A Sweet Refrain

I'm so proud of my son!

That seems to be a common refrain of late. :-)

Today we received the first confirmation of a scholarship to his chosen college. The vocal music scholarship is now officially in the bag. He's very pleased.

I'm so excited - and relieved.

For years I've had funds set aside to help him with college. Not much, but something to assist him so that he doesn't have to live the first ten years post-college saddled with a bunch of debt. However, during these last few years of layoffs and my own school endeavors, the kettle has become quite dry and depleted.

So this scholarship is a HUGE answer to prayer, as it covers all of his tuition and books. There will also be some fees, food, and gas money to consider, but he still has his small savings that I set up for him a long time ago. When he used to get an allowance, he was required to save half of it and then he could spend the other half as he saw fit.

That's where most of his Legos came from. Once he realized the value of a dollar, he'd save his spending money until he had enough to buy something for his collection.

Over the years he's socked away about a thousand dollars. That, plus his small academic scholarship and (hopefully) a small local business scholarship that he's writing an essay for during spring break, will cover the additional fees and give him some spending money for food and gas. Thank God we live close enough that he'll be able to commute and save on living expenses.

The only thing I keep thinking about is how guilty I'll feel if he gets the other scholarship as well. Then he has to turn one down. Ouch!

Oh well - life is about the choices we make, even when those choices are a bit difficult. The choices we make will hopefully make each of us a better person in the end.

I know that's the case for my son.

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions can be a funny thing. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer, just the reasoning behind why we make the choices we do.

Many, many years ago, when my son was tiny, I made an important decision. I chose to put myself aside to focus on raising him. This meant that I gave up alot. Yet now I see how much I've gained by putting my son ahead of myself.

The main item I chose to give up was dating and finding Mr. "Right". Dating meant time away from my son, my already divided attentions between home and work divided even more. The one time I did date seemed to be more spent in jockeying two children instead of one (if you get my drift). Yes, I've had times of loneliness. Yes, I've had times where I questioned my decision. Yes, I've also questioned my ability to raise a son all alone. Yet I haven't been alone.

For some reason, God chose to bless me with an enormously important responsibility, one I did not take lightly. I was twenty-three at the time and he's nearing his sixteenth birthday. You do the math. There have been some horribly difficult years, but the wonderful years greatly outweigh the hard ones.

This past year has been an incredible time of growth and maturity for him in so many ways. He has three more years of school before he's off chasing his dreams. My time for influencing him is quickly waning, and these next three years will speed up and be gone in a flash. I've always said that if I can at least instill a sense of personal responsiblity in my son, then I will feel I have succeeded as a mother. We're nearly there.

And I will NEVER regret my decision to put my son before myself.