A Sweet Refrain

I'm so proud of my son!

That seems to be a common refrain of late. :-)

Today we received the first confirmation of a scholarship to his chosen college. The vocal music scholarship is now officially in the bag. He's very pleased.

I'm so excited - and relieved.

For years I've had funds set aside to help him with college. Not much, but something to assist him so that he doesn't have to live the first ten years post-college saddled with a bunch of debt. However, during these last few years of layoffs and my own school endeavors, the kettle has become quite dry and depleted.

So this scholarship is a HUGE answer to prayer, as it covers all of his tuition and books. There will also be some fees, food, and gas money to consider, but he still has his small savings that I set up for him a long time ago. When he used to get an allowance, he was required to save half of it and then he could spend the other half as he saw fit.

That's where most of his Legos came from. Once he realized the value of a dollar, he'd save his spending money until he had enough to buy something for his collection.

Over the years he's socked away about a thousand dollars. That, plus his small academic scholarship and (hopefully) a small local business scholarship that he's writing an essay for during spring break, will cover the additional fees and give him some spending money for food and gas. Thank God we live close enough that he'll be able to commute and save on living expenses.

The only thing I keep thinking about is how guilty I'll feel if he gets the other scholarship as well. Then he has to turn one down. Ouch!

Oh well - life is about the choices we make, even when those choices are a bit difficult. The choices we make will hopefully make each of us a better person in the end.

I know that's the case for my son.

Welcome 2011

It is with great joy that I spit goodbye to 2010 and wholeheartedly embrace 2011.

This first day of 2011 has been fun and relaxing, unlike this time last year when all you-know-what was breaking loose in my family. First there was my mother's cancer diagnosis confirmation, followed shortly by my grandmother's (mom's mom) death. Then the seemingly endless chemo treatments, job layoff, the unexpected loss of mom's best friend, etc., etc., etc.

But then again there were some glimpses of light even in the midst of absolute chaos and darkness.

Even though it was difficult to lose my grandma, it also seemed to be time. Please don't take that as being cold and unfeeling, but my mom was responsible for Grandma's visitation and care and with the looming surgery, recovery, then chemo it was time for someone else to step in.

That someone else ended up being the Lord, as He took her home to be with Him. He is, after all, the best caretaker anyone could need. Grandma ended up in good Hands.

The job loss also had a bright spot - it allowed me to be more available to my mom when she needed it and not just when it was convenient for the job situation. I didn't have to feel constantly torn between my responsibilities to work and my God-given responsibilities to my mom. It has also given me a chance to embrace a new calling and explore the possibility of realizing a long-held dream.

I've yet to come up with a positive light shined on the loss of Mom's best friend, but perhaps that's one that will have to wait until reaching the other side. There's some questions that will never be adequately answered until we have a chance to ask them face-to-face.

I hope God has a way to duplicate my questions in my notebook. Heck, He already knows them.

So many difficult things have happened this past year, and yet each one seems to have driven me closer to the Lord's feet. I can definitely say I've laid prostrate there so much of this past year. I guess that's another positive that's come from the difficulties myself and my family have faced. It gives greater meaning to the hurts.

And greater hope for the future. Welcome 2011!

This Too Shall Pass

Over the last several weeks I've been asked by a few people how I'm holding up with the job situation, considering the finance industry has been pretty hard hit. To my close friends, I have my moments. But to the rest of the world it is important to me to not just put on a brave face but to really exude my usual upbeat demeanor.

After all, it isn't the end of the world...YET.

Barring my almost month-long bout with an ear infection, I've really tried to keep up on the exercise. After getting my son off to school, I sit down at the computer and work on a few job-related items. By 9:30 or 10:00 I'm on the treadmill and watching a rerun of TLC's "What Not To Wear". Then I'll pop in for a refreshing shower or swim in my big tub and try to pamper myself a tad. A quick sandwich and then it is off to run an errand.

I usually try to space my errands out so that I have a purpose for getting out of the house most every day. Run into town to the bank one day - get catfood the next. On a nice day I'll go for a quick walk in the sunshine to liven things up and energize the body. Sunshine is good for the soul.

Occasionally I'll meet a couple of friends for a bite out. Oh how I have appreciated their hospitality these last few months! There's been times it was the only thing keeping me sane.

So I also realized it was important to keep up with my friends. I try to talk to friends and family on the phone a few times a week (rotating, of course, not the same ones every time). This, I have found, has been very helpful to my sanity and in keeping the walls from closing in.

For the most part I've been able to keep a positive outlook without allowing my occasional fears to overwhelm. Yes, I'll have my moments with a close friend but that's what friends are for. We're there for each other.

And that's probably the most important thing that keeps me going.

Eventually the job that fits well for both sides will pan out and I'll look back on this time as a wonderful learning experience and a great time to have had opportunity to slow down and reconnect with those things that are most important.

Yes, this too shall pass.

Layoff Disruptions

Last week I had to make a difficult decision.

Our upcoming annual writer's retreat is this weekend down at Osage Hills in Oklahoma. Funny - a Kansas writer's group going to Oklahoma for their retreat.

Hey, there's good reasoning behind that.

So anyway, I've been looking forward to getting away from the hustle and bustle to spend a long weekend doing nothing but writing and meeting with my fellow writers. It's a wonderful opportunity I look forward to every year. Our first year was freezing cold, a dusting of snow and active wildlife all day long. Perfect writing atmosphere! Last year it was cold but rainy the whole time - another perfect writing year. The wood was just a bit wet and hard to start though.

The layoff has sure thrown a snag into my life's plans. Since I have not yet secured ample employment, I canceled my cabin reservation last Friday. Kinda hurt. Yes, I have the money to go right now, but there's no telling how long I could end up out of work. My savings may need to last awhile at this rate.

Plus, for some strange reason, my son isn't off this Friday this year. They always end up with the Friday before President's Day out of school for teacher in-service. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. Looked at the calendar last week and he's got school.

Go figure.

So that rather sealed it for me to cancel my plans. With my son being in high school, I hate to take him out of school. His big choir trip to Memphis is coming up next month too, so he'll be out a few days for that as well. A few of his classes require him to actually be in class to complete his work (like drafting), so he'll have enough to catch up on shortly. Don't need to throw another make-up day into the mix.

So it's all working out for the best. For that I can't complain.

Even if I will miss everyone. To my fellow critiquers - have a great time. I'll be thinking about you. :-)

And if for some reason you hear pebbles on your windows or something drops down your chimney, remember that I'm miles away.

You can't blame it on me this time. It's probably Gary.

Cats Make Great Writer's Block

Cats make great writer's block.

Instead of looking for a new job today, I decided to spend the entire time at the computer creating an agent contact listing in preparation for querying agents about my book. Throughout the day, one of my cats kept climbing up into my lap and then onto the desk - right in front of my computer screen.

Heck, one time he even tried grabbing the pointer on the screen. I kept spinning it around in circles, hoping it would make him dizzy and he'd get off the desk.

Worked about as good then as it is doing now. At the moment, I'm having to peek around the cat and hoping my fingers are on the correct keys.

My writer's block has cleared!!!

So where was I? Oh yes - spent the day studying literary agents and compiling an Excel spreadsheet with their contact information. Tomorrow I'm going to clean up and sharpen the first few chapters a little bit, send out several queries via email, then spend some time on Career Builder seeing if there are some applicable job postings.

Have to admit, I'm feeling a little torn. Right now I wish I was in a position to take some extended time off to really devote to my writing and selling of my book(s). I'm seeing this layoff as a real opportunity to switch gears somewhat and focus - maybe even doing something completely different.

But there's still the mortgage and utilities to be paid. Financially I'd be in a sweet position if the markets hadn't tanked the last few months. If worse had come to worse, I could have just cashed in some of my 401k and paid off the house.

Magic mirror on the wall, I wish you'd told the future!

Even so, I think I can combine my efforts during the possible weeks I'll be off work (please, not months) and take advantage of having the time to really push my book(s) as well as search for work. The technological age does have many benefits, doesn't it?

Last year a friend of mine made the leap from full-time employment to full-time writing. Lucky stiff! He and his wife spent a few years preparing as a lead-in to taking this step and getting bills paid off and finances in order, etc. However, his wife still maintains her job and they're making it just fine.

Guess that's why it's a little hard for me to take such a step of faith, since I am the sole provider of my family. The pressure was always there, but it didn't feel so heavy until I was without paycheck.

Just want to use this time wisely while I have it. I'll find gainful employment again - I'm just not sure if I should stay with what I know or take a risk and try something new.

Maybe even something totally new.

I'll treasure this time eventually someday. Maybe I'll be able to write about it then too.

Well, I guess that might work - as long as I don't continue to have this writer's block problem.

Still A Banner Year

Over the weekend we had an opportunity to go out to my boss' country home and have one final celebration with the gang.

I say one final because our office is being shut down. Yep, I'm being laid off.

We all found out the week after Thanksgiving while I was in the throes of production week for the play. Didn't have time to really think about it then.

Thinking about it a bit this week. We're packing things up and preparing for our last day next week. Been with this group for ten years exactly December 20th, 2008.

Haven't been happy with the company that bought us early last year. It's been a real struggle to stay sane, and I've almost looked for other employment several times. But the fact that my boss is absolutely wonderful and I love working with each and every soul in the office made me do a double-take.

I stayed - if only for the fact that I was able to work with them. They were feeling the pain too so we commiserated together.

So in reality this layoff is a blessing in disguise. It frees us up to look elsewhere for a company that is at least in this century and has a can-do attitude.

Only problem is that with the Christmas and New Year's holidays there was nary a response to our letters and phone calls last month. The chances of us all staying together as a group are very slim to none. That saddens me.

However, I'm already finding some good opportunities if I go out on my own with another firm. There's hope out there! Plus we're finally starting to get some responses the last two days. Might be a little too late though.

Gotta pay the bills, you know.

So I find myself even thinking a bit outside the box. If money were no object, what would I do? I feel kinda freed in that thought process.

This may be a real opportunity to go in a whole new direction. I've gotten out a query letter I wrote two years ago on a book. Polished it up tonight.

I think I'll take a chance and start querying agents about my novel.

Hey - it couldn't hurt, all things considered. :-)

Yep, 2009 is still going to be a banner year.

Someone remind me of that in a couple of months.