Remembering the Loaves and Fishes

This week I did something I haven't done in years.

I bought a new music accompaniment track.

Years ago, I was very involved in the music ministry of my church, singing solos, acting in our huge Christmas and Easter productions, etc., etc., etc. But then came the difficult years and my voice was striken from me.

Not to mention my heart and soul.

As many of you know, in the last few years I've been on a quest to find my voice again. My doctor put me on some thyroid medication. Then we changed it after it seemed I might have an allergy to the binding agent in that particular brand.

Since then, I've gotten alot of my voice back but not to the capacity, clarity, and dependability that it once was, which has been very difficult for me to accept. Used to I never had to think twice about my voice cracking or just disappearing on me suddenly, but it is something I've had to work on and try to adapt to in order to sing these days (and some days are better than others).

A few years ago I wrote about having participated in a musical Christmas play at my church. Still not the best singing job but better, and it felt so great to be acting again and reaching others. Recently my music pastor has had me do some poems and scripture readings in services - can't tell you how wonderful that has felt. This week he also asked me to participate in the praise team in a couple of weeks.

That's gotten me to thinking.

When you've been used to having a clear and lovely voice, it's hard to accept anything less from yourself. But what if - just what if - God could still use whatever voice I have to reach others? No it isn't perfect, no it isn't what I've grown up being used to, but maybe just my willingness to put myself in the hands of my Lord, He might touch someone through the words of a song. I long to once again be an instrument played beautifully by the hands of God again, have His light shine through me and touch others. It's truly the most incredible feeling in the world.

So even though I expect perfection from myself, perhaps the little I have to give is all He needs to touch a life or two. I'll never know until I make myself available to Him in that way again.

Just can't help but remember what He did with a few loaves and fishes.