Through Troubled Waters

While I've been awaiting the arrival of my temporary license, I've been busily working on preparations for my son's approaching high school graduation.

As part of that day's events, I've planned a DVD montage of his life replete with pictures, music, and fun. One of the songs I'm using will be from his State Choir CD - rather gratuitous, I realize, but the song is spectacular and fits the mood of the particular pictures in that segment.

The prep time has been quite the journey for me. I've laughed and cried, remembering the good times and bad, as I've perused a lifetime of pictures. But the reminiscing has been quite interesting.

See the tears aren't so much for the pain of the hard times but the joy of knowing that my son has truly made it THROUGH those times. He's not stuck in a mire of pain and bitter memories but has learned so many valuable lessons that only the difficulties of life can teach.

Then when I look at all he's accomplished thus far, in his short eighteen years, it makes this momentous occasion that much sweeter. It gives both him and me great hope for his future endeavors. It is a balm of peace that God is still in control through the tough times and that He still leads us through and beyond them to greater life on the other side.

My pastor once talked about the song of the "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" and how that was a misnomer. A bridge implies that God keeps us over or out of the troubles of this life, but that is by far incorrect. He is not our bridge over troubled waters but our submarine through them.

Jesus promised that in this world we would have trouble, but that He has overcome the world. Therefore we have hope through the difficulties of life.

It is a beautiful thing to see that my son has been through life's troubles thus far and has made it through with his faith intact. There are struggles that await him in the future - of that, I'm certain, but I also have hope that he has the foundation in place to make it through those as well.

But let's just get through graduation first.

A Sweet Refrain

I'm so proud of my son!

That seems to be a common refrain of late. :-)

Today we received the first confirmation of a scholarship to his chosen college. The vocal music scholarship is now officially in the bag. He's very pleased.

I'm so excited - and relieved.

For years I've had funds set aside to help him with college. Not much, but something to assist him so that he doesn't have to live the first ten years post-college saddled with a bunch of debt. However, during these last few years of layoffs and my own school endeavors, the kettle has become quite dry and depleted.

So this scholarship is a HUGE answer to prayer, as it covers all of his tuition and books. There will also be some fees, food, and gas money to consider, but he still has his small savings that I set up for him a long time ago. When he used to get an allowance, he was required to save half of it and then he could spend the other half as he saw fit.

That's where most of his Legos came from. Once he realized the value of a dollar, he'd save his spending money until he had enough to buy something for his collection.

Over the years he's socked away about a thousand dollars. That, plus his small academic scholarship and (hopefully) a small local business scholarship that he's writing an essay for during spring break, will cover the additional fees and give him some spending money for food and gas. Thank God we live close enough that he'll be able to commute and save on living expenses.

The only thing I keep thinking about is how guilty I'll feel if he gets the other scholarship as well. Then he has to turn one down. Ouch!

Oh well - life is about the choices we make, even when those choices are a bit difficult. The choices we make will hopefully make each of us a better person in the end.

I know that's the case for my son.

Riding the Whirlwind

The last few days have been a whirlwind.

Last November I wrote about my son making District Choir and being an alternate for State Choir, both of which are incredible honors and opportunities. District Choir was in early December before the season swept us away, while State Choir was scheduled for February. So February is almost gone and with it State Choir possibilities.

Or so we thought.

Wednesday night I arrived home from my own choir rehearsal to find a message from my son's high school choir director. A quick return phone call confirmed that a last minute cancellation had come in from (it just so happens) a first tenor. Come to find out, my son wasn't just a high alternate on the list but the first alternate on the list for a first tenor position. We started scrambling and were up until nearly midnight trying to get everything together.

Yesterday morning rehearsals began (thank God nearby) and went until late. This morning he left before 7:30 to get to the rehearsal venue and will be rehearsing throughout the day until 9:30 tonight. Then Saturday morning we go early again before their one o'clock performance that afternoon.

I'm about to burst at the seams for this kid. What an honor it is (and it doesn't hurt that this pretty much guarantees him an in-state scholarship). I've been telling practically anything that walks and breathes the last couple of days.

I also find it interesting that it just so happens the one student who has to cancel, also happens to be a first tenor, and that my son just happens to be the first alternate and that we are close enough that the last minute machinations don't really mess up our schedule. Do you believe in coincidence?

Me neither.

I've always told my son that when opportunities come we need to be ready to drop the things we're holding so we can grasp what God is handing out in that moment. Otherwise all too soon it will pass and we'll be left wondering, "what if?"

So give me the whirlwind. All we've gotta do when it passes by is grab and hold on tight.

Controlling the Weather

February has come in like a lion!

A veritable white lion, but a lion nonetheless.

Since the beginning of February we have been hit by snow, snow, and more snow. This week my son used up his last snow day for school.

They have five total each school year.

So since I'm also attending school, my hours have been hit by our school being closed several days this month as well. Only problem is that keeps pushing my graduation date further and further back. Before all of the snow hit, I was on track to graduate the 23rd of March.

Now I'm looking at the 28th of March.

I guess I should be glad that it is still going to be March but I'd hoped to graduate nearly a month early because of my good attendance. My attendance percentage as a whole is still very high and unaffected by the snow closures, but each day we're closed I'm thrown further behind in graduating.

I should be thankful though. My technical graduation was to be April 17th, so I'm still well ahead of that date. Suppose my frustration has more to do with the fact that I'm so READY to get out of school and back into life again.

But it is quite interesting - even though I'm in school, it seems I'm still in the midst of life. There's so many lives that I've had the honor of touching in these months I've attended, that perhaps God needs me to linger just a bit longer in order to be of the greatest import to someone else.

Yes - I'll hold onto that mindset to get me through these next few weeks.

Unless I figure out a way to control the weather.

Living A Full Life

So many wonderful things have taken place the last several months that at times I cannot believe they are happening. Makes me also wonder what God is up to. :-)

Last fall I had to make a difficult decision in my life, but since that time it seems God has opened up doorway after doorway and confirmed Himself all over again in the paths I'm walking.

Shortly after making said decision, I was asked to be a part of the praise team at my church. I've not had a place on the platform since 2000 due to having to back off of involvements to deal with life's difficulties and to be more available to my son during that time. Plus losing my voice capacity had a bit to do with it too. I've been back in choir now for five years with a new worship pastor but have maintained a background stance. Not sure what the catalyst was that prompted our worship pastor to take notice of me, but I'm so thankful he did because it feels absolutely incredible to be used once again in my heart's desire - music.

Then there was winning first place in the salon fair at my school, additional confirmation that I'm on the right track. The past month there have been so many situations where God has opened doors that have allowed me to share with a few of the girls at the school, one who fell away from Him in high school after the failings of their youth pastor were revealed. She and I have been talking extensively. I love being used by the Lord in such ways. It also shows me how this industry will allow me a front-row seat in God's arena.

Today my Sunday School leader asked me about sharing my testimony in class in a couple of weeks. Wow! Heavy load and I haven't shared like that in Lord knows how long. But my son is eighteen now and is living proof what a life sold out to God can accomplish even through the mistakes we make. My life has been dedicated to raising him and that part of my path-walk is rapidly drawing to a close.

So maybe the idea of opening my own salon is on the horizon. I'm still jiggling doorknobs in that regard to see if any are open at the present time. I'll walk through those doors as I can and share that journey with you as it develops.

My life feels very full at the moment - busy too! Makes me wonder what is coming up around the bend.

Welcome 2011

It is with great joy that I spit goodbye to 2010 and wholeheartedly embrace 2011.

This first day of 2011 has been fun and relaxing, unlike this time last year when all you-know-what was breaking loose in my family. First there was my mother's cancer diagnosis confirmation, followed shortly by my grandmother's (mom's mom) death. Then the seemingly endless chemo treatments, job layoff, the unexpected loss of mom's best friend, etc., etc., etc.

But then again there were some glimpses of light even in the midst of absolute chaos and darkness.

Even though it was difficult to lose my grandma, it also seemed to be time. Please don't take that as being cold and unfeeling, but my mom was responsible for Grandma's visitation and care and with the looming surgery, recovery, then chemo it was time for someone else to step in.

That someone else ended up being the Lord, as He took her home to be with Him. He is, after all, the best caretaker anyone could need. Grandma ended up in good Hands.

The job loss also had a bright spot - it allowed me to be more available to my mom when she needed it and not just when it was convenient for the job situation. I didn't have to feel constantly torn between my responsibilities to work and my God-given responsibilities to my mom. It has also given me a chance to embrace a new calling and explore the possibility of realizing a long-held dream.

I've yet to come up with a positive light shined on the loss of Mom's best friend, but perhaps that's one that will have to wait until reaching the other side. There's some questions that will never be adequately answered until we have a chance to ask them face-to-face.

I hope God has a way to duplicate my questions in my notebook. Heck, He already knows them.

So many difficult things have happened this past year, and yet each one seems to have driven me closer to the Lord's feet. I can definitely say I've laid prostrate there so much of this past year. I guess that's another positive that's come from the difficulties myself and my family have faced. It gives greater meaning to the hurts.

And greater hope for the future. Welcome 2011!

The Strangeness of Strangers

Things are feeling very strange tonight.

Previously I've blogged briefly about a friendship that was betrayed eleven years ago and the pain that brought, but also what I've learned from that time period. God never lets a hurt go unused if it is given to Him for His glory.

Twice in all of these years, this person made contact with me to try and open correspondence - once by letter about six years ago and once via Facebook about a year and ahalf ago. I never responded to either because I wasn't sure how to feel about it all and if I was strong enough to open those old wounds - not only for myself but for my son as well. Most importantly, I neither sensed genuine remorse nor received any apology.

But perhaps the timing is right now.

Lately I've sensed the Lord directing my mind more and more toward her. This past weekend there was a distinct sense from the Lord that I needed to make contact - that now the time was ripe.

Still not sure how to feel about it, but in obedience I searched for and found her through the Linked In website - it appears she's no longer on Facebook. So I sent a contact notice and my personal email so as not to muddy a public site with highly sensitive and extremely personal correspondence.

She responded back right away.

Then I wasn't sure how to proceed. I'd stepped out in obedience but wasn't sure what I expected to happen. Have no clue whatsoever what will happen or even what I want to happen from this. Perhaps it is just a time to speak the truth and offer forgiveness. Maybe eventually there might even be a chance to establish an acquaintence or (dare I say it) a friendship of sorts again - but that is spending time in fantasyland, whereas I'm too realistic of a girl to allow myself to wallow in such dangerous territory. Reality may bite much of the time but the long-term price of fantasyland no one can afford.

So for now I'm just opening up communication and telling it like it is. I'm pretty good at that anymore. She's at least willing to communicate and talk in reality too, unlike how things were going when the friendship ended. And I've finally received something for which I've waited eleven years.

A remorseful and heartfelt apology.

Reality may have the deepest hurts, but it also contains moments of true and actual joy. That's something fantasyland will never provide. So I'll take reality any day.

Even if it makes me feel strange.

Life Worth Living

Had some really interesting happenings at school this week.

Now understand - I'm the old lady at school and as such have become like a mother figure to pretty much everyone there. Countless times I've had some of the girls come up to me and lay their wounds bare before me. It's become quite clear that school as well as this industry is fertile ground.

One of the girls recently came out on the floor from two months in the classroom. She is a young and quiet soul and has a tendency to keep to herself. Some of the more sanguine and extroverted girls have had a tendency to label her as a bit snooty or standoff'ish. For some reason, I've suspected that label to be misapplied in her case.

This week confirmed it.

Because of my "mom" status, I have a tendency to go around school to all of the stations and just touch base, comment, and encourage each student, especially as each new class enters the big, bad, scary world of live rehearsal on the floor. Working with mannequins is one thing - real, live human beings quite another. Tuesday this particular student talked with me for a few minutes. We made a connection.

Wednesday was my turn to run the desk (we take turns, though I seem to be on the desk ALOT - I wonder why). When it isn't busy, the desk person must stay at their assigned position but can sit on one of the sofas in the waiting area and study (and since we were on Anatomy and Physiology, I felt the study time would be most prudent - made a 100% by the way). This student came by on a break, sat down, and proceeded to open up to me about all of the hurtful things that were going on in her life at present - the death of her grandmother, her mom finding out about her dad's affair, and facing the return of a cheating boyfriend who wanted to try and get back together.

Needless to say, this young lady has an awful lot of trials going on in her life!

I'd hoped by just listening and sharing with her some of my own trials and how my faith in God has walked me through it all, it might give her hope and make some sort of difference.

Thursday morning she came to school beaming. She'd decided Wednesday night to stop in at a church she once attended and immediately reconnected with several old friends. She couldn't wait to tell me what had transpired.

She'll never know how uplifting it was for me to hear.

Sometimes we go about our Christian life never knowing if anything we do makes a difference. Where's the evidence that God is moving and working through our lives to touch others and bless them?

Perhaps on occasion, God gives us a small peek. That's what happened to me this week. In blessing someone else with just being there and being willing to be vulnerable, the Lord blessed me with the knowledge that He was still using this old instrument for His glory.

It makes life worth living - even on those days when you want to box the ears of those crazy youngsters.

Standing Amazed

The blessings just keep coming and coming.

Can't remember if I told you about the schooling exactly that I'm currently participating in. I'm attending a cosmetology school with the plan to work for someone else for a couple of years and then open my own salon and day spa. Those plans seem to be getting a big push of late, but I'm not quite ready to share what's happening in that arena yet.

Needless to say, with my anal tendencies (yes, I am able to admit it) I have been working really hard on some European fringe techniques after watching a special video over and over again. One of my fellow students let me practice the technique on her about a month ago and I've been perfecting it ever since, picking up little nuances and incorporating some of my own little specialties with it.

The last two weeks, I've had three clients come in (one a repeat - made me feel so honored) who were game on letting me try the technique on them. They all loved the final result. Yesterday I had a lady from my church come in for an appointment after seeing my hair at church on Sunday. This lady had severely damaged hair and it looked like the last person to touch it had taken a very dull razor to it.

What a mess!

So first of all I proceeded with a special conditioning treatment to rebond the keratin protein in her hair strands. Then I started in on the cut and style. After all was said and done, she absolutely loved it and wore it with pride and glory to the ladies Holiday Pizzazz last night at the church. When she was up on the stage I couldn't help but sit there in the audience just beaming with amazement - she looked so fresh and funky in her new do, and I'd accomplished it. Several people kept commenting throughout the evening and she gave me alot of credit for "saving" her hair.

This morning at school I received a call from a lady who is friends with this particular client. She was so impressed with the cut I'd given that she wanted something similar and also decided it was time to put some fresh color on her hair.

I could hardly contain my excitement - I have just made a name for myself and have clients now who are walking advertisements for my technique.

Lord, your blessings are on a roll. I stand humbled and amazed!

Hope Comes Once Again

This year may just end on a good note after all.

My son announced to me that he made District Choir and is a high alternate for State Choir. I just about came unglued and pee'd my pants.

Just making sure you're paying attention.

It's going to be alot of work for him in the next few months, but he's so excited. Last year he tried out and unfortunately had a bad cold the weekend of auditions and didn't do very well. He wasn't sure he wanted to try out again but went for it anyway. So glad he did.

District Choir is such an honor but to even make alternate for State is huge. And if he actually ends up getting to participate in State Choir, that's pretty much a guaranteed scholarship for college costs.

I feel giddy!

Then this evening, after arriving home from our church ladies "Holiday Pizzazz" evening of food, fun, and frivolity, I had an email waiting for me from our worship pastor at our church. He's asked me to do a solo part for Christmas Eve services. Typically I don't do Christmas Eve services (it's a rare occasion because I like to enjoy it driving around looking at Christmas lights with my son) but I'm not going to pass it up if this is the direction the Lord is leading.

What with being asked to do readings and participate in praise team for Sunday services the past month, I was thrilled with that. Now to have a chance to do something I haven't done in my church in ten years?????

Is this You, Lord? If it is, I'm not turning it down.

With all that's been lost during 2010, perhaps it has prepared me to be pliable enough for God to use me again.

I just think it is interesting how just in the last few weeks we've felt the hand of God's blessing on our little household. None too soon.

It's a good way to draw an end to a difficult year - hope comes once again.

The Verdict Is In

Scary morning.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my pastor has been asking me to participate more actively in Sunday services. Well this morning was my turn at praise team, and I was really nervous about if my voice would cooperate or not.

It was a wonderful experience!

My voice was actually pretty clear and strong the last few days and this morning was no exception. Afterward our worship pastor thanked me for singing and told me he was so pleased to hear me sing again. Then several orchestra members came up to me and asked me if I used to sing alot in services (yes) and that it was so good to hear me sing again.

That was nearly ten years ago when my voice last took a turn in worship services.

So I guess once again God was at work. Makes me wonder what's going to happen next.

Now there's a REALLY scary thought.

Remembering the Loaves and Fishes

This week I did something I haven't done in years.

I bought a new music accompaniment track.

Years ago, I was very involved in the music ministry of my church, singing solos, acting in our huge Christmas and Easter productions, etc., etc., etc. But then came the difficult years and my voice was striken from me.

Not to mention my heart and soul.

As many of you know, in the last few years I've been on a quest to find my voice again. My doctor put me on some thyroid medication. Then we changed it after it seemed I might have an allergy to the binding agent in that particular brand.

Since then, I've gotten alot of my voice back but not to the capacity, clarity, and dependability that it once was, which has been very difficult for me to accept. Used to I never had to think twice about my voice cracking or just disappearing on me suddenly, but it is something I've had to work on and try to adapt to in order to sing these days (and some days are better than others).

A few years ago I wrote about having participated in a musical Christmas play at my church. Still not the best singing job but better, and it felt so great to be acting again and reaching others. Recently my music pastor has had me do some poems and scripture readings in services - can't tell you how wonderful that has felt. This week he also asked me to participate in the praise team in a couple of weeks.

That's gotten me to thinking.

When you've been used to having a clear and lovely voice, it's hard to accept anything less from yourself. But what if - just what if - God could still use whatever voice I have to reach others? No it isn't perfect, no it isn't what I've grown up being used to, but maybe just my willingness to put myself in the hands of my Lord, He might touch someone through the words of a song. I long to once again be an instrument played beautifully by the hands of God again, have His light shine through me and touch others. It's truly the most incredible feeling in the world.

So even though I expect perfection from myself, perhaps the little I have to give is all He needs to touch a life or two. I'll never know until I make myself available to Him in that way again.

Just can't help but remember what He did with a few loaves and fishes.

Comfort In The Midst of Uncomfortable

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How true this verse is being played out this week.

This evening I went over to the hospital in a nearby town to comfort a young friend. After getting my mother on the road toward health and healing from her mastectomy this past January, we received news this week that a friend was going to have to have a mastectomy.

She's in her early thirties.

Never dreamed I'd see someone else I know go through such a traumatic procedure so soon. Never in my life did I ever expect someone so young to have to endure it.

I mean, I know it happens - and to those even younger. But those are the stories you read about in the news or books. It's hit so close to home tonight.

Certainly hope I can be a comfort to her in the midst of this trying time. I was able to share some helpful hints before she went to the hospital this morning. It sure was good to see her tonight and know that she came through it okay.

But the road to recovery will be long and rough. The cancer is in her lymph nodes. I didn't have to endure that with my mother. Even so, I know I can still be a source of solid information and pray that I can be of comfort to her too. Somehow what we endured with my mom is coming back around to help someone else. Maybe - somehow - someway - what Mom went through is taking on even greater significance and meaning.

For there truly is comfort in the midst of the uncomfortable when we've walked that path of pain and lived through it.

Thanks, Mom, for allowing me this learning opportunity and enduring the pain you went through so that I could learn how to help someone else. Only God knew how soon I'd need to use His comfort once again.

Worship

Worship service was so amazing this morning!

Our church choir sang a variety of powerful songs this morning, all humming along the same theme - majesty and glory. Then to top it off, we sang the incredible octavo "Majesty of Glory of Your Name".

This was a piece I first was introduced to in my college choir. The incredible flowing beauty of the song quickly found its place in my heart, mind, and soul and has never left since.

Our church choir has brought it out from time-to-time in my adult years - not often enough for me, I must admit. Years pass between the opportunities to sing it. But each time we pull it out of the hallowed music library halls, I never need to look at the music score. It is so deeply ingrained in my heart and soul that it will never leave.

That's why I was so honored and blessed to be asked to recite a piece, written so long ago, as an introduction to today's lyrical offering - The Creation, by James Weldon Johnson. It is a brief descriptive of that moment so long ago when God's creative mind was on display as the universe came into being.

Tonight I went for an evening walk down the darkened pathways and just stared up into the clear blackened sky, spangled with the moon and stars. Even in the midst of a trying year, I felt the majesty of His presence in the deepening night, the words of the song this morning drifting over my mind once again.

And I worshiped.

The Dreaded "D" Word

Divorce

Such a terrible word. Such terrible wounds fanning out like a spider's web, touching more than the two parties involved.

Just this week I learned of two separate couples who find themselves in the throes of divorce proceedings. One divorce involves no children, while the other has two very young souls enmeshed in the chaos. Even though the first couple have no children there are still parents, other relatives, and friends that are affected forever by the division.

I remember when a sister went through a divorce and we struggled as a family to divide ourselves from him and his family out of loyalty to my sister. Friendships that involved both my sister and her former husband were stretched thin between the two. Eventually a side won the friendship battle. Even so, everyone still lost in the end.

When I suffered through my own divorce, even in the freedom there was extended pain. My mother-in-law was very dear to me, but now I've neither seen nor spoken to her in eighteen years. My mother and my ex's older sister were friends and taught Sunday School together in their church. Now they only speak to each other when necessary. There's that family loyalty to consider.

Having been through it all, I understand first-hand why God hates divorce. It tears into the very heart and soul of humanity - after all, God is about relationship. It's why He created us in the first place. Even in that perfect garden, God saw that humans needed other humans even though we eventually screwed up His perfection.

I know the legalists preach no divorce and no divorce/remarriage. I understand where they are coming from - I used to be one of them. But now that I see scripture from the side of having lived through the painful web of divorce and it's aftermath, I think I understand the deeper heart of what Christ was trying to get across to humanity two-thousand years ago.

There are never any winners, only losers when it comes to divorce. Relationships are shattered and most times irreparable, and God sees hurt upon hurt heaped upon humanity.

Which is why He hates that dreaded "D" word so much.

Because in many ways divorce equals death.

The Next Great Adventure

The last two weeks have been a veritable whirlwind.

I finally have a job!

It's not formal yet - she discussed it with me over the phone and now she's putting together the written offer to present to me on Monday. Then she'll conduct the background check and send me for a drug test next week. If all goes well (and there's no reason it wouldn't) then I will begin my new job on the 17th.

Isn't God's timing amazing? This morning I arrived home from the fourth and final interview - this time with their HR manager - to find a letter from the unemployment center in my mailbox. The purpose was to let me know that next week is my final week to receive the standard round of unemployment compensation.

So pleased that I'm not going to need it. Once again, the Lord has shown me that He's in perfect control over everything. I just need to do what I can do and leave it all in His hands - something I'm not all that great at, but each situation gives me more opportunity to learn.

Don't you find it neat that just as my unemployment is about to run out, I suddenly receive a flurry of interest and activity from months of putting my resume out there? Don't you find it so cool that I've had an entire summer to spend with my son - the first in his whole life - and will begin the new job the same week he begins his junior year of high school?

I do!

I can't tell you the number of huge and tiny but wonderful blessings God has allowed me to see and experience along this particular journey. Every day I've tried really hard to focus on the good things that have happened through all of this (some days not as good as others) and to thank Him for what He's been doing behind the scenes.

That makes me even more grateful to all of you who have been lifting us up behind the scenes too. Because of you - my family and friends - you've been an integral part in what God has been doing in our lives and I want to shout out a huge THANK YOU. Each one of you are so appreciated.

Thank you for being such an important part of our lives. Now on to the next great adventure!

Stellar Performance

Well we returned late last night from our annual Fourth of July blow up the sky event with the family.

As usual, it was a smash. You know, it is amazing how much one can buy on a limited budget. I focused on all the bargain nightworks instead of grabbing some of the bigger stuff. All in all, it was still pretty, though much shorter than our usual display.

See you can get the most bang for your buck.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyway, Mom contributed a good deal to the stash this year to help make the event the stellar performance it was. However, our numbers were much fewer this year.

Sometimes I hate it that the kids are all getting older. My nieces and nephews are gradually drifting away one by one. The oldest is living in Colorado and quite busy. One is away at school out-of-state. One lives out of town and has a girlfriend, so he decided to spend this year with her family. One is busy working in Arkansas.

Basically that left two kids - four if you count me and my sister. This resulted in the smaller stash, which resulted in the shorter time frame.

I guess that's probably a good thing, considering the Fourth was on a Saturday this year and we had to get up early for church in the morning.

But it was so neat. God joined in on the fireworks display and showed up all of us. Just to the south was a big storm system that moved slowly from the west to the east. All evening we had clear skies over us but a gorgeous lightning display just above the treetops. It was like God was saying, "Let's just see what I can do." So neat!

I guess you can say that the entire evening offered a stellar performance. Happy Birthday, United States of America!

The Saga Continues

The saga of a friendship gone bad continues.

Last night I decided to get some input from friends and family who know most of the story of how my former friend betrayed me. Their insight into how I might handle this new contact after ten years is very valuable to me.

Most of them were about as shocked as I when I told them she'd contacted me through Facebook. All of them were angry with the audacity that she showed. Some thought I should plow into her after all this time, while others thought it best that I just ignore the note and let sleeping dogs lie.

Literally.

For myself, I was surprised at how little I felt. Maybe I'm still in a slight bit of shock, but my initial reaction still remains. I have no interest in any attempt to dredge up an unsalvageable wreck from the depths.

However, I believe wholeheartedly that it is no coincidence that she contacted me at this exact time and moment after ten years. I believe it goes part and parcel with where God has me at the moment and the underworkings behind the scenes to redirect the path I'm walking in regard to so many things in my life - my job only one small piece of the puzzle.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to schedule a time this week to speak to my senior pastor at church. His insight has served me well in the past and my hope is that he can provide me with some options that perhaps I'm unable to see at this point in time - all from a Biblical perspective.

I know my own perspective may be clouded with emotion and judgment toward what she's done in the past and lack of what she's done since then. I want to be totally open and aware of where God may be leading so that I can clearly see the fork in the road, if one truly does exist.

I have no idea or expectation of where this may lead.

Stay tuned. Who knows what might happen next!

Faith Steps

Last night at choir practice, a friend of mine gave me a DVD that she told me I just had to watch. So tonight we didn't have anything on our agenda and decided to watch Fireproof. The story was actually quite good.

Kirk Cameron was the main character. No offense, but it is obvious he is the only professional actor in the show. If you can get past some of the acting capacities, it truly is a beautiful film.

I cried three or four times. My son wants to buy the movie for ourselves, but that will have to wait until I am once again employed.

Hope it won't be too much longer.

It's kinda funny, though. The story behind how this church stepped out in faith to make both this and their other movie, Facing the Giants, is quite inspirational. Just goes to show you that when God is in it nothing will be impossible.

Which brings me to a weird place in my own life.

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe things happen for a reason - good and bad. I believe that there may be something more happening in regard to this layoff I'm encountering. Been scared. Been a little depressed with not finding a job right away. Been frustrated and angry.

Even a little angry at God.

But I also know that this also provides me with an opportunity to seek out something more to do with my life other than the corporate run-around. I so much want to discover what it is that God is doing through this. Problem is not knowing what that something is or what direction to turn at the moment. My focus is all over the place - which means I'm not focusing.

There's several possibilities floating around. Working with my stylist to help her in her salon, talking to my dad about going into a partnership with him. But I also want to explore something involving my talents.

I'm working on querying agents about my book. Nothing's happening there, but I've also just begun. I'm talking to some people about maybe doing more theatre work and actually getting paid for it. I'm even thinking way off the charts.

Not ready to talk about that at this point. Let's just say that it is a WAAAAAY big faith step.

Maybe through all of this I'll finally figure it out or at least have a light shine down on me and say, "THIS IS THE WAY".

Hey, it could happen!

Just look what a little faith and a few cameras did for a church down in Georgia.

A Christmas Eve Memory

And so it is Christmas Eve.

I remember last year - our first year in our lovely new home. I was still so exhausted from the move and associated stressors that I didn't do a whole heck of alot of decorating except the tree.

It's kinda funny - this year we got our tree on time but due to rushing right from Thanksgiving to the play, we did not decorate it for two solid weeks. Felt a little bad, but the play took a bit of time (duh!).

So what do I find myself doing this Christmas Eve? Finishing decorating, of course. My boss was so kind since the weather was so bad last night that he told us since it was only going to be a half day to not worry about coming in this morning.

What a Merry Christmas present that was!

So with the extra time around the house today, I'm finally putting up a few more decorations and getting the stockings hung with care (we have no chimney). Then I'm going to bake a pumpkin pie, since it is the only kind my son likes, and then tonight we'll make Christmas cookies for Santa.

Okay, okay - I know my son is sixteen, but there are just some traditions that are still fun. We never did the "Santa" thing much anyway, but it's still neat to bake cookies together and spend that time having conversation or just being silly.

Isn't that one of the reasons for celebrating Christmas? Isn't family time what it's all about?

Makes me think of Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus. Even before they were married, God started their family and still brought them together to raise His son as their own. Reminds me that God is as much in the little, ordinary, mundane things of life as much as the big things.

So enjoy this Christmas celebrating the gift of family as we remember the Holy Family this season.

Merry Christmas from Kansas!