Giving In Return

It sure feels wonderful to have the opportunity to give back to those who give so much of themselves.

My church participates and hosts an annual event every year for Shepherd's Fold Ministries. It's a ministry that ministers to ministers.

Confused yet?

A pastor of one of the churches in our community started an organization ten years ago this year when he retired from his pastorate. The purpose was to provide a safe haven, a retreat for area pastors to get away with their families and spend time with other pastors to strengthen one another and support each other. The life of a pastor is one that makes it hard to make friends - REAL friends who will listen when they have frustrations, hurts, and doubts just like the rest of us do. Sometimes people in the church are best at eating and spitting out their own.

Who better to talk to about and understand what a pastor is going through than another pastor.

The ministry pays to bring in pastors from all over the state who need nourishment for their own souls and time with their own families. Our church provides the space for their conference time and then one evening our choir and orchestra gather members from other choirs and orchestras from other surrounding churches who wish to participate and we sing and play and lift up these pastors in worship.

We get to minister to the ministers.

Started out reaching pastors in Kansas. This year they brought in some pastors from Missouri too. They hope to reach pastors in other surrounding states eventually.

In all my years participating in our choir, I've never been available to be involved in this event. Priorities have to be set and I've made critique group my Thursday night priority since rejoining the choir. But since I took a break from critique for the play, I thought about doing it this year. This would be my one and only opportunity to actually participate in giving back. Only thing is that being away from home Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday night I knew I'd be exhausted come Thursday.

Wasn't planning to participate then. But then our drama director for the play told us she had to be out of town this past Monday night. That left Monday for relaxing at home. That would leave me open to consider Thursday.

The door was open. I walked through it. Sure glad I did. Yes, I'm absolutely spent this evening after arriving home. Can hardly keep my eyes open sitting here writing for my blog. But my heart is full.

And I thought I gave it all away tonight too. Guess that's what is so wonderful about giving - you always get something back in return.

Teaching the Old Dog

I have a difficult time accepting help.

It isn't that the offers aren't appreciated - sometimes just the thought means more to me than anyone will ever know. No, the problem is in my head.

Too many times in the past, I've had offers from people to buy me things, help me fix things, go with me places, etc., etc., etc. So many times these offers came at very crucial junctures when the need was greatest. Almost every single time it came with a caveat. Maybe the caveat wasn't mentioned up front, but the bill would eventually come due later. It seems few people ever do anything for you without expecting something in return. Part of our society, I suppose. Perhaps just the kind of people I knew at the time. I'll never quite understand it.

Therefore for much of my adult life, I have made a point of making sure that, no matter what, I would be the one taking care of myself and my son without intervention from anybody. I've learned how to manage all sorts of things. I've become Ms. Fix-It around my house. I even can proudly say that I reroofed my previous home. Chalk that one up on my resume. I'll always hire it out if ever it needs done again though. Even so, I'll be certain to pay for services rendered at the time of service and ensure the cost is understood up front even if the service is offered free of charge. Thank you very much, but no thank you.

A few years ago I had a friend of mine chastise me for this attitude. You see, I love to do things for people, treat them to lunch, give them special gifts, invite them to elaborate dinner parties, all at my own expense without ever expecting anything in return. It is just something I thoroughly enjoy doing. But this friend pointed out to me that I NEVER let anyone do anything like that for me. She reminded me of how much joy it gives me to give to others, but said I take that potential joy away from others by not letting them do the same for me. Ouch!

Last night I received an incredible offer from a dear friend of mine. I've known him for more than eight years, one of the few men I actually trust. He offered to help pay for my son's choir trip to Europe next summer (see Wednesday's post). I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I can't tell you how much that frightened me.

After waving his offer aside, I stopped for just a moment. This is a man I trust. This is a man who shares my pride in the invitation my son received. My friend's words from several years ago rushed through my thoughts. I took a deep breath then told him I would hold it in the back of my mind and think about it - a massive step for me.

Not sure what I'll do with that thought right now. That's okay. I've got lots of time to consider it. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.