At A Crossroads

I feel at a bit of a crossroads.

My outside job is very demanding right now. We're trying to bring on something totally new to a company that is more like a lumbering bear, pretty set in it's ways. Expectations are high and support is low. They don't understand our bird and we're trying to operate within a tightly confined box. Neither one of us understand the other.

It isn't working for me.

The people I work directly with are great. We're like a little family and have stayed together for almost ten years. We have our highs and our lows, our frustrations and joys, but we all stick together and make things happen because we generally recognize the strengths that each of us bring to the table. That's what has kept me with them for so long.

For the past couple of weeks I've come home drained. Not in a good way. I love being innovative, throwing out ideas, and finding the nuggets of gold. I'm usually a very optimistic person and can work with most anything I'm given. At least as long as I'm given something to hold onto. At least as long as I'm given the tools I need to succeed. At least as long as I have the training I need and the communication to get things done.

This drained feeling has left me so empty. I cannot seem to find the time to get much real writing done. Heck, I went an entire four days without blogging a couple of weeks ago. THAT, my friends, is bad! Writing usually inspires me. I can stay up late writing and even though I feel tired the next day, I can't wait to get back at it again that evening.

When writing becomes a chore, something in my life is wrong. When I can't bounce out of bed in the morning, looking forward to going to work, something in my life is wrong. I'm feeling very strangled right now and know myself well enough to know it just won't work for me.

I'll give it a little more time. Starting something from scratch is pretty challenging, but I've always lived for challenges before this. They've usually energized me. I hate even considering giving up, but maybe it is time for at least looking into some other options. Maybe checking into something a little closer to home (ya think?). I hate to consider leaving my co-workers, but they'll still be my friends if I have to leave.

As far as my writing, my son, and my life (they're all inter-connected for me) are concerned, it just might be the most important thing I could do for the long-term.