Unfamiliar Territory

This week our family finds itself in unfamiliar territory.

My mother has aggressive breast cancer.

The entire idea has just been a huge shock to our family. There's not a hint of cancer anywhere in our family. My mother has been healthy and taken care of herself all of her life.

I guess there are times when you just can't explain the unexplainable.

Yesterday when I found out, I broke down and spent the evening crying my eyes out and worried sick about my dear mother. Today I have been in planning and preparation mode.

We already know she will have a mastectomy, but now the question is how invasive will it be and how extensive is the cancer. My gracious boss told me to do what I need to do and take care of my mother, so after we return home from our consolation visit this weekend I will be returning Tuesday to sit with her through the next doctor visit and then Wednesday the PET-CT and MRI scans. I will be meeting with their fairly new pastor to explain a few things and then set up post-operative care and meals arrangement with several ladies in their church.

I cannot bear the thought of my mother being alone during this time. Thanks to my boss and the wonderful company I'm blessed to be working for, I know she won't be.

And even in the midst of tragedy there's a breath of peace.

State of Being

Just talked to one of my girl friends this evening. She's struggling with the New Year and being all alone once again.

So she and I took a little walk down the lane of memories from 2008. I tried to remind her of all sorts of wonderful and breakthrough things that have happened this past year. Back up from the heart-feelings a little bit and run up to the head for some logic.

In 2008, she's had an opportunity to see relationships from two different sides. She's not feeling so connected to the single scene she usually runs with. I told her that was wonderful! It means that she is starting to grow and heal beyond what certain segments of society can offer. What a neat opportunity to explore potential friendships in other circles.

See sometimes we as singles can get so stuck in our singleness that we can't identify with anything or anyone else. It becomes all about us - all about finding that someone to soothe our past pains and make life worth living again. Wrongo!

The only problem is that it focuses all of our attention on ourselves. There are so many other ways to identify our lives other than that we are broken and act as if singleness is a disease that we have to eradicate as quickly as possible.

Singleness isn't who we are but simply a state. There are so many married people who wish they were single. There's so many opportunities in singlehood that one doesn't have when we are married, yet marriage is honorable as well. The problem is getting stuck in the mindset that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

So whether you are in a single or married state, find a way this year to see and identify yourself by another label. Perhaps you're a great mom, great employee, incredible singer or actor or gardener. My sister is an incredible cook while I'm only average. But I can cry on command in a play (I'm not sure, but I don't think she has this as an accomplishment - love ya, sis!).

Tear out those labels you don't like and write in a new one. Yes, you may be single but it's time to stop focusing on your state of being and find a better identity.

After all, colds may be catching. Singleness isn't. Celebrate your life wherever you are in 2009.

And my friend? We got off of our phone call laughing and celebrating the great strides she's made and looking toward where she's going in the new year.

Married or single.