My worldview has shrunk greatly in the past month. At this moment in my life everything revolves around my mom.
After the initial shock of the cancer diagnosis and then my grandmother's death wore off, my mind immediately shifted into Mom focus. I doubt if that will let up for some time yet.
My gracious boss once again showed her true colors. Once the mastectomy was scheduled, I was allowed to buy ahead on my vacation time (even though I've not been there quite six months) and was able to spend an entire week with my mother, helping her recuperate. After arriving back home on a Wednesday night, we turned around and headed back Friday evening for Super Bowl weekend.
That initial Wednesday parting was enormously difficult after spending a whole week caring for my mother. I held it all together until driving down the block and turning the corner. Before I even hit the next stoplight, the tears were falling uncontrollably.
It's times like these I wish I lived closer to my parents.
Hard as it felt, this weekend we stayed home. My son had a school dance Friday night and then ended up having friends around pretty much all weekend. But Mom hasn't been far from my mind.
Tomorrow night after work, I'll once again hit the road to head to Oklahoma. Mom has her first oncology visit Wednesday and I want to be there for that too. Chemo is looming on the horizon and none of us are looking forward to seeing her have to go through that. But eventually this too shall pass.
There are no guarantees in life, but I love my mother dearly and hope to keep her around for as long as possible. Eventually life will resume and get back to normal. I'm sure my son will keep me just as busy for the next year, as he's approaching senior-hood.
But for now little else matters. It's Mom who deserves my focus. And that's as it should be.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Good News From Oklahoma
Well more good news to report today down here near red, clay soil territory.
Mom got the first of two drains removed today. She's much more comfortable now, and the way the other drain is looking, she should have it out before the end of the week if all goes well.
Plus (and this is the really good news) - while we were at the doctor's office, pathology faxed in the final report of the lymph nodes. After all the blood tests, scans, biopsies, and lab work we finally have the absolute, 100% all-clear on the lymph nodes.
Mom is cancer free.
I'm almost too tired at this point to jump up and down, but we did a high-five when we received the news. It's the news we've been waiting to hear now for so many weeks. The first scan came back clear and we tentatively celebrated. The sentinel node biopsy came back clear, and we tentatively celebrated.
Now the final pathology lab report is in and we can really celebrate now that there is no microscopic presence of that foul "C" word.
I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep soundly tonight.
Mom got the first of two drains removed today. She's much more comfortable now, and the way the other drain is looking, she should have it out before the end of the week if all goes well.
Plus (and this is the really good news) - while we were at the doctor's office, pathology faxed in the final report of the lymph nodes. After all the blood tests, scans, biopsies, and lab work we finally have the absolute, 100% all-clear on the lymph nodes.
Mom is cancer free.
I'm almost too tired at this point to jump up and down, but we did a high-five when we received the news. It's the news we've been waiting to hear now for so many weeks. The first scan came back clear and we tentatively celebrated. The sentinel node biopsy came back clear, and we tentatively celebrated.
Now the final pathology lab report is in and we can really celebrate now that there is no microscopic presence of that foul "C" word.
I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep soundly tonight.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Blogging From Oklahoma
I'm here at Mom and Dad's in Oklahoma this Sunday night.
Mom had her mastectomy on Wednesday afternoon. The waiting room was really full with many families represented and her surgery was pushed back several hours. But once she was taken back for surgery, I think our family group was the only one who received regular updates directly from the operating room. What a blessing to be kept in the loop during those long hours!
Her doctor has been so conscientious all along and surgical day was no exception.
He even made a point of having the nurse call us the moment they had the results of the sentinel node biopsy - all clear. I was so excited by that call that everyone was telling me I was almost yelling into the phone when I started calling other family members. Sorry - couldn't help being thrilled by such wonderful news in the midst of difficult circumstances.
After surgery, Mom went into post-op recovery which was supposed to last from 45 minutes to an hour.
We waited.
And waited.
Time seemed to slow as the hours dragged on. That was the only time throughout the entire day that I lost that sense of peace momentarily. Just wanted to see Mom and know that she'd come through it all okay.
Because of nausea and a blood sugar spike we were kept apart for three more hours. Finally around 8:00 that evening we were notified that she was assigned a room and being prepped to come down the hallway. I waited by the doors at the end of the hall until I heard the wheels of the bed hit the linoleum.
Her face was a glorious sight to behold.
Even though her eyes were still closed, I told her hi and that the nodes had come back clear. She responded with a groggy but thankful "good", as I knew that would be the first thing she'd want to know.
Tomorrow we should hear back on the post-surgical pathology report from microscopic testing of the node. It's just the final follow-up to ensure there is absolutely no possibility of any cancer still present in the body.
We are all praying it comes back clean too.
Then we'll decide where we go from here. So far so good, I have to say.
Mom had her mastectomy on Wednesday afternoon. The waiting room was really full with many families represented and her surgery was pushed back several hours. But once she was taken back for surgery, I think our family group was the only one who received regular updates directly from the operating room. What a blessing to be kept in the loop during those long hours!
Her doctor has been so conscientious all along and surgical day was no exception.
He even made a point of having the nurse call us the moment they had the results of the sentinel node biopsy - all clear. I was so excited by that call that everyone was telling me I was almost yelling into the phone when I started calling other family members. Sorry - couldn't help being thrilled by such wonderful news in the midst of difficult circumstances.
After surgery, Mom went into post-op recovery which was supposed to last from 45 minutes to an hour.
We waited.
And waited.
Time seemed to slow as the hours dragged on. That was the only time throughout the entire day that I lost that sense of peace momentarily. Just wanted to see Mom and know that she'd come through it all okay.
Because of nausea and a blood sugar spike we were kept apart for three more hours. Finally around 8:00 that evening we were notified that she was assigned a room and being prepped to come down the hallway. I waited by the doors at the end of the hall until I heard the wheels of the bed hit the linoleum.
Her face was a glorious sight to behold.
Even though her eyes were still closed, I told her hi and that the nodes had come back clear. She responded with a groggy but thankful "good", as I knew that would be the first thing she'd want to know.
Tomorrow we should hear back on the post-surgical pathology report from microscopic testing of the node. It's just the final follow-up to ensure there is absolutely no possibility of any cancer still present in the body.
We are all praying it comes back clean too.
Then we'll decide where we go from here. So far so good, I have to say.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Bitter New Year
Can I be honest here?
Thus far, the New Year has been a real bite for my family. I'd love to use more colorful language here, but I've never used such language and wonder, why bother starting now?
Besides my dear mother's recent diagnosis of breast cancer, my grandmother (mom's mom) passed away last Friday morning. We had her services Tuesday.
For one thing I am thankful. When I went down last week to accompany my mother to her follow-up doctor's appointment and scans, we spent a few hours at the nursing home visiting Grandma. Even though she was virtually unresponsive most of our visit, I do believe she was able to hear us and tried to talk once. Two of my aunts were there to see to her care while my mother was occupied with her own health needs those days. I'm so glad they were there to be together during such difficult circumstances.
They even were able to stop by Mom and Dad's to celebrate with my mother her good news Wednesday evening. Just before five, the doctor's office received the scan results and immediately called my mother. The scans appeared clear - no cancer anywhere else in the body, not in the lymph nodes and not in the chest wall muscle. It's all appears to be contained in the breast tissue.
So I guess that's two things I'm thankful for.
Now it is a race to reach the 27th, when my mother's mastectomy surgery is scheduled. Everyday counts at this point - Mom really wants to get that cancer out of her body before there is any chance of it spreading further.
We're praying for a miracle - that can come directly from the Lord's hand or through the hands of a doctor. I want to keep my mother around for many years to come. Call me selfish if you want.
Then we'll see at the end of the year - maybe it won't end up so bad after all.
Thus far, the New Year has been a real bite for my family. I'd love to use more colorful language here, but I've never used such language and wonder, why bother starting now?
Besides my dear mother's recent diagnosis of breast cancer, my grandmother (mom's mom) passed away last Friday morning. We had her services Tuesday.
For one thing I am thankful. When I went down last week to accompany my mother to her follow-up doctor's appointment and scans, we spent a few hours at the nursing home visiting Grandma. Even though she was virtually unresponsive most of our visit, I do believe she was able to hear us and tried to talk once. Two of my aunts were there to see to her care while my mother was occupied with her own health needs those days. I'm so glad they were there to be together during such difficult circumstances.
They even were able to stop by Mom and Dad's to celebrate with my mother her good news Wednesday evening. Just before five, the doctor's office received the scan results and immediately called my mother. The scans appeared clear - no cancer anywhere else in the body, not in the lymph nodes and not in the chest wall muscle. It's all appears to be contained in the breast tissue.
So I guess that's two things I'm thankful for.
Now it is a race to reach the 27th, when my mother's mastectomy surgery is scheduled. Everyday counts at this point - Mom really wants to get that cancer out of her body before there is any chance of it spreading further.
We're praying for a miracle - that can come directly from the Lord's hand or through the hands of a doctor. I want to keep my mother around for many years to come. Call me selfish if you want.
Then we'll see at the end of the year - maybe it won't end up so bad after all.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Unfamiliar Territory
This week our family finds itself in unfamiliar territory.
My mother has aggressive breast cancer.
The entire idea has just been a huge shock to our family. There's not a hint of cancer anywhere in our family. My mother has been healthy and taken care of herself all of her life.
I guess there are times when you just can't explain the unexplainable.
Yesterday when I found out, I broke down and spent the evening crying my eyes out and worried sick about my dear mother. Today I have been in planning and preparation mode.
We already know she will have a mastectomy, but now the question is how invasive will it be and how extensive is the cancer. My gracious boss told me to do what I need to do and take care of my mother, so after we return home from our consolation visit this weekend I will be returning Tuesday to sit with her through the next doctor visit and then Wednesday the PET-CT and MRI scans. I will be meeting with their fairly new pastor to explain a few things and then set up post-operative care and meals arrangement with several ladies in their church.
I cannot bear the thought of my mother being alone during this time. Thanks to my boss and the wonderful company I'm blessed to be working for, I know she won't be.
And even in the midst of tragedy there's a breath of peace.
My mother has aggressive breast cancer.
The entire idea has just been a huge shock to our family. There's not a hint of cancer anywhere in our family. My mother has been healthy and taken care of herself all of her life.
I guess there are times when you just can't explain the unexplainable.
Yesterday when I found out, I broke down and spent the evening crying my eyes out and worried sick about my dear mother. Today I have been in planning and preparation mode.
We already know she will have a mastectomy, but now the question is how invasive will it be and how extensive is the cancer. My gracious boss told me to do what I need to do and take care of my mother, so after we return home from our consolation visit this weekend I will be returning Tuesday to sit with her through the next doctor visit and then Wednesday the PET-CT and MRI scans. I will be meeting with their fairly new pastor to explain a few things and then set up post-operative care and meals arrangement with several ladies in their church.
I cannot bear the thought of my mother being alone during this time. Thanks to my boss and the wonderful company I'm blessed to be working for, I know she won't be.
And even in the midst of tragedy there's a breath of peace.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Feeling Far Away
Feels like I'm never going to get back to critique group.
Since I started the new job, my personal life has taken a back seat. Figured we'd eventually get things settled back down to where I could get back involved in my personal pursuits again.
Now I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever happen.
Feeling a little sorry for myself and far removed from my writing. But at least I am thinking about it again. On my way home from work tonight, I had some scenes from one of my previously finished books pop into my head. Been thinking a little bit about the book I'd started working on before I miraculously got this job.
It'll come again - at least I sure hope it will.
Singing and writing are my soul - my passion. Haven't gotten to do a whole lot of either lately (except I did get to sing a small solo part with our choir this past Sunday).
My son is busy with life and living, which as he grows older and gets his own car someday will mean I'll have more time to myself again.
That means more writing.
Until then, I'll have to put up with this sense of distance - of missing my fellow wordsmiths.
Of feeling far away.
Since I started the new job, my personal life has taken a back seat. Figured we'd eventually get things settled back down to where I could get back involved in my personal pursuits again.
Now I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever happen.
Feeling a little sorry for myself and far removed from my writing. But at least I am thinking about it again. On my way home from work tonight, I had some scenes from one of my previously finished books pop into my head. Been thinking a little bit about the book I'd started working on before I miraculously got this job.
It'll come again - at least I sure hope it will.
Singing and writing are my soul - my passion. Haven't gotten to do a whole lot of either lately (except I did get to sing a small solo part with our choir this past Sunday).
My son is busy with life and living, which as he grows older and gets his own car someday will mean I'll have more time to myself again.
That means more writing.
Until then, I'll have to put up with this sense of distance - of missing my fellow wordsmiths.
Of feeling far away.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Reminiscing About Norma
Had something pretty interesting happen this week.
A young lady from Kentucky is playing my part.
As I wrote this time last year, I tried out and made the leading female role in my church's production of the play "I'll Be Home For Christmas", set near the eve of Pearl Harbor and the United States' official entrance into World War II.
Apparently they're doing it somewhere in Kentucky this year too.
She was looking for information about the play/musical after landing the part of Norma, where she proceeded to stumble across my blog.
Imagine that! The Chatter's Block came up under a search engine - wow, I feel important now (or pretty, but that's another musical).
So for a couple of days we've been commenting back and forth through the blog about the role, some of the music, and background from what I remembered. It was so nice revisiting those memories. Initially we were looking at doing it again this year, but other important things have come up this year at our church - namely the Michael W. Smith concert that our choir is participating in.
But that's fodder for another blog entry.
I certainly hope she touches base after their production to let me know how she felt about the character. She just found out she'd landed the role and hasn't even read the script - goodness gracious! I hope she's a fast learner.
Just glad to be getting some traffic going on the blog again - even if it is my own.
A young lady from Kentucky is playing my part.
As I wrote this time last year, I tried out and made the leading female role in my church's production of the play "I'll Be Home For Christmas", set near the eve of Pearl Harbor and the United States' official entrance into World War II.
Apparently they're doing it somewhere in Kentucky this year too.
She was looking for information about the play/musical after landing the part of Norma, where she proceeded to stumble across my blog.
Imagine that! The Chatter's Block came up under a search engine - wow, I feel important now (or pretty, but that's another musical).
So for a couple of days we've been commenting back and forth through the blog about the role, some of the music, and background from what I remembered. It was so nice revisiting those memories. Initially we were looking at doing it again this year, but other important things have come up this year at our church - namely the Michael W. Smith concert that our choir is participating in.
But that's fodder for another blog entry.
I certainly hope she touches base after their production to let me know how she felt about the character. She just found out she'd landed the role and hasn't even read the script - goodness gracious! I hope she's a fast learner.
Just glad to be getting some traffic going on the blog again - even if it is my own.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Shopping, Soundtracks, and Sixty-six
Christmas shopping has begun enormously, extremely, and terribly late this year in our little household. But because of the tardiness of my annual trek, I've been looking at Amazon for some ideas. I found something absolutely amazing.
The soundtrack to Band of Brothers.
Read the book - watched the HBO series on DVD that a friend of mine had. The one thing about the series that haunted me every time we watched an episode was the music. Incredible!
So call me stunned when I came across it on Amazon. It now sits comfortably on my wish list just waiting for Santa to bring it to me (okay, okay - so I'm Santa - I'm still getting it in my stocking!).
Looks like alot of my Christmas shopping will be through Amazon this year. At the moment, I barely have time to breathe, much less shop. Friday I had neither breakfast nor lunch and squeezed in a little dinner on my way home from work by going through a drive-thru (my son left on a weekend camping trip).
You'd think I'd be losing some weight with all the meals I've missed in the new job - but I digress.
So I've told my sisters (hint, hint AGAIN if you're reading this) that I'll be doing CD's and DVD's for the nieces and nephews this year. Really anything that I can find through Amazon because I don't see myself getting out into the stores anytime soon. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just think of all the dollars I'll be saving by not driving around and burning up gasoline. Plus on Amazon you get free shipping.
What more could a girl ask for - ah, one of my two favorite four-letter words - FREE!
Anything right now to make the shopping process a little easier. Now if only I could get my son to start making his list and checking it twice. Sixty-six more shopping days left!
How's your Christmas list?
The soundtrack to Band of Brothers.
Read the book - watched the HBO series on DVD that a friend of mine had. The one thing about the series that haunted me every time we watched an episode was the music. Incredible!
So call me stunned when I came across it on Amazon. It now sits comfortably on my wish list just waiting for Santa to bring it to me (okay, okay - so I'm Santa - I'm still getting it in my stocking!).
Looks like alot of my Christmas shopping will be through Amazon this year. At the moment, I barely have time to breathe, much less shop. Friday I had neither breakfast nor lunch and squeezed in a little dinner on my way home from work by going through a drive-thru (my son left on a weekend camping trip).
You'd think I'd be losing some weight with all the meals I've missed in the new job - but I digress.
So I've told my sisters (hint, hint AGAIN if you're reading this) that I'll be doing CD's and DVD's for the nieces and nephews this year. Really anything that I can find through Amazon because I don't see myself getting out into the stores anytime soon. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just think of all the dollars I'll be saving by not driving around and burning up gasoline. Plus on Amazon you get free shipping.
What more could a girl ask for - ah, one of my two favorite four-letter words - FREE!
Anything right now to make the shopping process a little easier. Now if only I could get my son to start making his list and checking it twice. Sixty-six more shopping days left!
How's your Christmas list?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Life Happens
Ah life - it has its moments.
The last two weeks I've been running around like a chicken on steroids. Been very busy and crazy, but I'm staying with it just fine.
Last week one of my employees was on vacation, so I put in an enormous number of extra hours. Then I am already serving on two committees with the new company and trying to get things up and running with the upcoming holidays within my own team.
Last night my son had his big huge opening concert and fundraiser. Quite a smash! There's some great talent this year, and I'm not just meaning my son.
But I went straight from the office to the school. Got home just after nine last night, but it was very satisfying.
Tonight we had our opening rally for a new product promotion. Went straight from the office to help with set-up and serving and games/activities. Got home just after eight-thirty.
Friday the promotion kicks off.
I'll just be glad to have an evening home tomorrow night. :-)
So I arrive home this evening to a quiet house, devoid of my son but full of two begging kitties vying for my attention. He went to church with a friend of his and they usually run out to the neighborhood Dairy Queen right afterward to hang.
It's kinda nice for me to have a little time to myself to unwind.
Wait - I think I hear him now. Life is back!
The last two weeks I've been running around like a chicken on steroids. Been very busy and crazy, but I'm staying with it just fine.
Last week one of my employees was on vacation, so I put in an enormous number of extra hours. Then I am already serving on two committees with the new company and trying to get things up and running with the upcoming holidays within my own team.
Last night my son had his big huge opening concert and fundraiser. Quite a smash! There's some great talent this year, and I'm not just meaning my son.
But I went straight from the office to the school. Got home just after nine last night, but it was very satisfying.
Tonight we had our opening rally for a new product promotion. Went straight from the office to help with set-up and serving and games/activities. Got home just after eight-thirty.
Friday the promotion kicks off.
I'll just be glad to have an evening home tomorrow night. :-)
So I arrive home this evening to a quiet house, devoid of my son but full of two begging kitties vying for my attention. He went to church with a friend of his and they usually run out to the neighborhood Dairy Queen right afterward to hang.
It's kinda nice for me to have a little time to myself to unwind.
Wait - I think I hear him now. Life is back!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Time To Settle In
Ah - it feels as if things might finally be settling in.
Besides the cold weather outside.
This morning I awoke feeling refreshed and energetic for the first time since starting my new job. There's always so much to deal with in a new job with a new company, and I knew it would take some time. I'd even warned my son when I started the new job that I'd probably be somewhat out of commission for the first two months.
Ha!
I made it in less time.
At least one week less, but who's counting?
Years ago I settled on the practical side of reality. I've learned my limitations, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to push the envelope. Along with the joys and excitement of starting anything new and out of the ordinary, there's always going to be a period of adjustment. Even though I expected it doesn't mean I enjoyed it.
But this week I finally felt myself step across the threshold to embrace the confidence of the new position.
Think I'm going to make it.
No - I know I'm going to make it. I've never been one to do anything halfway. So now that the job is beginning to smooth out, I'm excited to once again embrace my wonderful friends who have so patiently been waiting in the wings, cheering me on to success.
And that includes you too, my dear and patient readers.
Now it's time to settle back into my writing. Look out, blogging world - I'm back!
Besides the cold weather outside.
This morning I awoke feeling refreshed and energetic for the first time since starting my new job. There's always so much to deal with in a new job with a new company, and I knew it would take some time. I'd even warned my son when I started the new job that I'd probably be somewhat out of commission for the first two months.
Ha!
I made it in less time.
At least one week less, but who's counting?
Years ago I settled on the practical side of reality. I've learned my limitations, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to push the envelope. Along with the joys and excitement of starting anything new and out of the ordinary, there's always going to be a period of adjustment. Even though I expected it doesn't mean I enjoyed it.
But this week I finally felt myself step across the threshold to embrace the confidence of the new position.
Think I'm going to make it.
No - I know I'm going to make it. I've never been one to do anything halfway. So now that the job is beginning to smooth out, I'm excited to once again embrace my wonderful friends who have so patiently been waiting in the wings, cheering me on to success.
And that includes you too, my dear and patient readers.
Now it's time to settle back into my writing. Look out, blogging world - I'm back!
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