Reflecting

Tonight I find myself reflecting back on a summer almost gone.

This week my son is visiting his dad down in Oklahoma. The first of the summer I had a ton of days to myself while he was busy preparing and then going to Europe. Now I'm with another nine days all to myself while he's visiting his dad. He'll return and then it's prep for a new school year.

Wow!

I've also seen my relationship with my son take a new turn - a really positive one. The Europe trip allowed him to see that he's more than capable of taking care of himself. He feels more confident in his capacity and comfortable in his own skin, and it shows in everything. Now I find myself at a crossroads in this new relationship.

It is very important to me to allow him this space to continue down the road toward manhood. Problem has been that so much of my life has been devoted to raising him, but now I have a chance to begin the process of considering what I will do post child-rearing.

Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the opportunity in many ways. For the first time in nearly seventeen years I have a chance to consider some of the things I've wished to do - things I've put on hold. Trips I may wish to take just for the pure enjoyment of it.

And without my son along for the ride.

I know it scares alot of people when the kids begin to leave the nest. There will be moments that it feels a little scary to me, but this is what I've worked and sacrificed for all these years. The time has come to see the payoff. How could I not be happy that this day is rapidly approaching?

That means my son will be off in the great big world, forging his own path, and my job will be complete - for the most part anyway.

Now all I need to do is start figuring out where I'll want to go first. I've a pretty good idea of where that will be. :-)

The Ship Has Sailed

Tonight was "Meet Your Teacher Night" for the start of school later this week.

We decided not to attend.

He's got the same locker with the same combination, alot of the same teachers, and the principal gives pretty much the same pep talk that they gave us every year of middle school. My son is nearly sixteen, for crying out loud. I think the "Meet Your Teacher" moments have sailed.

Does that make me a bad parent? Don't tell my mother and father.

My mother was a grade school teacher most of my growing-up years (until they bought the restaurant) and my father was my high school math instructor. Now he's teaching at the community college back in the area in which I grew up. I have aunts, uncles, cousins, and a brother-in-law that are in the teaching profession. Yes, I've heard all about the parents who don't give a rat's rear-end about their child's education.

Sometimes I think I've tried to be involved too much. I was helicopter mom during grade school after the bullying incidents. I went to all of the teacher's conferences during middle school. This summer I've learned how much my son has truly blossomed...and he's done it without me in tow.

So I'm thinking that now that he's a sophomore in high school that perhaps helicopter mom needs to back off (ya think?). Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to be in the front row at every single choir performance, help with regionals and state contests, and will likely bake a cookie, brownie or maybe both for forensics tournaments he'll be in second semester. He decided on that instead of speech.

But like I said - I think the teacher meeting ship has sailed.

And I'm no longer on board for the ride. That's my son's job now.

Off Into The Wild, Blue Yonder

Well they're gone, off into the wild, blue yonder.

My son just left on his big trip. I thought about going back to bed and getting a few more hours of sleep. Don't know why I thought that would be possible. A lot of hours flashed by on my clock during the night as I awoke frequently, fearful of not hearing my alarm and he missing their buses. That would have been a lot of anticipation and money down the drain.

We said our goodbyes here at home before going to the school. I didn't want to embarrass him, you know. His eyes held a teeny bit of apprehension, but the excitement greatly outweighed any fear. Suppose I'll hold onto it for him for the remainder of the week.

So while he's off galavanting across the greater Dallas area, I'll get some writing done and allow my mind to wander over the pages of my book. But first I think I'll try to go lay down for awhile again - my brain is starting to wander off.

It likes to go on trips too from time to time.

Another Milestone

My guts have turned into butterflies. My son leaves early tomorrow morning for his big school choir trip to Dallas. He's excited. I'm nervous. Not sure why. Wait a minute - I think I do.

It isn't that I don't think he can handle it. My son has traveled extensively with me when I go on business trips. He's been to Alaska, California, Colorado, Texas, D.C., etc., etc., etc., knows his way through navigating airports and baggage claim, and is rather adept at getting places with everything he needs and returning home with everything he took (and then some). No, I have a feeling he's going to be just fine in that regard. The problem seems to be all mine.

I have to let go of my need to control.

You see, I'm a planner by nature for more reasons than one. I've spent most of his life trying to protect him as much as possible from the chaos that seems to follow me. Experiences are a very important component of life, but when I'm the one planning the experiences I'm also the one who controls it to (hopefully) avoid the possibility of a bad experience. Just being able to be a kid is important, and I've tried to guard him from the worries and cares of life - he's faced more things in his short years than most adults do in a lifetime.

This trip is a milestone for both of us then. None of his buds are in the choir. He's rooming with guys I don't know. Someone else will be responsible for the well-being of my son. I want SO BADLY for this to be a positive and wonderful experience, but that is no longer up to me.

I thought about going as a sponsor when the trip was announced earlier this school year. Decided not to. We talked about it, and he's happy to be going on his own (i.e. without me). But he needs this. He needs to know that he can be responsible for himself. He needs to know that he can have a good time without old mother-dear holding his hand so he can cross the street (Disclaimer - I haven't done that in a long time, okay). He's going to do more than survive this trip; he's going to flourish!

I'll just be so glad to hear about it when he comes back home Sunday night. By then, he'll probably be too tired to talk about it.