Welcome 2011

It is with great joy that I spit goodbye to 2010 and wholeheartedly embrace 2011.

This first day of 2011 has been fun and relaxing, unlike this time last year when all you-know-what was breaking loose in my family. First there was my mother's cancer diagnosis confirmation, followed shortly by my grandmother's (mom's mom) death. Then the seemingly endless chemo treatments, job layoff, the unexpected loss of mom's best friend, etc., etc., etc.

But then again there were some glimpses of light even in the midst of absolute chaos and darkness.

Even though it was difficult to lose my grandma, it also seemed to be time. Please don't take that as being cold and unfeeling, but my mom was responsible for Grandma's visitation and care and with the looming surgery, recovery, then chemo it was time for someone else to step in.

That someone else ended up being the Lord, as He took her home to be with Him. He is, after all, the best caretaker anyone could need. Grandma ended up in good Hands.

The job loss also had a bright spot - it allowed me to be more available to my mom when she needed it and not just when it was convenient for the job situation. I didn't have to feel constantly torn between my responsibilities to work and my God-given responsibilities to my mom. It has also given me a chance to embrace a new calling and explore the possibility of realizing a long-held dream.

I've yet to come up with a positive light shined on the loss of Mom's best friend, but perhaps that's one that will have to wait until reaching the other side. There's some questions that will never be adequately answered until we have a chance to ask them face-to-face.

I hope God has a way to duplicate my questions in my notebook. Heck, He already knows them.

So many difficult things have happened this past year, and yet each one seems to have driven me closer to the Lord's feet. I can definitely say I've laid prostrate there so much of this past year. I guess that's another positive that's come from the difficulties myself and my family have faced. It gives greater meaning to the hurts.

And greater hope for the future. Welcome 2011!

Life Worth Living

Had some really interesting happenings at school this week.

Now understand - I'm the old lady at school and as such have become like a mother figure to pretty much everyone there. Countless times I've had some of the girls come up to me and lay their wounds bare before me. It's become quite clear that school as well as this industry is fertile ground.

One of the girls recently came out on the floor from two months in the classroom. She is a young and quiet soul and has a tendency to keep to herself. Some of the more sanguine and extroverted girls have had a tendency to label her as a bit snooty or standoff'ish. For some reason, I've suspected that label to be misapplied in her case.

This week confirmed it.

Because of my "mom" status, I have a tendency to go around school to all of the stations and just touch base, comment, and encourage each student, especially as each new class enters the big, bad, scary world of live rehearsal on the floor. Working with mannequins is one thing - real, live human beings quite another. Tuesday this particular student talked with me for a few minutes. We made a connection.

Wednesday was my turn to run the desk (we take turns, though I seem to be on the desk ALOT - I wonder why). When it isn't busy, the desk person must stay at their assigned position but can sit on one of the sofas in the waiting area and study (and since we were on Anatomy and Physiology, I felt the study time would be most prudent - made a 100% by the way). This student came by on a break, sat down, and proceeded to open up to me about all of the hurtful things that were going on in her life at present - the death of her grandmother, her mom finding out about her dad's affair, and facing the return of a cheating boyfriend who wanted to try and get back together.

Needless to say, this young lady has an awful lot of trials going on in her life!

I'd hoped by just listening and sharing with her some of my own trials and how my faith in God has walked me through it all, it might give her hope and make some sort of difference.

Thursday morning she came to school beaming. She'd decided Wednesday night to stop in at a church she once attended and immediately reconnected with several old friends. She couldn't wait to tell me what had transpired.

She'll never know how uplifting it was for me to hear.

Sometimes we go about our Christian life never knowing if anything we do makes a difference. Where's the evidence that God is moving and working through our lives to touch others and bless them?

Perhaps on occasion, God gives us a small peek. That's what happened to me this week. In blessing someone else with just being there and being willing to be vulnerable, the Lord blessed me with the knowledge that He was still using this old instrument for His glory.

It makes life worth living - even on those days when you want to box the ears of those crazy youngsters.

Christmas Life

The Christmas season has officially begun!

At least around our house anyway. :-)

Mom and Dad brought my son home and spent the rest of the weekend with us as tradition dictates. We've got our tree up and in the water, presents purchased, and I'm getting ready to start doing some decorating around the house.

Now if only I could keep up with the dishes and dusting.

Christmas is typically my favorite time of year (Independence Day a close second), but this year it feels a little more mellowed for some reason. A year ago brought alot of heartache and upset right around this time with my mother's cancer diagnosis followed swiftly by my grandma's passing (mom's mom). Eleven years ago this Christmas Eve was also the time my dear grandpa passed away. There seems to be alot of hurt attached to this time of year anymore.

Back when I was married (sooo many moons ago) I was just starting out in the banking industry and didn't have enough seniority to get time off at Christmas. My husband's family lived in Nebraska and he would take off a week or two and go up to see them. I'd go a couple of hours south and drive back Christmas night.

I remember vividly that first Christmas night driving back home all alone. As I entered the city, it was eerie in its silence and disturbing in its darkness. Nary a car was in sight as I roamed the streets and pulled into the garage. Walking into the empty house brought such pangs of loneliness of which I've rarely experienced since.

My ex and I never spent a single Christmas together.

Which is why after the divorce, Christmas became my favorite holiday once again. I had no good Christmas memories from my marriage to cloud my future happy holidays.

But 1999 muddied the waters for awhile after the loss of my very best friend forever and ever between Thanksgiving and Christmas that year and then the passing of my grandpa that Christmas Eve. It was several hard years after that before Christmas again became a festive time for us.

So even though there's rather a mellowed sense of the season this year, there's also so much life to celebrate in that Mom is doing great and my family continues to draw close to one another through these tough times.

And isn't new life what we're really celebrating at Christmas anyway?

That's what I thought.

Going Out With A Bang

Tonight is my son's huge end-of-the-year choir performance.

He just informed me this morning that he has to have a blue shirt and an orange shirt for the performance. They'll have their official shirt also - that's three shirts for one performance. I'm just happy he already has said colors of shirts. My thoughts and prayers go out to other parents who are currently tearing through stores looking for an orange shirt. It can't be a pretty sight - trust me, I've been there. My son is the king of last minute surprises. Can't tell you how many times we've been on the way to school only to have him pipe up:

"Oh, Mom - I need posterboard for a project today."

"Oh, Mom - I need five bucks today for the school play."

"Oh, Mom - do you happen to have a dozen cookies lying around unattended at this very moment?"

But I digress.

The dancing portion hasn't thrilled him. This will be their only performance where everyone will participate in the dancing sequences, which is probably why they aren't wearing their tuxes. After rehearsals this week, he's complained about his poor knees. I can see why. One currently sports a nasty bruise. I remember the days of grinning and bearing it myself. I told him it didn't look like it'd have to be amputated anytime soon. He'll survive.

His grandparents are making a special trip to town today. I'm thrilled that they're putting themselves out on a Thursday to make him feel special.

I've no doubt this performance will live up to our expectations.