mode.

We already know she will have a mastectomy, but now the question is how invasive will it be and how extensive is the cancer. My gracious boss told me to do what I need to do and take care of my mother, so after we return home from our consolation visit this weekend I will be returning Tuesday to sit with her through the next doctor visit and then Wednesday the PET-CT and MRI scans. I will be meeting with their fairly new pastor to explain a few things and then set up post-operative care and meals arrangement with several ladies in their church.

I cannot bear the thought of my mother being alone during this time. Thanks to my boss and the wonderful company I'm blessed to be working for, I know she won't be.

And even in the midst of tragedy there's a breath of peace.

Feeling Far Away

2009-10-28T20:25:00.003-05:00

Feels like I'm never going to get back to critique group.

Since I started the new job, my personal life has taken a back seat. Figured we'd eventually get things settled back down to where I could get back involved in my personal pursuits again.

Now I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever happen.

Feeling a little sorry for myself and far removed from my writing. But at least I am thinking about it again. On my way home from work tonight, I had some scenes from one of my previously finished books pop into my head. Been thinking a little bit about the book I'd started working on before I miraculously got this job.

It'll come again - at least I sure hope it will.

Singing and writing are my soul - my passion. Haven't gotten to do a whole lot of either lately (except I did get to sing a small solo part with our choir this past Sunday).

My son is busy with life and living, which as he grows older and gets his own car someday will mean I'll have more time to myself again.

That means more writing.

Until then, I'll have to put up with this sense of distance - of missing my fellow wordsmiths.

Of feeling far away.

Reminiscing About Norma

2009-10-21T22:00:00.005-05:00

Had something pretty interesting happen this week.

A young lady from Kentucky is playing my part.

As I wrote this time last year, I tried out and made the leading female role in my church's production of the play "I'll Be Home For Christmas", set near the eve of Pearl Harbor and the United States' official entrance into World War II.

Apparently they're doing it somewhere in Kentucky this year too.

She was looking for information about the play/musical after landing the part of Norma, where she proceeded to stumble across my blog.

Imagine that! The Chatter's Block came up under a search engine - wow, I feel important now (or pretty, but that's another musical).

So for a couple of days we've been commenting back and forth through the blog about the role, some of the music, and background from what I remembered. It was so nice revisiting those memories. Initially we were looking at doing it again this year, but other important things have come up this year at our church - namely the Michael W. Smith concert that our choir is participating in.

But that's fodder for another blog entry.

I certainly hope she touches base after their production to let me know how she felt about the character. She just found out she'd landed the role and hasn't even read the script - goodness gracious! I hope she's a fast learner.

Just glad to be getting some traffic going on the blog again - even if it is my own.

Shopping, Soundtracks, and Sixty-six

2009-10-18T20:47:00.006-05:00

Christmas shopping has begun enormously, extremely, and terribly late this year in our little household. But because of the tardiness of my annual trek, I've been looking at Amazon for some ideas. I found something absolutely amazing.

The soundtrack to Band of Brothers.

Read the book - watched the HBO series on DVD that a friend of mine had. The one thing about the series that haunted me every time we watched an episode was the music. Incredible!

So call me stunned when I came across it on Amazon. It now sits comfortably on my wish list just waiting for Santa to bring it to me (okay, okay - so I'm Santa - I'm still getting it in my stocking!).

Looks like alot of my Christmas shopping will be through Amazon this year. At the moment, I barely have time to breathe, much less shop. Friday I had neither breakfast nor lunch and squeezed in a little dinner on my way home from work by going through a drive-thru (my son left on a weekend camping trip).

You'd think I'd be losing some weight with all the meals I've missed in the new job - but I digress.

So I've told my sisters (hint, hint AGAIN if you're reading this) that I'll be doing CD's and DVD's for the nieces and nephews this year. Really anything that I can find through Amazon because I don't see myself getting out into the stores anytime soon. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just think of all the dollars I'll be saving by not driving around and burning up gasoline. Plus on Amazon you get free shipping.

What more could a girl ask for - ah, one of my two favorite four-letter words - FREE!

Anything right now to make the shopping process a little easier. Now if only I could get my son to start making his list and checking it twice. Sixty-six more shopping days left!

How's your Christmas list?

Life Happens

2009-10-14T21:25:00.004-05:00

Ah life - it has its moments.

The last two weeks I've been running around like a chicken on steroids. Been very busy and crazy, but I'm staying with it just fine.

Last week one of my employees was on vacation, so I put in an enormous number of extra hours. Then I am already serving on two committees with the new company and trying to get things up and running with the upcoming holidays within my own team.

Last night my son had his big huge opening concert and fundraiser. Quite a smash! There's some great talent this year, and I'm not just meaning my son.

But I went straight from the office to the school. Got home just after nine last night, but it was very satisfying.

Tonight we had our opening rally for a new product promotion. Went straight from the office to help with set-up and serving and games/activities. Got home just after eight-thirty.

Friday the promotion kicks off.

I'll just be glad to have an evening home tomorrow night. :-)

So I arrive home this evening to a quiet house, devoid of my son but full of two begging kitties vying for my attention. He went to church with a friend of his and they usually run out to the neighborhood Dairy Queen right afterward to hang.

It's kinda nice for me to have a little time to myself to unwind.

Wait - I think I hear him now. Life is back!

Time To Settle In

2009-10-10T21:35:00.005-05:00

Ah - it feels as if things might finally be settling in.

Besides the cold weather outside.

This morning I awoke feeling refreshed and energetic for the first time since starting my new job. There's always so much to deal with in a new job with a new company, and I knew it would take some time. I'd even warned my son when I started the new job that I'd probably be somewhat out of commission for the first two months.

Ha!

I made it in less time.

At least one week less, but who's counting?

Years ago I settled on the practical side of reality. I've learned my limitations, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to push the envelope. Along with the joys and excitement of starting anything new and out of the ordinary, there's always going to be a period of adjustment. Even though I expected it doesn't mean I enjoyed it.

But this week I finally felt myself step across the threshold to embrace the confidence of the new position.

Think I'm going to make it.

No - I know I'm going to make it. I've never been one to do anything halfway. So now that the job is beginning to smooth out, I'm excited to once again embrace my wonderful friends who have so patiently been waiting in the wings, cheering me on to success.

And that includes you too, my dear and patient readers.

Now it's time to settle back into my writing. Look out, blogging world - I'm back!

Stress and Trials (and Bears, Oh My)

2009-10-04T21:56:00.004-05:00

Ah my fellow travelers - how I've missed turning the pages of a good yarn with you.

Life has been rather chaotic these last six weeks, what with the new job, my son starting his junior year of high school, etc.

He's been enormously busy with his choir group already. Our small town has an annual fall festival to celebrate our history and to just have some fun. The group sang at the festival on Thursday night. Then Friday they spent all day at an area university for their district choir workshops. Next week they will be having their annual fundraiser dinner and concert.

After that I don't remember.

New beginnings are always quite busy and a tad stressful. I'm seeing that my son's junior year has been quite a blessing for him, regardless of how busy he is. It's good to see him sacrificing a little of himself to be a part of something greater.

For me, I find myself in a teeny bit of a quandary. My old boss has given me some news that may or may not pan out. I've let him know that I'd be open to keeping in touch should things take a turn for the positive in that regard.

Not that I don't enjoy my new job - most of the people have been wonderful to work with and I've felt such a sense of camaraderie already with the majority of my team. The idea of leaving them is difficult to deal with at times. Maybe that won't happen.

But I really miss this group I worked with for more than ten years. We were more like a family in so many ways. I know I could get to that point again with this new company, but I don't know if I still possess the drive I once had to prove myself all over again. Forgotten what it's like and how much stress that entails.

Plus I ain't gettin' any younger.

Then again, I also miss writing and sharing in my blog. Funny how our priorities shift as we age, isn't it?

Back To Blogging Business

2009-09-06T21:06:00.003-05:00

I've been remiss these last several weeks. Sure do miss my daily blog postings.

The job is going well, but it sure has taken it out of me so that by the time I get home from work I'm completely spent. There's no brain power left for putting together a coherent thought, much less putting together a coherent blog post. It'd probably sound like something from Dr. Seuss mixed with a layer of Larry the Cable Guy.

The learning curve is sure taking alot of energy, but eventually I'll get settled into it where I won't need to stress so much and spend so much extra time on the job - at least that is my goal. I believe very much in the importance of work/life balance.

Still looking for it these last several weeks.

In order to maintain good job function, one must have a good personal support system in place. There needs to be time allotted for family, friends, and the occasional hobby for the pure enjoyment of fun. The three F's are a necessity to satisfy the F of function in the workplace.

Otherwise life gets out of kilter - when that happens life falters like the Tower of Pisa. Eventually it will all come crashing down no matter how hard you try to prop it up.

Long ago I learned this the hard way. Now I'm rather stubborn when it comes to some time for me and my son. When I come home, the work cell is turned off. On the weekend, it comes out of my purse and sits on the shelf until Monday morning comes back around.

Or in this case - Tuesday. Don't you just love Labor Day?

I sure do - it's allowed me a little extra time to get in a good blog posting. May there be many more to come in the following weeks.

Feeling Nostalgic

2009-08-30T21:33:00.003-05:00

Two weeks down on the new job and another week to start tomorrow.

To be honest, there are some things I miss about being at home. This summer was the first I ever had with my son since he was born. No job pulling me away from him, but no money either to do anything much. It's funny what you can do without, though, when you enjoy merely spending time together.

I miss the opportunity for a few lazy mornings, that sense of feeling fully alive and rested after a good and full night's sleep. I miss having time to spend a day immersing myself in reading a good book. Then there's the time to write - haven't done any for about a month.

But after my son, the thing I miss the most is having time for my friends. By the time I get home from the office, I am slamming together dinner and getting it in our tummies. Before I know it, the bed is calling. I barely have time for a few hours with my son, much less talking to my friends.

The job is going well so far. It's getting back out and around the public and I'm enjoying getting to know my team. But I am feeling rather nostalgic for time to just be. The stress of learning the ropes will eventually pass and we'll get back into a new routine.

But I really enjoyed my seven months of being a stay-at-home mother for the very first time. As they say, all good things must come to an end.

They make way for new ones too.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2009-08-22T21:38:00.003-05:00

The end of a busy, busy, busy week.

The new job is going really well in many ways, but I do admit that I am absolutely spent at the end of each day. However, I'm so pleased to see the reception that my team has given to me. They really seem to be excited to have me coming to the helm and leading the way. What more could I ask for?

See, I'm a big believer in leadership not management. Though I carry a management title, it is the inspiration, positive motivation and leading by example that I believe in - not titles. There's been many a hated manager in all walks of life, but leaders are generally loved and followed by those who believe in the message and example lived before them.

Now it's just a matter of filling my brain with as much information as it can possibly handle each day (and then some). Believe it or not, by Friday there was finally some solidification beginning to happen. I'll be so glad to really get my feet back underneath me and start moving forward with the plan for my team. My confidence has been on quite the roller coaster this week as I try to soak up as much of the most basic of tasks as well as the important ones.

If I expect my team to accomplish menial tasks, then I better the heck know how to do them too. It also helps if I'm the one training new people who will come in under my wing eventually.

Mom and Dad came up this weekend to hear all the interesting stories first hand. They've been wonderfully understanding of my need to just veg a little bit.

'Cause a new week will soon be breathing down my neck. Gotta make a little room in my brain to soak up another great week of busy, busy, busy.

The New Kid

2009-08-17T21:36:00.003-05:00

First day of the new job completed.

Boy, am I tired! The last few days I haven't slept good because of excitement and a little bit of nerves. It's always a little discombobulating being the new kid on the block.

The day was quite a blur, but I did manage to establish some good rapport with several fellow managers. I'll need to lean on them a bit during the learning phase as I get my feet underneath me.

I did get a chance to meet the employees who will be under my care and so far I'm pleased with the reception. Have a feeling that once we all have an opportunity to mesh that we will work well together and enjoy each other's company - at least that's my hope and prayer.

So during this new phase in my life, I have to admit that postings may be a little more sporadic than what's been typical of me. Once things get settled I'll hopefully be back to my crazy writing self.

In the meantime, I'll keep trying to let you all know how things are going in my small neck of the woods. Keep coming back now, ya hear?

Monday's A Comin'

2009-08-14T14:51:00.002-05:00

We're going to be leaving town for a little overnight jaunt shortly, so I'll probably not be posting tomorrow. So much going on this weekend and then starting my new job Monday.

I can hardly wait to share Monday's experiences with you all - heck, I can hardly wait for Monday to get here.

I'm so excited!

Whoa - what's the matter with me?

The Storm Before the Calm

2009-08-13T21:42:00.004-05:00

This week we've had a flurry of activity.

Since I'm starting the new job next week, I've been trying to squeeze in appointments and excursions as much as humanly possible. So with dentists, doctors, car maintenance, hair cuts, and whatever else we can squeeze into one week, it's been a little nuts.

So call me surprised when my son springs on me the desire to have his annual back-to-school party tonight. Since we're also going to try and squeeze in a quick run down to Oklahoma to see my niece and great-niece coming in from Arkansas, tonight was the only available evening for him to have this fling.

The gang of five began to arrive around four-thirty today. I'd just returned from filling out all my new hire and benefits enrollment forms to face running to pick up soda and snacks and order three large pizzas.

Good thing Pizza Hut was running a special!

Since this is his annual tradition, I'd never deny him this end-of-summer ritual. But I'll be kinda glad to see the weekend end and Monday to roll around. Then I'll start my new job and he'll start school the end of next week.

Sometimes schedules can be a blessed thing. It keeps the crazy desire for sudden activities in check. Feels like the storm before the calm.

In Shoe Heaven

2009-08-12T21:59:00.005-05:00

Talked about shoes earlier this week in my post. Guess I've got shoes on the brain - tee hee!

Not surprising. The past week I've been hunting down bargains and finding absolute steals. My wardrobe needs boosts in major ways before I can start the new job, particularly in the shoe category.

For years now I've been desirous of taking myself out on a shopping spree. It's been countless years since I've allowed myself that guilty pleasure. First we were saving for the new house and the furniture, not to mention trying to keep my son in clothes and shoes of his own. Then the Europe trip popped up on the radar.

Then before I could recover from the multiple shocks to the savings account, our office was closed and the gang and I were laid off.

So much for a shopping spree.

From the moment my son received notification of his Europe travels, I planned to take money out of savings and treat myself while he was gone. Then the layoff. Never imagined I'd be out of work so long. Figured I'd have a job again before June rolled around and my son skipped out on a plane.

Nope - didn't happen. My hoped for shopping spree was called off indefinitely.

So now that I'm going to be employed again and in the public eye, I needed to update my professional appearance. Found some great bargains on beautiful jackets and slacks and even a few dresses. But the thing I've had the most fun with have been the shoes.

Typically I've had one or two pair of black heels (one for dresses and one for slacks), a pair of navy heels, a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of sandals, and a pair of boots. Last year I bought a little pair of red flats, but there's not a whole lot of things I can appropriately wear them with.

Not the case any longer. I've hit the bargain mother-lode in the shoe department!

Got a pair of taupe heels for $5 at Famous Footwear and a pair of tan sandals at Kohl's for $10 (not to mention the adorable purple patent Vera Wang sling-backs for $16). Picked up gorgeous black and floral for $20, a pair of black and brown Bini's at Dillard's for $24, and cream eel-skin Ralph Lauren heels for $28. Found a lovely pair of red heels at Penney's, but didn't get quite the bargain on them as the others, but they were still on sale and I had a $10-off coupon to go with it so they were still a great price for in-season. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm set for some time to come.

I almost feel guilty for having so many pairs now, but believe me - I will use each and every one of these in my new job. I've not allowed myself such shoe expenditures since I worked in a retail clothing and shoe establishment before I was even married. That, my friends, was a looooong time ago.

So even though my closet is becoming a shoe haven, I didn't spend a whole lot in the overall scheme of things.

That's where the rubber meets my checkbook - in regard to shoes at least.

The Shoes Can Pinch

2009-08-10T22:19:00.003-05:00

Here I am on the cusp of starting a new job, trading the unemployment shoes for the stilettos. For some reason, my excitement seems to be waning.

The job still excites me. It's going to be fast-paced and freedom loving in that I'll be responsible for the entire office and for running down business instead of being tied to a desk. This is the chance I've dreamed of for many years.

There's just one small problem - I wish so badly that I could offer jobs to all of my friends who remain out of work.

There are so many I know who have been laid-off and out of work for as many months as I. My church choir is back this Wednesday after six weeks off, but the loft is full of the unemployed. It almost makes me feel guilty to share my good news.

My son's best buddy - his dad has been out of work for almost four months with nary a nibble and their family is about two months away from exhausting their savings and being forced to sell their home. They only have seven years left to pay on it, but with no income they couldn't qualify for a loan to extend the term and lower their monthly outflow. They're now looking outside the state for employment opportunities.

Don't get me wrong - I'm so very thankful to be once again on the threshold of the gainfully employed, and just at the right time. God came through for us once again. But it's sure hard to get excited when so many have a hard time hearing my good news.

I almost feel bad saying anything to anyone, as if they might get the mistaken impression that I'm rubbing it in their faces.

Couldn't be further from the truth.

I'm finding it best to temper my enthusiasm with compassion and understanding. After all, I want God to get the glory for His masterful work in our lives.

However, I also want to be sensitive to those who are hurting and in dire circumstances. I was in their shoes until mere days ago.

And sometimes those shoes pinch while you're in them.

Holding Onto Family

2009-08-08T22:13:00.003-05:00

Had a great evening tonight. We were invited to have dinner with a former co-worker and her husband at their new house and so they could see my son's pics from Europe.

It was interesting to reminisce about how my son was in kindergarten when I first started working with them. Sometimes he would come to the office with me when I had to take him to VBS or something and then he'd spend the afternoon drawing or reading after I picked him up. The whole gang got to watch him grow up.

So they were just about as excited for him as I was when he had this Europe opportunity pop up on the radar.

You know, I'll really miss working with the gang. Life must go on, but this is a group of people with whom I will strive to stay in contact. We went through alot together over the years and saw highs and lows in our personal lives. We felt like a family in many ways, and that's something you don't find very often.

I'm hoping that once again I will be blessed to add a new family unit into my life. But for the record, I plan to hold onto this one too.

The Next Great Adventure

2009-08-07T21:54:00.004-05:00

The last two weeks have been a veritable whirlwind.

I finally have a job!

It's not formal yet - she discussed it with me over the phone and now she's putting together the written offer to present to me on Monday. Then she'll conduct the background check and send me for a drug test next week. If all goes well (and there's no reason it wouldn't) then I will begin my new job on the 17th.

Isn't God's timing amazing? This morning I arrived home from the fourth and final interview - this time with their HR manager - to find a letter from the unemployment center in my mailbox. The purpose was to let me know that next week is my final week to receive the standard round of unemployment compensation.

So pleased that I'm not going to need it. Once again, the Lord has shown me that He's in perfect control over everything. I just need to do what I can do and leave it all in His hands - something I'm not all that great at, but each situation gives me more opportunity to learn.

Don't you find it neat that just as my unemployment is about to run out, I suddenly receive a flurry of interest and activity from months of putting my resume out there? Don't you find it so cool that I've had an entire summer to spend with my son - the first in his whole life - and will begin the new job the same week he begins his junior year of high school?

I do!

I can't tell you the number of huge and tiny but wonderful blessings God has allowed me to see and experience along this particular journey. Every day I've tried really hard to focus on the good things that have happened through all of this (some days not as good as others) and to thank Him for what He's been doing behind the scenes.

That makes me even more grateful to all of you who have been lifting us up behind the scenes too. Because of you - my family and friends - you've been an integral part in what God has been doing in our lives and I want to shout out a huge THANK YOU. Each one of you are so appreciated.

Thank you for being such an important part of our lives. Now on to the next great adventure!

Go-go Garage Sale

2009-08-06T21:35:00.005-05:00

Well today ended up being a busy day.

My best friend called last night and asked if I'd be able to help her out with her back-to-school garage sale today. She invited me to put some things into the sale, but I'd gotten rid of so much stuff almost two years ago when I bought my new home that all I had left was pretty much clothes.

And clothes don't typically sell well in garage sales, in my limited experience.

Before the move, I'd taken a load of things to Goodwill - cookware, dishes, unmatched bookshelves, paintings, etc. If I'd have had them in this garage sale, they'd have probably been hot items.

But all I had were a few old suits that no longer fit, some slacks, and a few blouses - nice things, but nothing of any significance. Last night I chucked them in bags in case I decided to mess with them this morning.

I almost left them home because I was running late. Boy, I'm sure glad I ended up taking them with me.

When I arrived, she already had quite a crowd going so my bags stayed put in the car. Then at the first lull, I decided to go ahead and just put them out to see if anything happened.

I'd just started hanging up a few things when several ladies came by, saw them and snatched them up. For sake of time, I just dumped the remaining bags in my chair and told them to have at the pile. It was a feeding frenzy!

So I left this evening with cash in my pocket and only a few items left from what would have been just dropped off at Goodwill. Couldn't believe my luck and how well everything sold.

Maybe we'll just have to do this again next year.

The Gossip Train

2009-08-04T21:33:00.007-05:00

Just finished watching an interesting movie this evening called "Gossip". Pretty telling.

It's about a woman who goes back to her hometown while she's in the midst of her divorce. She's not been back home much in the years since she'd left because she got so sick of the small town gossip train. Once she shows back up, the gossip gets juicier and juicier until it spins out of control and threatens to really destroy some lives unnecessarily.

Being from a small town myself, I felt rather a close tie to this character. I still remember my mother receiving calls from unidentified people telling her things about us that weren't true or skewed to make it sound as if we were getting into trouble when it was all completely innocent. If only they'd had caller ID back then.

I'll never forget the one time my mother took all three of us girls to a local clothing store to try and support our hometown with back-to-school shopping. This store had some really nice and stylish clothes and was throwing a terrific sale. We all had our budgets to adhere to, but just imagine - three teenaged girls in a clothing store tailored to girls.

Needless to say, there was quite a pile of clothes on the small counter when all three of us were ready to checkout. My poor mother was so humiliated by the idiotic crowd that had gathered around the register to see what the total ended up being, even though the sweet owner was trying to be discreet. People actually were leaning over my mother's shoulder trying to see what she wrote the check out for.

My father had stayed down at the family restaurant while we were all out shopping. Someone went straight to him and asked him if he knew where his girls were (and of course, he did) and all the hubbub we'd caused at the store. I think he even found out about the total before we even got down there to show him our new clothes.

Never again did we shop in that store after the circus that trip generated. Sad to say it, but I've rarely been back to that town after leaving it except to visit my folks while they still lived there. They no longer do and I'm rather glad. Sometimes it isn't so great being notorious.

Small towns have alot to offer in many ways, but I wouldn't want the meddling busy-bodies ever again. Watching the movie tonight seemed rather painful to remember what some of those days felt like.

But it was just a movie after all.

The Trap Is Set

2009-08-01T10:23:00.004-05:00

This week I've been sorely remiss in posting even though I've been home here and there. Well I think I have a pretty good excuse.

There's been some major job interview activity!

Monday morning I received a telephone call which resulted in a solid phone interview. There was an almost immediately rapport with the interviewer. She then asked if I would be available this week for an in-person interview. We set that up for Wednesday afternoon.

So I then popped an email to my hairdresser. It's been many months since I had the care of her services, so she squeezed me in at 7:30 Wednesday morning. What a sweetie!

So I went to my Wednesday afternoon interview feeling confident and perky with a spring in my step. We hit it off nicely, spending well over an hour and ahalf discussing my varied experience along with a tidbit of what the position entailed. Then she picked up the phone and called a gentleman to see about his availability for round two.

My second interview was yesterday morning. During the night, I woke up at 4:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. I prayed that I'd at least be halfway coherent for the interview and made sure to drink plenty of coffee (but not too much). Even though the interview started off a little slow, it progressed until I felt we were both on the same page. He gave me some positive signals and I left there feeling extremely enthusiastic, not only about my chances but about the job in general. Very exciting.

I know there'll be a process, but I sure hope sometime in the next week or so I receive an offer. The trap is set, merely waiting for the right moment.

And I thought this would be a ho-hum week with my son gone. Little did I realize...

Reflecting

2009-07-28T22:20:00.004-05:00

Tonight I find myself reflecting back on a summer almost gone.

This week my son is visiting his dad down in Oklahoma. The first of the summer I had a ton of days to myself while he was busy preparing and then going to Europe. Now I'm with another nine days all to myself while he's visiting his dad. He'll return and then it's prep for a new school year.

Wow!

I've also seen my relationship with my son take a new turn - a really positive one. The Europe trip allowed him to see that he's more than capable of taking care of himself. He feels more confident in his capacity and comfortable in his own skin, and it shows in everything. Now I find myself at a crossroads in this new relationship.

It is very important to me to allow him this space to continue down the road toward manhood. Problem has been that so much of my life has been devoted to raising him, but now I have a chance to begin the process of considering what I will do post child-rearing.

Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the opportunity in many ways. For the first time in nearly seventeen years I have a chance to consider some of the things I've wished to do - things I've put on hold. Trips I may wish to take just for the pure enjoyment of it.

And without my son along for the ride.

I know it scares alot of people when the kids begin to leave the nest. There will be moments that it feels a little scary to me, but this is what I've worked and sacrificed for all these years. The time has come to see the payoff. How could I not be happy that this day is rapidly approaching?

That means my son will be off in the great big world, forging his own path, and my job will be complete - for the most part anyway.

Now all I need to do is start figuring out where I'll want to go first. I've a pretty good idea of where that will be. :-)

Going Mental

2009-07-27T21:49:00.007-05:00

Taking Saturday for a mental health day must have been a good thing. A really good thing.

I have a job interview.

Yes, even though the pickings are slim I've received another call for an interview. This is with a firm here in my hometown that is growth minded and yet still a small enough institution in which to have some influence and just plain fun.

After all, I love to be a part of making things happen.

Which is part of the issue in dealing with the big boys. Don't get me wrong - each player has it's piece in the puzzle. But for me, I prefer to be able to immerse myself up to my waist and slog it out with the best of the forward thinkers.

Which is probably why I love watching Deadliest Catch. I'd go out on a crab boat anyday if ever given the chance. Probably puke my guts up and be scared half out of my mind, but hey - what an adventure in which to do it. If you're going to die, why not go out in such a setting?

But getting back to the daily dose - I'm just really excited about the possibilities of being a part of such an institution. Whether I personally make a mark or assist in someone else being able to make theirs, slogging it out with the best is what makes it all worthwhile. All I want is a chance to prove myself.

And I still want to go crab fishing in the Bering Sea someday. Yeah, I know - then I'll really be mental.

Mental Health Day

2009-07-25T21:50:00.005-05:00

Today I decided to take a mental health day.

My son is gone for a week to visit his father. He's become the traveling teenager lately.

So I find myself home with few chores needing accomplished. The house is pretty much in order and the laundry had to be completed before my son left. That gave me a Saturday all to myself just to relax.

I've taken full advantage of it.

Spent some time emailing and talking on the phone with friends - yes, some of those friends I've recently come back into contact with from my high school days. The day allowed for two workouts (hey, a girl's gotta try and stay somewhat in shape at my age), a smack of time playing a game on the computer, a little dose of reruns of Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel, and some wonderful hours of reading.

In my younger years, I could devour a book in a matter of hours and the massive books I could spend reading most of the day. Those times were always so nice and have been rather fleeting or nonexistent most of my adult life.

So today no job searching, no chores, no errands to run - just pure unadulterated relaxation.

We all could use a bit of that now and then. I'm learning how important it is to one's well-being and plan to take advantage of it a little this week before my son's return and the rush of back-to-school preparation.

Then it will be back to chaos for another school year. Then hopefully a direction for me too.

But I've enjoyed my summer off. :-)

High School Memories

2009-07-24T20:16:00.004-05:00

Not sure what the deal is this week, but I've seen a flurry of old friends from high school cross my Facebook page. It's been wonderful to catch up with a few of those old friends and reminisce about life back then and where life has taken us all since.

Some experiences were hard. Some great, and some not so great. But each thread of experience has woven us all into the person we've become today. We're probably all better for it in many ways, though life would have been easier if we'd made some better choices earlier on.

The good thing about catching up is being reminded of all the tidbits of fun and orneriness (but in a good way) we used to get into. There's so much I'd forgotten. My later high school years had some very difficult and unpleasant experiences associated with them. Therefore, I waited only to get away as soon as I could and throw the terrible memories into the dung-heap.

Only problem is that when we throw aside the bad memories, the good ones go right along with them.

So now that I'm being reminded of all the fun and absolutely hilarious memories of the past, it gives me so many warm feelings on which to hang my hat.

I think I'll let those stay awhile.

Collection Complete

2009-07-22T13:42:00.005-05:00

My son's Europe collection is now complete and he can bid a fond farewell to the experience.

His final sword just arrived.

This one is much more elegant and detailed than the Lionheart sword. It is another heavy weapon, but came with its own wall plaque.

Thank God it also came with its own mounts and brackets. Another wall in his man cave is going to hate me very soon.

This one is a Robin of Locksley weapon (also known as the Earl of Huntington - better known as Robin Hood) and sports a pretty red crystal embedded in the pommel. The blade is etched with elegant runes and the hilt is decorated with two eagles' heads. It's a lovely specimen. No wonder it cost a bit more than the first.

The store also included a large brochure (in German, of course) that included examples of many other swords, specifically swords of kaisers and those of historic German nobility. My son visually devoured it and found several additional swords that hadn't been on display when he'd been in the shop. He's already making a mental list of those he'd like to have, though he wants to wait until he goes back (if he chooses to do so) because the group received nice discounts for purchasing in the local stores. How considerate of him. Hmmm...

Just a glance at the website reveals that they received some very good discounts indeed. He did good.

Now if he decides to return in two years...

Weapons of the World

2009-07-21T22:29:00.006-05:00

Speaking of weaponry and my son's love of swords last night reminded me that I promised to post pictures from the weapons cache in the Louvre during my son's visit to Paris. He took some great pictures of Greek and Roman helmets, breastplates, and swords. There's even a pic of a couple of dueling pistols and full-body armor, but I'm not sure from what era. This was where he was in his element.

Slaying the Snowman and Other Sword Tales

2009-07-20T14:14:00.009-05:00

The deliveryman just came bearing a gift.

My son finally received one of his swords purchased in Rothenburg, Germany during his Europe travels.

Comparatively speaking, it's actually rather lightweight for as long as it is. The medallion at the cap of the handle sports the familiar symbol of Richard the Lionheart. It's a nice rendition of a medieval knights sword.

The sword quickly found its place on my son's sword rack in his man cave. It's a good thing the sword was a little lighter than some of the other ones because I don't know how much more weight the wall can hold. Now there are only two open slots left on the rack.

The remaining sword to arrive has a home ready for it unless it comes with a separate hanging plaque. Another wall in his man cave already sports Anduril from the Lord of the Rings, but it hangs on it's own plaque. Had to buy special mounts to screw into the wall before hanging it because THAT, my friends, is one heavy sword (not to mention the thing is loooong!). That poor wall would kill me if we tried to hang another sword on it.

Never realized my son's penchant for swordplay until he was four. I bought him a cute little plastic sword, with which he summarily slayed a snowman and broke the tip off into it. We finally found the tip when the snow melted, but that poor sword didn't last long no matter how much superglue we used. Then he received another larger plastic sword as part of a costume a few years later.

Then came fencing classes when he received his first "real" sword, an electronic rapier weapon. He's been collecting various swords ever since, including two from the Final Fantasy movie sitting on his bedroom dresser. Sometimes I forget about those.

Of course, I have a tendency to support his fascination when birthdays and Christmas come around. Fantasy is my favorite genre remember.

For now we'll await the next brave deliveryman to grace our doorway, once again bearing a gift from the Old World to the New.

Everything In Its Place

2009-07-18T21:52:00.005-05:00

Busy day, but it was so much fun!

Our friends came into town last night and we all got together today. Everyone ended up staying later than expected, but it seemed to be because we were having such a great time. The boys went straight to the man cave, went swimming, came back and filled their plates and went straight back to the man cave.

After all, it's what the man cave is for I guess.

I talked to one of my friends who spearheaded this thing once everyone left. She and I both agreed how much we all enjoy getting together. This is a group of people that we can just let our hair down with and be loud and obnoxious and laugh uproariously and still be friends at the end of the day.

No airs. No faces or hats. Just being who we really are and knowing we have a great time together.

That's what real friendship is all about.

It's why it hurts so bad that the one family moved away. Hey, but their coming into town is what gives us all a good reason to get together again.

We need to come up with more excuses to do that more often. Give me a little time and I'm sure I'll think of something. I've got this big house now and it's great for entertaining.

Even if it takes much longer to get in order for guests. Hey, they're all worth it!

Pavement in Heaven

2009-07-17T22:00:00.003-05:00

Today we've been pretty busy preparing for the arrival of guests tomorrow. We're having a get-together at our house to celebrate the brief visit of some dear friends. Their son was part of the gang of five with my son and their other friends until they moved away about five years ago with a job.

My goodness, has it been that long?

Anyway, they go visit family in Wisconsin every other year and so spend a couple of days here to reconnect with everyone on their journey north. It's always so nice to see them again, and also to see the boys all back together. They've all changed so much!

I will always regret one thing, however. Just before they moved to Texas, the mom and I had time to connect and develop a friendship. We'd do a girls night out or just hang at her house or my house picking up and dropping off when our boys would get together. Then the news of the move dropped like a bomb.

I was devastated.

It'd been several long years since I'd had a good friend, someone that I felt comfortable confiding in and whose husband wasn't secretly after me (long story). So the news seemed like a blow to my heart once again.

So I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to hesitate anymore in seeking out and developing close friendships. Early in my life, I recognized the need for realness in relationships, especially among trusted friends.

I'm blessed many times over in that regard once more, but I learned the lesson through many bumps and bruises. However, I'll take the bumps and bruises anyday rather than NOT risk friendship - before it's too late.

So my message to you tonight is to take a chance and work hard to develop friendships while the opportunity is there. In today's society we need them more than ever. They are worth the time invested. If you have hesitated before, make a vow right now to not waste another moment to obtain good, close friendships.

Relationships are worth their weight in gold. Remember, that's mere pavement in heaven.

Loving the Louvre

2009-07-16T22:44:00.008-05:00

There were so many pictures to choose from with my son's shots of the Louvre, but here's a small sampling for your viewing pleasure. Find enclosed a picture of the Mona Lisa - it's surprisingly small. He said there was so much ceiling art, but I'll only offer up a few choice pieces. His favorite part was the room with all the historic weaponry and Roman armor, but that will probably require another post. After tomorrow, I'll take a break from posting a bunch of pics and get back to more important matters. Like writing!

Cruising Through Paris

2009-07-14T22:19:00.007-05:00

I promise I'll get back to posting proper articles and stories again very soon. Here's a few pics of the Arc de Triomphe looking down Champs Elysees, the Paris bridges and a few sites they saw on their Seine River cruise while in France. Can you guess which one is known as the Napoleon Bridge? Ah Paris!

The City of Lights

2009-07-13T18:51:00.004-05:00

Well now that we’ve enjoyed some pictures of England, I figure it’s time to see the sights of Paris, the City of Lights. Once again, my son showed what a natural talent he has for photography. Someone even mentioned that the one of Sacre Coeur and one of the Eiffel Tower pics look like postcards. Nope, all were from my son’s camera (as my bank account groans from processing all 638 pics).

Pomp and Ceremony - English Style

2009-07-12T17:28:00.004-05:00

Normally I don't post on Sundays, but since there's still sooooo many pictures to go, I wanted to post one more time on their England leg of the journey. The pictures here are at Buckingham Palace during the changing of the guard. I didn't realize the pomp and ceremony for this event. They block off traffic and have a big parade every day as part of this ceremonial ritual. I wonder if any of the guys from the trip tried to make the guards smile.