Celebrating

Well Mom is here in Kansas.

We're celebrating an enormous milestone that I never thought would come. It's been a year today since her breast cancer journey began.

This time last year we were all gathered in Mom's hospital room post-op and telling her the good news (under the circumstances) that they found no further trace of cancer after the sentinel node biopsy. I still remember her groggy "good!" response and the nurse chuckling that she'd been asking about that while in recovery.

It was an enormous praise and relief to begin the journey with something positive (or negative, if you get my drift). :-)

That was a time of intense heartache, panic, stress, followed by moments of the peace that passes all understanding. I still remember the following night watching the snow fall outside the hospital window and being awakened by the snowshovels as the maintanence staff tried to keep ahead of the biggest snowstorm to hit their area all of last year.

Then there were the hourly requests for potty break. Hey, that was great news because it meant everything was in working order! Mom and I got so good at our system that we didn't have to bother the nurses all night, that is until they needed something from Mom. It's funny now because Mom kept saying how sorry she was to constantly get me up, but I was so glad to know that she COULD get up. During that time, we had to celebrate every little step forward.

Even though I still had to constantly get onto her for using that crazy right arm to get up from bed and chairs - she got so frustrated with that one. But it is with great fondness that I remember the nickname with which she dubbed me. Maybe we can get matching hats that say "sergeant" as a memento. :-)

During chemo when Mom lost her sense of taste, we said we were going to celebrate the return of her tastebuds with chocolate cake as soon as treatments were completed. Well tonight we celebrate the one year anniversary of her journey with (what else) CHOCOLATE CAKE. Wee!

The hair is back and growing longer and thicker every day. One more month and she'll be done with the Herceptin treatments, then four years more with this crazy pill and it will be completely finished.

Yet tonight we celebrate more than just a milestone of a year down in her journey.

We celebrate LIFE!

Comfort In The Midst of Uncomfortable

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How true this verse is being played out this week.

This evening I went over to the hospital in a nearby town to comfort a young friend. After getting my mother on the road toward health and healing from her mastectomy this past January, we received news this week that a friend was going to have to have a mastectomy.

She's in her early thirties.

Never dreamed I'd see someone else I know go through such a traumatic procedure so soon. Never in my life did I ever expect someone so young to have to endure it.

I mean, I know it happens - and to those even younger. But those are the stories you read about in the news or books. It's hit so close to home tonight.

Certainly hope I can be a comfort to her in the midst of this trying time. I was able to share some helpful hints before she went to the hospital this morning. It sure was good to see her tonight and know that she came through it okay.

But the road to recovery will be long and rough. The cancer is in her lymph nodes. I didn't have to endure that with my mother. Even so, I know I can still be a source of solid information and pray that I can be of comfort to her too. Somehow what we endured with my mom is coming back around to help someone else. Maybe - somehow - someway - what Mom went through is taking on even greater significance and meaning.

For there truly is comfort in the midst of the uncomfortable when we've walked that path of pain and lived through it.

Thanks, Mom, for allowing me this learning opportunity and enduring the pain you went through so that I could learn how to help someone else. Only God knew how soon I'd need to use His comfort once again.

Rumblings and Ramblings

My dear readers - it has been entirely too long!

Yes, I'm trying to get back into the writing saddle after a very tumultuous year. This post will be a brief update on where things stand in the rumblings and ramblings of 2010.

We just returned from spending a relaxing Labor Day weekend with Mom and Dad. Mom is enjoying retirement, getting her strength back, and also getting her hair back. The hair is coming in thick and is about a half-inch long. There also seems to be alot more pepper mixed in with the salt. :-)

Before leaving to come back home this afternoon, Mom and I also tried a jaunt around their town's walking paths. Shortly after getting some strength back after her last chemo treatment in June, Mom and I attempted a short walk around the block from their house. She barely made it back to the house before her legs gave out. Today we walked a mile or two with a few brief pauses along the way. It's really good to see her getting back to her old self. It reminded me of the walks she and I used to take together around town as I got older and before moving away.

My schooling is going well and I'm looking forward to finishing up in the spring and getting my feet back in the working saddle. Can hardly wait to open my own business someday after getting a couple of years under the belt.

Speaking of school, my son started his senior year of high school - oh my gosh! So far, it seems to be going very well. He had a physics test and only missed one, and his last chemistry test he scored a 100%. Even with his heavy schedule this year, he seems to be taking it in stride and getting his academic "feet" underneath him. None too soon!

So we're looking forward to the joys of senior year'itis. Thus far it is looking good.

Now if only I can get my life in order after getting everyone else's taken care of. :-)

The Cancer Journey

I've been giving more thought of late to the idea of moving forward with writing a book about my mom's cancer journey.

It's been quite interesting seeing the emotional roller coaster my mom has ridden on (along with a few of us standing by her side). In the beginning was fear of the unknown, the questionable mammogram, the emergency sonogram, the rushed biopsy.

The results.

Then came the inconsolable terror of the diagnosis, the sense of unreality, how this could be happening. Those days were such a blur, no sleep, constant worry, fear of the known and how to comprehend it all. Mom and Dad could hardly function and it took an army of us to band together to make sure we got to all of the appointments and scans, pre-op blood work and heart monitoring accomplished.

Before acceptance had much of a chance to take hold, Grandma passed away, further complicating an already emotional situation and weaving loss upon loss through all our hearts. It almost seemed like too much at the time.

Eventually a tentative acceptance hovered over her as Mom placed herself firmly in God's hands, so confused, so scared, but secure in the loving hands of the Father. Surgery came and she experienced loss of the breast, still intermingled with the loss of her mother, and we all grieved.

But grieving can be healing too.

She experienced the high of being free of detectable cancer cells in any lymph nodes but faced the reality of coming chemo treatments. Fear permeated again, but acceptance of the path laid before her came shortly upon its heels.

The first chemo treatment was a fright-filled event again, but each successive treatment has revealed a resiliency she probably didn't know she had. Once again, loss was experienced - this time her hair - but grieving and acceptance quickly moved her through those stages.

With the fourth chemo treatment, I was able to be present with her and saw a miraculous change in Mom's attitude. She walked into the facility like it was any other day, had all of her papers in tow, greeted everyone with a smile and got down to business without any assistance from anyone else. Then she picked out her chair and the day began.

What a change from the beginning stages of this journey!

Even though I know Mom doesn't like the chemo treatments and after effects, she knows their purpose, accepts what comes - but she also knows that this too shall pass and she'll be back on the road to better health and living life again very soon. Her attitude has become infectious and is an inspiration to everyone who comes in contact with her.

After all, she's only got two more chemo treatments left and then she'll be done. We're all wondering what her hair will look like once it starts to come back in.

And then where the next part of her journey will lead.

Life's Joys and Sorrows

My fellow readers - it has been too long. Glad to be getting back into the writing saddle, though I must admit I'm still not sure how regular I'll be.

Mom had her surgery the 27th of January. I was blessed to be able to spend the entire week with her to assist with recovery efforts. She's now in the full throes of chemo, has lost her hair, and after this third treatment recently is experiencing the fatigue we've only read about in other venues. Never thought I'd be so well versed in breast cancer and its various treatment regimens. Not sure I like being so, but I know it helps Mom with facing the unfaceable.

But life goes on and in a matter of months we'll have this phase behind her.

My son is nearing the end of his junior year in high school and decided that he was going to go to prom. I was thrilled to hear of it - he even asked a friend to go as his date and she accepted. For the last two weeks I've been bugging him to check with her on the color of her dress. Guys just don't understand that concept but I'm trying to give him little insights into the female psyche if he'll just pay attention.

So glory be, he asked her the color on Friday, just in time for his tux measurements and ordering today. He's going to be wearing this really neat style of tux with a black shirt and turquoise vest and tie. Pretty studly if you ask me - but then again, I'm only mom and he doesn't really ask me for that kind of input.

But as mom I offer it anyway. It's my prerogative (hey, isn't that a song?).

I also asked him if he thought they might enjoy my chauffeuring them to the red carpet in the RX.

What's that, you ask? Oh yes, that's right. With everything that's been going on of late I've never shared with you my Christmas present to myself.

Christmas Eve 2009, during the biggest snowstorm of the year, I bought myself a big bad new car.

Well it's not big but it sure is bad - velocity red, six-speed, suicide doors 2009 Mazda RX-8! That twin-rotor motor purrs more the harder you push the revs. We're talking it doesn't redline until 9,000 rpm's. Such a blast to drive! Just wish I had somewhere I could go and open her up full throttle without worrying about getting picked up by a policeman.

Hey, the insurance on the thing is bad enough already - certainly don't need to increase it with a ticket on my record. But I just can't help myself sometimes by pushing the envelope a little bit. Sure makes the drive to and from work alot of fun these days. With the driving back and forth to Oklahoma I've already racked up over nine thousand miles. I'd say she's just about broke-in.

So now my son has the old Protege to drive to and from school and pick up his date for prom. Feels a little weird at times, knowing my son is old enough to drive, not to mention date. Ugh!

But growing up is a part of life. I'm so glad he's participating in it and all the joys it can bring.

And sorrows - but joy comes once again in the morning. It'll come again for you too, Momma, and we can celebrate that time with you.

Good News From Oklahoma

Well more good news to report today down here near red, clay soil territory.

Mom got the first of two drains removed today. She's much more comfortable now, and the way the other drain is looking, she should have it out before the end of the week if all goes well.

Plus (and this is the really good news) - while we were at the doctor's office, pathology faxed in the final report of the lymph nodes. After all the blood tests, scans, biopsies, and lab work we finally have the absolute, 100% all-clear on the lymph nodes.

Mom is cancer free.

I'm almost too tired at this point to jump up and down, but we did a high-five when we received the news. It's the news we've been waiting to hear now for so many weeks. The first scan came back clear and we tentatively celebrated. The sentinel node biopsy came back clear, and we tentatively celebrated.

Now the final pathology lab report is in and we can really celebrate now that there is no microscopic presence of that foul "C" word.

I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep soundly tonight.

Blogging From Oklahoma

I'm here at Mom and Dad's in Oklahoma this Sunday night.

Mom had her mastectomy on Wednesday afternoon. The waiting room was really full with many families represented and her surgery was pushed back several hours. But once she was taken back for surgery, I think our family group was the only one who received regular updates directly from the operating room. What a blessing to be kept in the loop during those long hours!

Her doctor has been so conscientious all along and surgical day was no exception.

He even made a point of having the nurse call us the moment they had the results of the sentinel node biopsy - all clear. I was so excited by that call that everyone was telling me I was almost yelling into the phone when I started calling other family members. Sorry - couldn't help being thrilled by such wonderful news in the midst of difficult circumstances.

After surgery, Mom went into post-op recovery which was supposed to last from 45 minutes to an hour.

We waited.

And waited.

Time seemed to slow as the hours dragged on. That was the only time throughout the entire day that I lost that sense of peace momentarily. Just wanted to see Mom and know that she'd come through it all okay.

Because of nausea and a blood sugar spike we were kept apart for three more hours. Finally around 8:00 that evening we were notified that she was assigned a room and being prepped to come down the hallway. I waited by the doors at the end of the hall until I heard the wheels of the bed hit the linoleum.

Her face was a glorious sight to behold.

Even though her eyes were still closed, I told her hi and that the nodes had come back clear. She responded with a groggy but thankful "good", as I knew that would be the first thing she'd want to know.

Tomorrow we should hear back on the post-surgical pathology report from microscopic testing of the node. It's just the final follow-up to ensure there is absolutely no possibility of any cancer still present in the body.

We are all praying it comes back clean too.

Then we'll decide where we go from here. So far so good, I have to say.

A Bitter New Year

Can I be honest here?

Thus far, the New Year has been a real bite for my family. I'd love to use more colorful language here, but I've never used such language and wonder, why bother starting now?

Besides my dear mother's recent diagnosis of breast cancer, my grandmother (mom's mom) passed away last Friday morning. We had her services Tuesday.

For one thing I am thankful. When I went down last week to accompany my mother to her follow-up doctor's appointment and scans, we spent a few hours at the nursing home visiting Grandma. Even though she was virtually unresponsive most of our visit, I do believe she was able to hear us and tried to talk once. Two of my aunts were there to see to her care while my mother was occupied with her own health needs those days. I'm so glad they were there to be together during such difficult circumstances.

They even were able to stop by Mom and Dad's to celebrate with my mother her good news Wednesday evening. Just before five, the doctor's office received the scan results and immediately called my mother. The scans appeared clear - no cancer anywhere else in the body, not in the lymph nodes and not in the chest wall muscle. It's all appears to be contained in the breast tissue.

So I guess that's two things I'm thankful for.

Now it is a race to reach the 27th, when my mother's mastectomy surgery is scheduled. Everyday counts at this point - Mom really wants to get that cancer out of her body before there is any chance of it spreading further.

We're praying for a miracle - that can come directly from the Lord's hand or through the hands of a doctor. I want to keep my mother around for many years to come. Call me selfish if you want.

Then we'll see at the end of the year - maybe it won't end up so bad after all.

Unfamiliar Territory

This week our family finds itself in unfamiliar territory.

My mother has aggressive breast cancer.

The entire idea has just been a huge shock to our family. There's not a hint of cancer anywhere in our family. My mother has been healthy and taken care of herself all of her life.

I guess there are times when you just can't explain the unexplainable.

Yesterday when I found out, I broke down and spent the evening crying my eyes out and worried sick about my dear mother. Today I have been in planning and preparation mode.

We already know she will have a mastectomy, but now the question is how invasive will it be and how extensive is the cancer. My gracious boss told me to do what I need to do and take care of my mother, so after we return home from our consolation visit this weekend I will be returning Tuesday to sit with her through the next doctor visit and then Wednesday the PET-CT and MRI scans. I will be meeting with their fairly new pastor to explain a few things and then set up post-operative care and meals arrangement with several ladies in their church.

I cannot bear the thought of my mother being alone during this time. Thanks to my boss and the wonderful company I'm blessed to be working for, I know she won't be.

And even in the midst of tragedy there's a breath of peace.